319. The Crowned Heads Choir

 319. The Crowned Heads Choir

Esmeraldo had had enough. Tired of all he had been through, wheeling and dealing and rampaging and kidnapping and meeting too many strange people, he suddenly burst into tears.

“Wahhhhhh!” went Esmeraldo, reminding everyone that tough as he was, he was just a baby, “I want to go home!”

“Oh, the poor child!” cried Lady Splendour. “That’s what the poor thing is, really is! For all his bravado! You’ve just been playing at pirate, haven’t you, dear? You aren’t really one. As fortune would have it, you found yourself stealing your own daddy’s boat, for that’s what it is. Well, the lucky part is that since it is your daddy’s, it all stays in the family. Yes, that’s where it is staying. Generosity and I between us will find something more suitable to grace Lady Jittery’s Peevish Pond with. Now the unlucky part of this business is that you, I think, have unwittingly given two bad guys the right to be free from the constraint they were subject to. I wonder what can be done about that.”

“If I may speak, Lady Splendour,” I, Little Dolphus, the intellectual Leafy said, “they aren’t half as bad as they are stupid, these offenders  Gemmy has favored aren’t. I admit they do have the stupidest ideas, but within the foolish genre, not precisely the evil. Our problem here is AEternus, for since they attracted his attention, he has a strong dislike of them. In any case, they are about to enjoy the few days of leave they have a year. And that is the time we have to find what to do with them when their free time is over.”

“Ufff! Old man AEternus is awfully hard to please. He is terribly exacting and likes everything to be in the right measure. Needless to say, he’s not too fond of me, though he can be splendid any time he wants to. Now and again…, oh, well, we’ll let him be Divina’s problem. She knows him best. As for now, I’m taking you all home,” said the Lady Splendour. “Just give me a few minutes to pack a few things, stock mostly, for my daughter Dadivosa’s bazaar. Soon it will be Christmas and I myself should be getting out there.”

As you can imagine the few things Lady Splendour packed were far from few. But I won’t go into that now. I will only say she took the children and me to Apple Island, to the Richearth plantation, where I too spent the night. We had dinner and a nightcap of chamomile tea, which is one of those things it is good to have after an adventure. We awoke late, several days after, in fact, but not so late or so tired that we couldn’t make it to the Crowned Heads’ Concert.

And just what is that you may ask, if you are not in the know? Well every year, some day in December, the fay kids who have reached or will reach the age of seven during the current year get together to celebrate their coming of age. A party is organized for these kids, with a show in which they participate, and they form a choir and sing together for the delight of their families and friends. They themselves wirte the music and the lyrics of half the songs they sing. The other half of the songs are traditional or the work of those who came of age before them. Old Crowned Heads Choir hits these last are. The songs these young ones write are almost always sweet in tune, though there can be surprises. As for the lyrics, well, there is always something a little weird about them. Not bad, just odd. 

The little bat fairy Angelmouse Grigio, now a grand divo in his own right as well as a professor of the school of voice run by the siren Marina O’Toora, was to direct the choir.

It is called the Crowned Heads Choir because these young fairies who have come of age or are a few days from it and will do so before the year ends, are now their own masters and monarchs of their very own ideal homes, which can be claimed starting the first of Jnuary of the new year. And for their feast they wear bright, glowing crowns on their heads to make this statement, that they are free and commanding themselves. Most of them are good kids, almost all. This year, every one to the last is good. Twelve they are this year, which is a good enough number for a choir, for there have been years when only two or three or even only one fay babe has grown up. 

Being good kids, this year’s crop are expected to remain living in Apple Island forever and a day. Also, I must say, this batch sang rather well, and so everyone was happy. They ended their concert reminding people that on the eve of the thirteenth of December Generoso and Dadivosa’s Christmas Bazaar would be held and eveyone present was expected to be so there too. And the last song they sang, to the music of seven gold-stringed harps, was Lambent Lucy, the lyrics of which I publish here in case you aren’t acquainted with them. I particularly like this song because it was written by one of us, a fay child of Minced Forest, and describes our ways.

Up in the heavens, veiled by black clouds, the pale moon is struggling to shimmer,

To see and be seen tiny stars fight mists that wish them dimmer and dimmer

Through a lace of branches black and bare! Ah, the wind is still, frozen air!

Put an end to this endless night! Lambent Lucy, bring back the light!

We have left our warm beds for it’s got in our heads to welcome dearest  Lucy!

Down in the forest, the pines and we covered in snow shiver silently,

Toes clad, fingers gloved, yet they are so numb, noses red, knees knock soundlessly, dumb.

