321. Penny

 

321. Penny

The Atshebies were playing fay peek-a-boo in a magnolia grove in Minced Forest.  They  made themselves invisible and then made only their faces visible among the leaves and the flowers of the trees  for just a  brief second. If they were spotted by me, Little Dolphus, the intellectual Leafy, I cried out the name of the kittykid whose face I had spotted. Basically that was how we played. It may be a silly game, but we find it fun.

And then Penny appeared, interrupting our play.

“Where is  Pedubastis?” she asked us.

“What do you want with her?” I asked suspiciously. I am always suspicious. It’s a Leafy trait. Penny is a pretty fay girl who always looks a bit messy, but that day she looked different. She looked a little bloated.

“It’s personal and urgent,” she said.

“I don’t think Pedi knows we are here in the forest,” said Neferhari. “We shouldn’t be.”

“I always know where you are, children,” said Pedubastis, appearing on the branch of a tree and leaping down to the ground where she turned into an Egyptian person. We had never seen what she looked like when she wasn’t a cat before. So we were very surprised.

“What is it, dear?” she asked Penny.

And Penny, who was wrapped up in a huge pink cloak allowed it to drop to the ground.

“I need a midwife,” she said.

“Oh, my!” said Pedubastis. “Is it a mortal’s or a dwindler’s?”

“A mortal’s.”

“And why hasn’t he found you a midwife? They are mostly mortals. There are no fairy midwives.”

“What does Penny need?” asked Neferedi.

“Hush! I’ll tell you later,” said Pedubastis.

“I’m not with him. It was a one time thing.”

“Was it voluntary?”

“Oh, yes! All my doing!”

“Better, then,” said Pedubastis. “If you are walking alone in this, we’re off to the Temple of Mayet.”

And we were all covered by a mist, and when it dispelled, we were inside the Temple of Mayet.

“What is happening?” cried all the Atshebies. “Why are we here?”

“Wait till I see to Penny and then we’ll talk,” said Pedubastis.

Pedubastis spoke with three cats from the temple and they led Penny off.

“Go play in the pond. Try not to drown. I have to be with Penny,” said Pedubastis.

The Atshebies didn’t feel much like playing. They went outside but didn’t get into the little barque  there was in the crescent shaped pond round the temple. What they did was start to ask me questions.

“Who is that?” they said, when a cat arrived with a woman, both moving very decidely into the temple.

“She’s a mortal,” said Nefernedi. “I can tell. Because of the way the cat is clutching her and she is clinging to the cat. Why is a mortal here?”

“I don’t know if I should be answering your questions,” I said. “But yes, that woman is mortal. Don’t ask me more questions. Just wait till Pedubastis is ready to tell you.”

“I’ll tell them,” said a three coloured  cat who had been watching us from a distance. She approached and said, “Maybe you are a little young to know, but since you’ve seen Penny…”

And she told the Kittykids something they didn’t know till then.

“Fay children usually pop out of nowhere. You know that, don’t you? Like you probably did.”

“We were ordered kids,” said Neferviki.

“Even so. Your daddy is fay, your mummy is too, and you popped up and were collected and delivered to your parents by the regular childgivers. But what you don’t know is that fairy women can have kids with mortal men. If they do, they bear those children in their bellies for a while, like mortal women do. And then they drop them out. They usually need the help of a midwife to do this easily.”

“Penny will have a baby?” asked Neferclari.

“Yes. And its father is a mortal or a dwindler.”

“What is a dwindler?” asked Neferniki.

“A fay who has gone bad and is losing it.”

“Who is no longer magical?”

 “Who is somewhere along  the process of degenerating from mean fairy into mean mortal.”

“They lose their special abilities,” said Neferedi wisely. “I’ve heard of them, but I didn’t know they were called dwindlers.”

“Penny said the father of her baby is mortal,” I said. “No need to dwell on dwindlers.”

“Let’s hope he was a nice one. So she’s lucky and the child will be nice too,” said the cat.

“Oh, dear!” said Neferclari. “I wonder what the baby will be like!”

And we all began to go up and down  the temple steps nervously and impatiently, waiting to see what kind of a child Penny would have.

 

320. The Bellyman

320. The Bellyman

Out in the gardens of Castle Attor, three children were about to quarrel on the late afternoon of what was soon to be Christmas Eve. They had been gathering mistletoe and holly and ivy, but these festive plants were not what they were ready to fight about.

“You’ve been bad!” Kittykid Neferhari accused his uncle Esmeraldo. “You won’t get a thing tonight from Santa.”

Esmeraldo didn’t look too happy. He wasn’t sure Neferhari wouldn’t be right as right can be.

“Pirates don’t get gifts from Father Christmas,” insisted Neferhari.

“He has not!” Azuline chided her nephew. “He hasn’t been bad at all. He was only playing. He’s not really a pirate. Only a makebelieve pirate.”

“Great Grandpa is hopping mad. He’s jumping like Mexican beans.He almost blasted Elucubrius and Bunglemore to bits at the St. Lucy Bazaar. Great Grandma barely managed to stop him.”

“Esmeraldo didn’t know they were jailbirds. No one keeps jailbirds in a cage like that bountiful galley.”

“Well, when Great Grandpa is good, he is very, very good, but when he is bad, he can be horrid.”

“Grandpa is never very, very good. He is always whacky in his ways. I’ve never seen him be utterly  horrid, though. They say he presses but doesn’t strangle.”

“Azuline, I promise you he can be horrid. He once fooled me into entering a sack and then tied it up with me within.”

“But you’re out here now, so I guess he didn’t try to drown you, Kittykid.”

“No. But he gave me the fright of my life.”

“Yours is a very short life,” said Esmeraldo suddenly. “You are bound to be frightened worse more times.”

“I’m older than you are, though you are my uncle,” retorted Neferhari. “So I’ve lived more. And…Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!”

“Now what, ancient guy?” asked Esmeraldo, seeing his nephew gasp and recoil.

Neferhari turned himself into the black cat he could change into whenever he wanted to and  leapt up to the castle wall.

Azuline turned around to see what had frightened the Atshebie.

“It’t true,” said Esmeraldo, who had also turned to have a look. “The man with the sack has come for me!”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” scolded Azuline. “There’s no such thing on this island.”

“Then what are we looking at?” asked Esmeraldo.

They were looking at a messy and red-haired man who was wearing a beret, and  was smoking a pipe, and leaning on a stick and carrying… a sack!

“Hey there, rapaziños! Boas festas! Any of you wanting your belly rubbed?”

“¡Ahhhhhhhhhh!” hollered Esmeraldo and his sister, and they flew up to the wall, to where Neferhari was waiting to see how things might go. All three then crashed into the castle through a window yelling “Pedubastiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!”

“Now what?” said Pedubastis the Egyptian nanny cat. She sounded more bored than surprised or upset.

“Grandpa has sent the Krampus to get me!” wailed Esmeraldo.

“No, that’s not it!” said Azuline.

“Of course it isn’t!” yawned Pedubastis. “The Krampus isn’t allowed on this island. And he has  nothing to do here ever. He never got even Chickenbroth Pestle when that fellow was a promising child.”

“He can’t have gotten Elucubrius and Bunglemore either,” said Esmeraldo, taking heart. "I floored those guys and the Krampus hasn’t, so he may not be that tough. But the bloke outside is, because he drinks blood. It was spilling from something  that looked like a leather boot.”

“Don’t you want to know who is out there, Peddy?”asked Neferhari. He was his little boy self again and pulling his nanny towards a window.

“Frankly, no!” said Pedubastis, trying to break free from all three children who were now harassing her and tearing at her.

“He does have a sack!” said Azuline. “Look at it, Pedubastis! It seems to be full. He must have kidnapped other kids. We have to save them!”

“No way!” cried Pedubastis. “There are enough of you here today, and more there will be at AEternus’ home when we go have dinner there tonight.”

“He speaks weird. Almost in another language. He said he wanted to rub our bellies!”

“AEternus?” asked Pedubastis. This did surprise her. “When you are cats, I suppose.”

“No, the man with the sack!” insisted Azuline. “And Esmeraldo and I don’t turn into cats.”

And suddenly Pedubastis looked out the window and leapt out of the castle, and onto the wall round it, and down to the garden that surrounded it.

“Who the devil are you and what are you wanting from my charges?” she asked the fat little man who had addressed the kids. She had blown herself up to the size of a lioness, but that didn’t seem to frighten the man.

“I’m the Bellyman,” he said. “Haven’t you heard of me? I feed poor children on Christmas Eve.”

“There are no poor children here. Unless you have some in the sack.”

And Pedubastis tore the sack with one of the claws on her paws. And out spilled loads of chestnuts.

“Oh, no!” cried the man.

“What is the meaning of this?” asked Pedubastis.

“Like I said, I feed poor chilren on Christmas Eve and wish that they be fed  every night all year and not starve. I rub their bellies to see if they are well fed or not when I see them, and if they aren’t, I feed them chestnuts, and once they’ve eaten, I wish they will have good meals all the coming year. And they do, because that’s my magic. Help me pick these chestnuts up, will you?” asked the man.

“Pick them up yourself while I go for a better sack than that mended  and to be mended  again rag you have there,” said Pedubastis.

“Could you bring me a new wineskin too? This one leaks a little,” said the man. “It’s medicinal wine, I assure you.”