Put an end to this endless night! Lambent Lucy, bring back the light!

Stiffling yawns in this most longest night, awake await to witness the sight,

Chant now in the dark so like the lark we can joyous sing away the night!

Black turn dark blue, then rose and then bright, for when it is darkest dawns the light!  

Put an end to this endless night! Lambent Lucy, bring back the light!

318. Castle Cloud's Other Inhabitants

318. Castle Cloud's Other Inhabitants

“Ye whom we are overhearing!” sang the chorus of little shimmering  lights, “Have we heard right? Is it your  intention to visit Splendida?”

“Erh…yes,” I said. “That and what we’ve just done. Get Esmeraldo to know about the virtued, I mean. This part of our business has concluded. Successfully, we hope. I’m sure we’ve acheived something here. You’ll be a better person from now on now that you know how to be one, won’t you, Gemmy? ”

Esmeraldo saw it was necessary to say he would indeed be a better person if he wanted to solve the question of the legal ownership of the Outrageous.

“I promise to consider all I have learned here and try to do things better. That should be enough for you for now. I can’t do better until I’ve digested all this and have a chance to, ye who are standing there blocking my path,” and he added, for he thought maybe he hadn’t reassured the guardians sufficiently, “I mean what I’ve said. Honest to goodness.”

Now the guardians were not stupid, and while he had been speaking they had sent one of their kind to investigate. And this light returned saying, “There is a dissension out there about to whom a certain bounteous galley may belong, and these people are here to settle the question before the disagreement becomes bitter. The ship is splendid and  could belong to Splendida. I think we should allow them to see her.”

“The trouble is we haven’t let her loose yet,” said another of the lights. “Can’t this wait till Christmas?”

“¡¡¿¿Let loose??!!” exclaimed Azuline. She was quite shocked to hear the lights speak in this way.

“We have some explaining to do, I think,” said another of the lights. “Are we agreed?”

And the chorus said in chorus, “This is not just the homesite of the Remedial Virtues, who fight the seven vile vices we’d rather not mention here by name. Also here, in their own space, we have residing the Seven Excesses, of which the Lady Splendour is one.”

“They reside here or are retained here?” asked Esmeraldo, who young as he was,  had experience sequestering people.

“These people aren’t horribly bad,” said the Lights. “In fact they are sometimes too good. And that…well, that can cause problems. We can’t kick them out of the Island. Not even out of its airspace, which is where it has been decided they should dwell.”

“This sounds to me like a restraining order,” said Esmeraldo. “Is this place a madhouse you have here? Because if it isn’t a prison…”

“No, no, no, no!” protested the shimmering lights, all flickering indignantly. And then it became clear there was, despite their initial vehemence, some dissension too among them.

“The real madhouse is way down in the unnameable place.”

“The bottonless pit?”

“EeeeeK!” went all the little lights.

“Yes, but not exactly. The Seven Deadly Sins each have a princely throne there,” said one. “There, I’ve said it. But the leader they answer to allows these princes’ subjects to roam the mortal world. To recruit more of their persuasion  if they can. We don’t force anyone to stay put here. The Excesses of Virtue are here voluntarily. This is a home. Their home sweet home. They can’t control themselves so we help them do that.”

“Our visitors will understand better when they meet the Excesses, I think. Please remember we are speaking of well-intentioned people who would like to control themselves but can’t always.”  

We then followed the lights across a courtyard to the other side of the castle, the back part of it, right into a very large hall fitted up as a sitting-room. There were several people  there, each about his or her business.

“Little girl,” said a bearded man standing by the door to Azuline, “why are you showing your fine head of hair so brazenly? Don’t you realize you could get into trouble for that? Some man could sequester you.”

“Me? Why would he want to?” asked Azuline innocently.

A laughing, very pleasingly plump and pretty-faced lady whose own splendid head of  teased hair was well visible, just as was a treasure chest hoardof emeralds and amethysts all hanging from her, making her look like a spectacular Christmas tree, all lighted up too, laughed out loud. “To make you wash his filthy underpants!” said the lady.

“Yes!” said a woman who was on her knees despite her elegant velvet frock, trimmed with French lace,  busily scrubbing a floor that couldn’t have been already cleaner. “Some people are too lazy to wash their own clothes. Pay no attention to Mr. Prudery, dear. He can’t help exaggerating. It’s in his nature. He’s not to be taken into account. Now, please be so kind as to float a little above the floor so as not to muck it up. It’s not that I would mind cleaning it again. It’s that I’ve a lot of other things to do, darlings. I wouldn’t be Dame Workaholic if I didn’t.”