 “I’ve never heard of the likes of you before, but something tells me you are a legal fellow. Though you’re not where you should be. There are no starving kids on this island. Not on Christmas Eve. Not ever.”

319. The Crowned Heads Choir

 319. The Crowned Heads Choir

Esmeraldo had had enough. Tired of all he had been through, wheeling and dealing and rampaging and kidnapping and meeting too many strange people, he suddenly burst into tears.

“Wahhhhhh!” went Esmeraldo, reminding everyone that tough as he was, he was just a baby, “I want to go home!”

“Oh, the poor child!” cried Lady Splendour. “That’s what the poor thing is, really is! For all his bravado! You’ve just been playing at pirate, haven’t you, dear? You aren’t really one. As fortune would have it, you found yourself stealing your own daddy’s boat, for that’s what it is. Well, the lucky part is that since it is your daddy’s, it all stays in the family. Yes, that’s where it is staying. Generosity and I between us will find something more suitable to grace Lady Jittery’s Peevish Pond with. Now the unlucky part of this business is that you, I think, have unwittingly given two bad guys the right to be free from the constraint they were subject to. I wonder what can be done about that.”

“If I may speak, Lady Splendour,” I, Little Dolphus, the intellectual Leafy said, “they aren’t half as bad as they are stupid, these offenders  Gemmy has favored aren’t. I admit they do have the stupidest ideas, but within the foolish genre, not precisely the evil. Our problem here is AEternus, for since they attracted his attention, he has a strong dislike of them. In any case, they are about to enjoy the few days of leave they have a year. And that is the time we have to find what to do with them when their free time is over.”

“Ufff! Old man AEternus is awfully hard to please. He is terribly exacting and likes everything to be in the right measure. Needless to say, he’s not too fond of me, though he can be splendid any time he wants to. Now and again…, oh, well, we’ll let him be Divina’s problem. She knows him best. As for now, I’m taking you all home,” said the Lady Splendour. “Just give me a few minutes to pack a few things, stock mostly, for my daughter Dadivosa’s bazaar. Soon it will be Christmas and I myself should be getting out there.”

As you can imagine the few things Lady Splendour packed were far from few. But I won’t go into that now. I will only say she took the children and me to Apple Island, to the Richearth plantation, where I too spent the night. We had dinner and a nightcap of chamomile tea, which is one of those things it is good to have after an adventure. We awoke late, several days after, in fact, but not so late or so tired that we couldn’t make it to the Crowned Heads’ Concert.

And just what is that you may ask, if you are not in the know? Well, every year, some day in December, the fay kids who have reached or will reach the age of seven during the current year get together to celebrate their coming of age. A party is organized for these kids, with a show in which they participate, and they form a choir and sing together for the delight of their families and friends. They themselves wirte the music and the lyrics of half the songs they sing. The other half of the songs are traditional or the work of those who came of age before them. Old Crowned Heads Choir hits these last are. The songs these young ones write are almost always sweet in tune, though there can be surprises. As for the lyrics, well, there is always something a little weird about them. Not bad, just odd. 

The little bat fairy Angelmouse Grigio, now a grand divo in his own right as well as a professor of the school of voice run by the siren Marina O’Toora, was to direct the choir.

It is called the Crowned Heads Choir because these young fairies who have come of age or are a few days from it and will do so before the year ends, are now their own masters and monarchs of their very own ideal homes, which can be claimed starting the first of January of the new year. And for their feast they wear bright, glowing crowns on their heads to make this statement, that they are free and commanding themselves. Most of them are good kids, almost all. This year, every one to the last is good. Twelve they are this year, which is a good enough number for a choir, for there have been years when only two or three or even only one fay babe has grown up. 

Being good kids, this year’s crop are expected to remain living in Apple Island forever and a day. Also, I must say, this batch sang rather well, and so everyone was happy. They ended their concert reminding people that on the eve of the thirteenth of December Generoso and Dadivosa’s Christmas Bazaar would be held and everyone present was expected to be so there too. And the last song they sang, to the music of seven gold-stringed harps, was Lambent Lucy, the lyrics of which I publish here in case you aren’t acquainted with them. I particularly like this song because it was written by one of us, a fay child of Minced Forest, and describes our ways.

Up in the heavens, veiled by black clouds, the pale moon is struggling to shimmer,

To see and be seen tiny stars fight mists that wish them dimmer and dimmer

Through a lace of branches black and bare! Ah, the wind is still, frozen air!

Put an end to this endless night! Lambent Lucy, bring back the light!

We have left our warm beds for it’s got in our heads to welcome dearest  Lucy!

Down in the forest, the pines and we covered in snow shiver silently,

Toes clad, fingers gloved, yet they are so numb, noses red, knees knock soundlessly, dumb.

Put an end to this endless night! Lambent Lucy, bring back the light!

Stiffling yawns in this most longest night, awake await to witness the sight,

Chant now in the dark so like the lark we can joyous sing away the night!

Black turn dark blue, then rose and then bright, for when it is darkest dawns the light!  

Put an end to this endless night! Lambent Lucy, bring back the light!

318. Castle Cloud's Other Inhabitants

318. Castle Cloud's Other Inhabitants

“Ye whom we are overhearing!” sang the chorus of little shimmering  lights, “Have we heard right? Is it your  intention to visit Splendida?”

“Erh…yes,” I said. “That and what we’ve just done. Get Esmeraldo to know about the virtues, I mean. This part of our business has concluded. Successfully, we hope. I’m sure we’ve achieved something here. You’ll be a better person from now on now that you know how to be one, won’t you, Gemmy? ”

Esmeraldo saw it was necessary to say he would indeed be a better person if he wanted to solve the question of the legal ownership of the Outrageous.

“I promise to consider all I have learned here and try to do things better. That should be enough for you for now. I can’t do better until I’ve digested all this and have a chance to, ye who are standing there blocking my path,” and he added, for he thought maybe he hadn’t reassured the guardians sufficiently, “I mean what I’ve said. Honest to goodness.”

Now the guardians were not stupid, and while he had been speaking they had sent one of their kind to investigate. And this light returned saying, “There is a dissension out there about to whom a certain bounteous galley may belong, and these people are here to settle the question before the disagreement becomes bitter. The ship is splendid and  could belong to Splendida. I think we should allow them to see her.”

“The trouble is we haven’t let her loose yet,” said another of the lights. “Can’t this wait till Christmas?”

“¡¡¿¿Let loose??!!” exclaimed Azuline. She was quite shocked to hear the lights speak in this way.

“We have some explaining to do, I think,” said another of the lights. “Are we agreed?”

And the chorus said in chorus, “This is not just the homesite of the Remedial Virtues, who fight the seven vile vices we’d rather not mention here by name. Also here, in their own space, we have residing with us the Seven Excesses, of which the Lady Splendour is one.”

“They reside here or are retained here?” asked Esmeraldo, who young as he was,  had experience sequestering people.

“These people aren’t horribly bad,” said the Lights. “In fact they are sometimes too good. And that…well, that can cause problems. We can’t kick them out of the Island. Not even out of its airspace, which is where it has been decided they should dwell.”

“This sounds to me like a restraining order,” said Esmeraldo. “Is this place a madhouse you have here? Because if it isn’t a prison…”

“No, no, no, no!” protested the shimmering lights, all flickering indignantly. And then it became clear there was, despite their initial vehemence, some dissension too among them.

“The real madhouse is way down in the unnameable place.”

“The bottonless pit?”

“EeeeeK!” went all the little lights.

“Yes, but not exactly. The Seven Deadly Sins each have a princely throne there,” said one. “There, I’ve said it. But the leader they answer to allows these princes’ subjects to roam the mortal world. To recruit more of their persuasion  if they can. We don’t force anyone to stay put here. The Excesses of Virtue are here voluntarily. This is a home. Their home sweet home. They can’t control themselves so we help them do that.”

“Our visitors will understand better when they meet the Excesses, I think. Please remember we are speaking of well-intentioned people who would like to control themselves but can’t always.”  

We then followed the lights across a courtyard to the other side of the castle, the back part of it, right into a very large hall fitted up as a sitting-room. There were several people  there, each about his or her business.

“Little girl,” said a bearded man standing by the door to Azuline, “why are you showing your fine head of hair so brazenly? Don’t you realize you could get into trouble for that? Some man could sequester you.”

“Me? Why would he want to?” asked Azuline innocently.

A laughing, very pleasingly plump and pretty-faced lady whose own splendid head of  teased hair was well visible, just as was a treasure chest hoardof emeralds and amethysts all hanging from her, making her look like a spectacular Christmas tree, all lighted up too, laughed out loud. “To make you wash his filthy underpants!” said the lady.

“Yes!” said a woman who was on her knees despite her elegant velvet frock, trimmed with French lace,  busily scrubbing a floor that couldn’t have been already cleaner. “Some people are too lazy to wash their own clothes. Pay no attention to Mr. Prudery, dear. He can’t help exaggerating. It’s in his nature. He’s not to be taken into account. Now, please be so kind as to float a little above the floor so as not to muck it up. It’s not that I would mind cleaning it again. It’s that I’ve a lot of other things to do, darlings. I wouldn’t be Dame Workaholic if I didn’t.”