“Well, I think it is a little vain of this little girl to show off her lovely hair. It is truly lovely, dear, but precisely because of that you really ought to cut it off. You don’t want to be considered too proud. It would hurt the feelings of those who can’t have lovely hair like yours. You look like a nice girl that wouldn’t  want to do that. Personally, I don’t mind. I’m used to being almost bald and gray and mousy. And I would never have what it takes to hurt anyone, least of all a child. But there are those who might harm you out of envy. Not here. You’re safe here, like we are. We’re safe from oursleves too.”

This speech was said by a man who sat by an umbrella stand full of measuring rods and tapes and divided scales and such.

“Get back to reading your favorite book, dear,” said the most bejewelled lady to this second gentleman. “Uriah Heep is Mr. Toomeek’s  favorite villain,” she then explained to us, as this man quietly did as he was told and picked up a cheap, paperback version of David Copperfield and nailed his eyes on it, as if only too conscious and sorry that he has spoken too much.

“Hypocrite!“ Mr. Toomeek hissed softly at an illustration of Mr. Heep.

“He doesn’t like people who only pretend to be humble!” smiled a jolly-looking, sweet-faced old fellow, patting Mr. Toomeek comfortingly on the shoulder. “Don’t fuss too much about Uriah,  old chap, you know he will get his comeuppance!”  He did that with his bright  eyes on us, where they had been since we had entered the room, and he said to us, “I’ve been dying to ask what I can do for you! What shall it be? Do ask! It shall be granted to you!”

“We’re here to see Splendida,” said Esmeraldo, getting at once to the point.

“Oh,” said Mr. Servile, sounding a little disappointed. “Of course you are. She’s so…splendid there’s no competing. Still, if there’s anything I can do, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m more than willing to be of service.”

“Splendida?” said the most bejewelled lady. “Now what could a little green lad, a blue little lady and an imposingly  spectacled Leafy want from me? It’s because of this black Friday furor, isn’t it? Or because Christmas is near!”

“Ah,” sighed Dame Workaholic, “such a wonderfully busy time Christmas. But it’s still a while off, isn’t it, Apathy?”

“I don’t mind waiting,”said a quiet little creature sitting almost invisibly in a corner.

“Ah, yes. Too much for the nerves of the likes of you it is, anyway. Pity you can’t perk up and lend me a hand with all the organizing and preparations.”

“Look here, darlings,” said voluptuous Spledida, “I won’t put a penny into your hats. A whole flock of geese each will I shove in there. Ask through your honeyed mouths dears, and I’ll know what to give you. They don’t call me Opulence for nothing.”

“I like that,” said Esmeraldo before anyone else could speak. “This lady speaks my language! What like? I love your attitude. But before you begin to dish out, Lady Splendour, could you tell me why Temperance in Excess isn’t in this room?”

“Oh, but Scarcity is here! Hiding behind the curtains, being as scarce as possible!” 

317. The Seven Remedial Virtues

 317. The Seven Remedial Virtues

So one fine, sunny but cold, crisp-aired morning off to Chalice Hill we went, strolling among brightly coloured falling leaves that formed garlands when they settled in our hair. Of course I, Little Dolphus, the intellectual Leafy, don’t have hair, but Azuline has dark blue hair and Esmeraldo has a green crest. And I, though leafies don’t wear hair, got a few of the itsy-bitsyest leaves trapped im my spectacles, so I was prettified too, I suppose. I, as I have just said, am the intellectual Leafy, Little Dolphus, which is why I wear glasses.

Chalice Hill is a lovely little mount shaped like just that, a chalice. There are no trees on it, but it is on a perpetually green esplanade, all grass and a few giant white pansies, and towards  its top it turns into a lid on the chalice with a little cross on it, little at least from a distance, and there is buried there a once and future king, but I won’t go into that, though there were, as usual, flocks of tourists scaling up to that tomb along the purple lanes that stood out from the grass, and these people were taking  endless selfies with a background view that grows more beautiful at each step, so much more beautiful that though they had taken a picture they felt they had to take another and another and yet another as they advanced. But we, we were on our way to a cloud that floats above the hill, a little to the left, apart from the center so as not to become involved with the tourists that little suspected there was something grand in the castle-shaped cloud that floated among other, differently shaped  ones in the blue sky. It wanted to be a very private cloud and it was, our castle cloud. We had to knock a dozen times on its door before someone answered.

“Ye who are standing at our doorstep! Who calls?” sang out a chorus of melodious voices.