“Well, I think it is a little vain of this little girl to show off her lovely hair. It is truly lovely, dear, but precisely because of that you really ought to cut it off. You don’t want to be considered too proud. It would hurt the feelings of those who can’t have lovely hair like yours. You look like a nice girl that wouldn’t  want to do that. Personally, I don’t mind. I’m used to being almost bald and gray and mousy. And I would never have what it takes to hurt anyone, least of all a child. But there are those who might harm you out of envy. Not here. You’re safe here, like we are. We’re safe from oursleves too.”

This speech was said by a man who sat by an umbrella stand full of measuring rods and tapes and divided scales and such.

“Get back to reading your favorite book, dear,” said the most bejewelled lady to this second gentleman. “Uriah Heep is Mr. Toomeek’s  favorite villain,” she then explained to us, as this man quietly did as he was told and picked up a worn paperback version of David Copperfield and nailed his eyes on it, as if only too conscious and sorry that he has spoken too much.

“Hypocrite!“ Mr. Toomeek hissed softly at an illustration of Mr. Heep.

“He doesn’t like people who only pretend to be humble!” smiled a jolly-looking, sweet-faced old fellow, patting Mr. Toomeek comfortingly on the shoulder. “Don’t fuss too much about Uriah,  old chap, you know he will get his comeuppance!”  He did that with his bright  eyes on us, where they had been since we had entered the room, and he said to us, “I’ve been dying to ask what I can do for you! What shall it be? Do ask! It shall be granted to you!”

“We’re here to see Splendida,” said Esmeraldo, getting at once to the point.

“Oh,” said Mr. Servile, sounding a little disappointed. “Of course you are. She’s so…splendid there’s no competing. Still, if there’s anything I can do, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m more than willing to be of service.”

“Splendida?” said the most bejewelled lady. “Now what could a little green lad, a blue little lady and an imposingly  spectacled Leafy want from me? It’s because of this black Friday furor, isn’t it? Or because Christmas is near!”

“Ah,” sighed Dame Workaholic, “such a wonderfully busy time Christmas. But it’s still a while off, isn’t it, Apathy?”

“I don’t mind waiting,”said a quiet little creature sitting almost invisibly in a corner.

“Ah, yes. Too much for the nerves of the likes of you it is, anyway. Pity you can’t perk up and lend me a hand with all the organizing and preparations.”

“Look here, darlings,” said voluptuous Splendida, “I won’t put a penny into your hats. A whole flock of geese each will I shove in there. Ask through your honeyed mouths dears, and I’ll know what to give you. They don’t call me Opulence for nothing.”

“I like that,” said Esmeraldo before anyone else could speak. “This lady speaks my language! What like? I love your attitude. But before you begin to dish out, Lady Splendour, could you tell me why Temperance in Excess isn’t in this room?”

“Oh, but Scarcity is here! Hiding behind the curtains, being as scarce as possible!” 

317. The Seven Remedial Virtues

 317. The Seven Remedial Virtues

So one fine, sunny but cold, crisp-aired morning off to Chalice Hill we went, strolling among brightly coloured falling leaves that formed garlands when they settled in our hair. Of course I, Little Dolphus, the intellectual Leafy, don’t have hair, but Azuline has dark blue hair and Esmeraldo has a green crest. And I, though leafies don’t wear hair, got a few of the itsy-bitsyest leaves trapped im my spectacles, so I was prettified too, I suppose. I, as I have just said, am the intellectual Leafy, Little Dolphus, which is why I wear glasses.

Chalice Hill is a lovely little mount shaped like just that, a chalice. There are no trees on it, but it is on a perpetually green esplanade, all grass and a few giant white pansies, and towards  its top it turns into a lid on the chalice with a little cross on it, little at least from a distance, and there is buried there a once and future king, but I won’t go into that, though there were, as usual, flocks of tourists scaling up to that tomb along the purple lanes that stood out from the grass, and these people were taking  endless selfies with a background view that grows more beautiful at each step, so much more beautiful that though they had taken a picture they felt they had to take another and another and yet another as they advanced. But we, we were on our way to a cloud that floats above the hill, a little to the left, apart from the center so as not to become involved with the tourists that little suspected there was something grand in the castle-shaped cloud that floated among other, differently shaped  ones in the blue sky. It wanted to be a very private cloud and it was, our castle cloud. We had to knock a dozen times on its door before someone answered.

“Ye who are standing at our doorstep! Who calls?” sang out a chorus of melodious voices.

And we answered, “Ye who are guarding the Virtues, let us pass! We are of good will!”

There are a lot of guards up there, and they all have to agree that they will let you pass for that to happen. So it took a while for them to study us and reach an agreement.

“We don’t know about the litte green lad,” sang the voices.

“Ye who are guarding the virtues! He’s not all good but he’s not all bad. He’s very kind to his sister. And he is here to become better upon acquaintance. Upon getting to know the Virtues, we mean.”

I had to say that, or Esmeraldo would never have gotten in. We couldn’t say we were there because of a dispute about the ownership of a pirate galley.

“Ye who want to improve yourselves, advance now!”

Now the Virtues never let a chance to do good go, so when they heard Esmeraldo wanted to learn how to be good, they just couldn’t turn us away and risked opening the now puffy, now wispy but determinedly unassailable castle door. Yes, it looked like a pushover, but it wasn’t. So did the many little specks of  light within that were its guardians. They managed to be seen flickering even though the inside of the cloudy castle was plump  full of the loveliest, most brilliant, rolling waves of light. And none of it hurt your eyes, bright as it was.

“Cute diamonds,” muttered Esmeraldo and Azuline quickly shushed him. Which was the right thing for her to do, for he was being too materialistic and might have thought to collect a few of the little guards for his treasure chest. They certainly could pass for diamonds and were doubtlessly jewels in their own way.

 “Advance, advance, advance! Advance, advance, advance, advance!” instructed the blessed choir of guards, flanking our vertical shimmering path until it got horizontal and we found ourselves before a simply beautiful throne, yes simple, but magnificent in its simplicity. 

There was a smiling young man sitting quietly on it, and he said softly, “I am Humility. Necessarily the first virtue you must meet if you want to learn,  but only first because of that. And I am pleased to meet you, ye who wish to learn about virtues and how to counter sins. Walk on, and meet my wonderful brethren.”

We moved horizontally and stood before a second throne, which was of the shape of an enormous tree, green with jade leaves and ripe with fruits of many kinds, with vines of amethyst grapes hanging from it too, and thus we met Generosity, whose open hands were always full of wondrous fruit she held out to us. “All yours if you really want it, all yours even if you only need it,” she said. “The more I give, the more I have.” She was not sitting on her lush tree, but standing, leaning out towards us. Azuline grasped Esmeraldo’s arm and he protested “She says I can have it!” But Azuline hushed her little brother, took nothing but gave thanks for the offer.

And we again took some steps and were standing before Charity, a youth who beamed on us with his heart in his hand and a pelican sitting on a throne that was like a nest behind him. The best of his smiles was for Esmeraldo. And all he said was “Welcome!” But you could tell he really meant it.

“Why does he keep a pelican for a pet?” asked Esmeraldo.

“It’s a symbol, not a pet,” I said. “The pelican is said to be such a generous bird that it tears its heart out to feed its young.”

“And it dies right there before them?”

“This is only a legend. The bird doesn’t need to do that. Fortunately.”

And we moved on, and there was Chastity, a young knignt with a suit of lily white armour whose throne was a horse and whose horse was a unicorn and whose eyes saw us, but were also seeing beyond us. “Hi,” he greeted us.

And then we met Temperance, firm and determined, who held two cups and juggled a liquid rainbow from one to the other without dropping a drop of it. “Balance is best,” adviced Temperance.

Next was Patience, in her flowing robes, all flowers round her buds and not yet in bloom, and herself sitting on top of an hourglass, and she smiled timidly.

And last was Diligence, a girl who was busy writing in a golden notebook with a quill made from a peacock’s feather. She sat at a desk, all surrounded by books that flew slowly circulating around her, colourfully bound volumes all,  but there was a broom standing by itself  behind her, and on the table,  there were instruments like hammers and protractors and compasses and there was a telescope close by, and on the ground a large basin into which water flowed from out of nowhere without flooding anything, and a bucket and a mop stood at attention too even so, and though there were a lot of things there, and some in movement, they seemed to be each in its place, and nothing lacking and all in order.  And she looked up from her work and nodded at us, smiling, and was back at it again.

“Is seeing these people supposed to have made me better?” asked Esmeraldo. “I am diligent in any case, aren’t I? That I am. I do my work conscientiously.”  And one could see how Diligence was sniffling a little upon hearing those words, but without looking up from her work.

“You’re supposed to be diligent at good work, not at the awful job you chose for yourself,” I, the Intellectual Leafy, informed Esmeraldo. “And I do hope learning about these virtues has indeed improved your character and taught you what you should aspire to be.”

“These virtues all look like children,” remarked Azuline. “Why is that? I thought they would be grown ladies. I am sure they have to be old.”

“Probably because you have to be like children to live in a place like Apple Island,” I said, “and these people actually look it.”

“Aren’t there more virtues?” asked Azuline. “Like courage. Courage is one, isn’t it?”

“Indeed. And I am sure all these seven are very brave. You must be, to be good. But these are the remedial virtues, the ones that counter seven deadly sins, remedies for vices. And, unfortunately, we aren’t here to learn about more, but to see a lady called Splendida about the dubious ship Outrageous.”