And we answered, “Ye who are guarding the Virtues, let us pass! We are of good will!”

There are a lot of guards up there, and they all have to agree that they will let you pass for that to happen. So it took a while for them to study us and reach an agreement.

“We don’t know about the litte green lad,” sang the voices.

“Ye who are guarding the virtues! He’s not all good but he’s not all bad. He’s very kind to his sister. And he is here to become better upon acquaintance. Upon getting to know the Virtues, we mean.”

I had to say that, or Esmeraldo would never have gotten in. We couldn’t say we were there because of a dispute about the ownership of a pirate galley.

“Ye who want to improve yourselves, advance now!”

Now the Virtues never let a chance to do good go, so when they heard Esmeraldo wanted to learn how to be good, they just couldn’t turn us away and risked opening the now puffy, now wispy but determinedly unassailable castle door. Yes, it looked like a pushover, but it wasn’t. So did the many little specks of  light within that were its guardians. They managed to be seen flickering even though the inside of the cloudy castle was plump  full of the loveliest, most brilliant, rolling waves of light. And none of it hurt your eyes, bright as it was.

“Cute diamonds,” muttered Esmeraldo and Azuline quickly shushed him. Which was the right thing for her to do, for he was being too materialistic and might have thought to collect a few of the little guards for his treasure chest. They certainly could pass for diamonds and were doubtlessly jewels in their own way.

 “Advance, advance, advance! Advance, advance, advance, advance!” instructed the blessed choir of guards, flanking our vertical shimmering path until it got horizontal and we found ourselves before a simply beautiful throne, yes simple, but magnificent in its simplicity. 

There was a smiling young man sitting quietly on it, and he said softly, “I am Humility. Necessarily the first virtue you must meet if you want to learn,  but only first because of that. And I am pleased to meet you, ye who wish to learn about virtues and how to counter sins. Walk on, and meet my wonderful brethren.”

We moved horizontally and stood before a second throne, which was of the shape of an enormous tree, green with jade leaves and ripe with fruits of many kinds, with vines of amethyst grapes hanging from it too, and thus we met Generosity, whose open hands were always full of wondrous fruit she held out to us. “All yours if you really want it, all yours even if you only need it,” she said. “The more I give, the more I have.” She was not sitting on her lush tree, but standing, leaning out towards us. Azuline grasped Esmeraldo’s arm and he protested “She says I can have it!” But Azuline hushed her little brother, took nothing but gave thanks for the offer.

And we again took some steps and were standing before Charity, a youth who beamed on us with his heart in his hand and a pelican sitting on a throne that was like a nest behind him. The best of his smiles was for Esmeraldo. And all he said was “Welcome!” But you could tell he really meant it.

“Why does he keep a pelican for a pet?” asked Esmeraldo.

“It’s a symbol, not a pet,” I said. “The pelican is said to be such a generous bird that it tears its heart out to feed its young.”

“And it dies right there before them?”

“This is only a legend. The bird doesn’t need to do that. Fortunately.”

And we moved on, and there was Chastity, a young knignt with a suit of lily white armour whose throne was a horse and whose horse was a unicorn and whose eyes saw us, but were also seeing beyond us. “Hi,” he greeted us.

And then we met Temperance, firm and determined, who held two cups and juggled a liquid rainbow from one to the other without dropping a drop of it. “Balance is best,” adviced Temperance.

Next was Patience, in her flowing robes, all flowers round her buds and not yet in bloom, and herself sitting on top of an hourglass, and she smiled timidly.

And last was Diligence, a girl who was busy writing in a golden notebook with a quill made from a peacock’s feather. She sat at a desk, all surrounded by books that flew slowly circulating around her, colourfully bound volumes all,  but there was a broom standing by itself  behind her, and on the table,  there were instruments like hammers and protractors and compasses and there was a telescope close by, and on the ground a large basin into which water flowed from out of nowhere without flooding anything, and a bucket and a mop stood at attention too even so, and though there were a lot of things there, and some in movement, they seemed to be each in its place, and nothing lacking and all in order.  And she looked up from her work and nodded at us, smiling, and was back at it again.

“Is seeing these people supposed to have made me better?” asked Esmeraldo. “I am diligent in any case, aren’t I? That I am. I do my work conscientiously.”  And one could see how Diligence was sniffling a little upon hearing those words, but without looking up from her work.

“You’re supposed to be diligent at good work, not at the awful job you chose for yourself,” I, the Intellectual Leafy, informed Esmeraldo. “And I do hope learning about these virtues has indeed improved your character and taught you what you should aspire to be.”