316. The Original Owner of the Outrageous

316. The Original Owner of the Outrageous

When out of the water, the Lady of the Abyss didn’t look monstruous for long. In fact, she slowly began to look rather pretty. Rosendo, who had been quietly present among those present all this while, combing poor Calamus´ hair of reeds gently, felt a strong urge to do Lady Abysmal’s hair too, but that was the only mean thing that could be said about her looks, because it did need some combing.

“Can I have the ship? Now that the malefactors will be freed, the ship will be up for grabs, won’t it? Please give it to me. Don’t auction it, or anything like that, because I haven’t a penny to my name. That’s precisely why I so need the ship. I have no treasures down below in this lake. When he asked me for a wondrous weapon, I was only able to give this enterprising grandson of yours, Lady Divina, a hoe and a hammer.”

“Both rusty,” nodded Esmeraldo, giving faith and testimony.

“But what cheek! Really, Abysmal!” exclaimed the Lady Celestial. “How can you even think a marvel like this galley could end up in a hick lake like yours?”

“My lake is deeper than anyone’s. It may not be large in the sense of extensive, but there isn’t a deeper one in both worlds! And who would think of seeking for such a treasure in a hick lake like you say mine is? It should be safe here.”

“Word always gets out,” warned the Lady Celestial.

“We’ll defend it right and proper, for fierce and ferocious everyone knows the Abysmals of Lake Jittery are. Woe to those who dare try extract the ship from our lake!”

“It’s Esmeraldo’s prize,” said the Lady Celestial. “You can’t deprive him of it. He won it fair and square. In a dastardly way, but fair and square according to the laws of piracy.”

“But I don’t want it any longer,” said Esmeraldo. “I´m bored. I’m tired of being a pirate. Now I want to be a customs officer.”

“What are you saying? We haven’t got anything like that in our island!” huffed the lady Celestial.

“All the more reason for me to be one. I shall be the first! And I am leaving it clear from minute one that I mean to accept bribes. Generous ones only, though.”

“Keep speaking innovative nonsense like that and you’ll end up sleeping in a little girl’s garden next to a fellow who tried to humanize us,” warned the lady Celestial.

And the lady Divina intervened to explain how things were at Apple Island.

“Practically all things enter and exit freely at their owner’s will in Apple Island. If someone tries to bring in something unsuitable there are always meddling neighbours who put a stop to it, like your Uncle Gen, who controls Chickenbroth Mortar, or Pestle, or whatever that local bad boy’s name is. He is allowed to move possibly wicked stuff away from the island, but he isn’t permitted to bring anything noxious into it.”  

“Chickenbroth what?” asked Esmeraldo.

“Don’t give the boy ideas, Divina,” said the Lady Celestial. “You may not be aware of it, but you have just introduced him to that hoodlum.”

“Not to worry, Granny and Auntie Godmother. I wouldn’t cooperate with that sissy bloke, a chicken who has allowed himself to be made broth,” said Esmeraldo. “I don’t need to. I needn’t fear competition. I’m the best there is at being bad. He’ll be out of the game as soon as I begin to play mine.”

“Can I have my ship or can I not?” pouted Lady Abysmal, who was getting impatient.

“Look here, Jittery. In truth, that ship belongs to Splendida, who is Richie’s fairy godmother and let him have it. I think that, if we no longer have use for it, it should revert to her. It’s her you should be asking,” said Lady Divina to Lady Abysmal.

315. The Law of Tit for Tat

 

315. The Law of Tit for Tat

“Do you know, young and enterprising  marauder, grandnephew and godson of mine whom I have always supported and am here to protect now, exactly whose ship you have seized?” the Lady Celestial asked Esmeraldo.

“Of course he doesn’t! What questions you do ask, Celestial!” protested the Lady Divina, “And don’t speak as if I weren’t here to do the same as you for my very own grandson!”

“There were these two nitwits on it! On the ship, I mean,” said Azuline when her brother remained silent while the ladies glared at each other ominously.

“And what has your brother done with them?” asked the Lady Divina.

“Reduced them and chained them up in the brig or something like that, I think,” explained the little blue fairy.

“Ah, the whole of this ship is a luxury, grand class brig!” sighed the Lady Celestial.

Esmeraldo pressed a note on his concertina and sang, “That confinement is temporary! I mean to sell them into slavery! To some panjandrum from Barbary! They deserve this for their knavery! Who are they to be defying me?”

“Oh, the overboiling noodles!” cried the Lady Celestial.

“Overcooked noodles and all, I don’t think it would be right to sell Bunglemore Bagpiper and Elucubrius Truism,” said the Lady Divina. “And who would have them anyway? They're a too obvious stinking lot. AEternus knows their dads don’t want them. They were pink pleased when they heard their wayward sons had ended up stuck in a galley. Really relieved!”

“These people have names?” asked Esmeraldo.

“And hefty family names. Now, listen carefully, Azuline and Esmeraldo, my youngest grandchildren, because your poor old gran is about to give you a piece of sound advice. Speaking as we are of names, don’t let yourselves be frightened by big last ones. Yours is as good as anyone’s, and anyone else’s may be presumed to be as good as yours too. I won’t say not because it is neither nice nor wise to brag. But the advice I want to give you is that when you are adults, if you ever come across an unclaimed fay baby sitting in a tree or on a toadstool or lying in a bed of seaweeds or wherever and whatever, if the child tells you his name is Bunglemore, get out of there leaving it behind you as fast as you can!”

“I must say I agree with that,” said the Lady Celestial, only a very little grudgingly. "It's better not to reap disastrous children. And then there's the fuss about changing them or not for a nice human kid. You can listen to your gran on this one. Run, bunnies, run. Run from the baby.”

“What if it says its name is Elucubrius?”asked Azuline. “Do we run too?”

“That name is more misleading, but even for an intellectual parent like you would be, dear, it can’t be a convenient name for one’s baby to have alloted himself,” said the Lady Celestial.

“They are going to sue us,” said the Lady Divina glumly. “Unless…Did you give them beer  to drink and are they watching mortal TV, Esmeraldo, darling?”

“What?” said the Lady Celestial.”Why would he have to do that?”

“Because that is how Bunglemore and Elucubrius treated my boy Richie when they kidnapped him. And that is why Richie wanted to forgive them, because he felt they had been kind to their captive. So maybe these prats will think they have been treated right too if they get beer and TV, and will forgive us.”

“Daddy?” cried Azuline aghast. “Daddy was kidnapped?”

“By the two nitwits,” nodded the Lady Celestial, “which doesn’t say much for your papá, does it?”

“And now the scoundrels will want to apply the law of tit for tat!”

“What law is that?” asked Azuline.

“If somebody does something criminal to you, you can only hold them responsible for it until you do something equally criminal to them.”

“Ah, don’t you worry about your father, Azuline.  Richie is always being harassed by someone or another,” said the Lady Celestial. “And he has always risen above it, unscathed and gleaming brightly and smiling more charmingly than ever.”

“Yes, he does tend to find reasons to forgive every offender, my generous boy does. But AEternus doesn’t.”

“AEternus is a vengeful fussbudget,” sentenced the Lady Celestial.

“The galley was his idea. And you know how worked up he gets when his ideas don’t turn out the way he means them to,” said Divina.  

“Maybe if Esmeraldo does sell the nitwits to some barbarian AEternus will be content. He hates these fools. Seeing them suffer should make him happy,” suggested the Lady Celestial.

“But Richie won’t be content. He put all those jewels and delicacies aboard the  dubious ship Outrageous so the nitwits wouldn’t feel too bad being imprisoned there. And AEternus was enraged enough about that. And now Esmeraldo, with his violence, has made the nitwits free.”

“No, Granny Divina,” protested Azuline, “they’re chained up.”

“But they’ve been kidnapped by your brother just like they sequestered your father, and now they are no longer worse than we are. We will have to let them go. So that they won’t hold us responsible for their having been deprived of their relative liberty!”

“What your gran is trying to tell you,” explained the Lady Celestial, “is that your daddy won’t be upset about this, but your grandpa sure will. AEternus is going to blow his top!”

“I would like to see that,”said Esmeraldo, very cockily.

“Look, here, Esmeraldo, I saw at once you were full of promise when I first spotted you, which is why I chose you for Richearth’s lawful heir, but I don’t see how I will be able to protect you if you insist on following the path you are now on. Yes, I think you have made it clear you are a pirate of success, and very capable of causing all sorts of trouble to older and far more experienced men, but we don’t want anything like that sort of competition  in our family. So get on with selling off those two idiots and once that’s done, surrender your hoe and your hammer to me, and quit playing at being a pirate and we’ll find a more suitable game for you to play from now on. One that won’t make you enter into conflict with your grandpa.”

“Do I get to keep the galley, Madam Great Aunt and Stupenduous Godmother Lady Celestial?” 

“That will depend on how your Grandpa digests these overboiled noodles, Gemmy.”

“But how can you advise this child to sell people? As if things weren’t bad enough already without his embarking on the slave trade. Really, Celestial!” protested Divina.

“Well, yes, I know we don’t do that,and this wouldn’t be like us, but I only thought it might make AEternus find this mess amusing. He hates those two fools and thinks they are doing too well on that luxurious galley. Well, AEternus is your husband! You fix this, then. But I won’t allow anyone to blame Esmeraldo for this incident.”

While the two ladies were squabbling about how to handle their overboiled noodles, a third lady decided to join the teaparty. The Lady of Lake Jittery rose timidly from her watery home and…