“These virtues all look like children,” remarked Azuline. “Why is that? I thought they would be grown ladies. I am sure they have to be old.”

“Probably because you have to be like children to live in a place like Apple Island,” I said, “and these people actually look it.”

“Aren’t there more virtues?” asked Azuline. “Like courage. Courage is one, isn’t it?”

“Indeed. And I am sure all these seven are very brave. You must be, to be good. But these are the remedial virtues, the ones that counter seven deadly sins, remedies for vices. And, unfortunately, we aren’t here to learn about more, but to see a lady called Splendida about the dubious ship Outrageous.”

316. The Original Owner of the Outrageous

316. The Original Owner of the Outrageous

When out of the water, the Lady of the Abyss didn’t look monstruous for long. In fact, she slowly began to look rather pretty. Rosendo, who had been quietly present among those present all this while, combing poor Calamus´ hair of reeds gently, felt a strong urge to do Lady Abysmal’s hair too, but that was the only mean thing that could be said about her looks, because it did need some combing.

“Can I have the ship? Now that the malefactors will be freed, the ship will be up for grabs, won’t it? Please give it to me. Don’t auction it, or anything like that, because I haven’t a penny to my name. That’s precisely why I so need the ship. I have no treasures down below in this lake. When he asked me for a wondrous weapon, I was only able to give this enterprising grandson of yours, Lady Divina, a hoe and a hammer.”

“Both rusty,” nodded Esmeraldo, giving faith and testimony.

“But what cheek! Really, Abysmal!” exclaimed the Lady Celestial. “How can you even think a marvel like this galley could end up in a hick lake like yours?”

“My lake is deeper than anyone’s. It may not be large in the sense of extensive, but there isn’t a deeper one in both worlds! And who would think of seeking for such a treasure in a hick lake like you say mine is? It should be safe here.”

“Word always gets out,” warned the Lady Celestial.

“We’ll defend it right and proper, for fierce and ferocious everyone knows the Abysmals of Lake Jittery are. Woe to those who dare try extract the ship from our lake!”

“It’s Esmeraldo’s prize,” said the Lady Celestial. “You can’t deprive him of it. He won it fair and square. In a dastardly way, but fair and square according to the laws of piracy.”

“But I don’t want it any longer,” said Esmeraldo. “I´m bored. I’m tired of being a pirate. Now I want to be a customs officer.”

“What are you saying? We haven’t got anything like that in our island!” huffed the lady Celestial.

“All the more reason for me to be one. I shall be the first! And I am leaving it clear from minute one that I mean to accept bribes. Generous ones only, though.”

“Keep speaking innovative nonsense like that and you’ll end up sleeping in a little girl’s garden next to a fellow who tried to humanize us,” warned the lady Celestial.

And the lady Divina intervened to explain how things were at Apple Island.

“Practically all things enter and exit freely at their owner’s will in Apple Island. If someone tries to bring in something unsuitable there are always meddling neighbours who put a stop to it, like your Uncle Gen, who controls Chickenbroth Mortar, or Pestle, or whatever that local bad boy’s name is. He is allowed to move possibly wicked stuff away from the island, but he isn’t permitted to bring anything noxious into it.”  

“Chickenbroth what?” asked Esmeraldo.

“Don’t give the boy ideas, Divina,” said the Lady Celestial. “You may not be aware of it, but you have just introduced him to that hoodlum.”

“Not to worry, Granny and Auntie Godmother. I wouldn’t cooperate with that sissy bloke, a chicken who has allowed himself to be made broth,” said Esmeraldo. “I don’t need to. I needn’t fear competition. I’m the best there is at being bad. He’ll be out of the game as soon as I begin to play mine.”

“Can I have my ship or can I not?” pouted the Lady Abysmal, who was getting impatient.

“Look here, Jittery. In truth, that ship belongs to Splendida, who is Richie’s fairy godmother and let him have it. I think that, if we no longer have use for it, it should revert to her. It’s her you should be asking,” said Lady Divina to Lady Abysmal.

315. The Law of Tit for Tat

 

315. The Law of Tit for Tat

“Do you know, young and enterprising  marauder, grandnephew and godson of mine whom I have always supported and am here to protect now, exactly whose ship you have seized?” the Lady Celestial asked Esmeraldo.

“Of course he doesn’t! What questions you do ask, Celestial!” protested the Lady Divina, “And don’t speak as if I weren’t here to do the same as you for my very own grandson!”

“There were these two nitwits on it! On the ship, I mean,” said Azuline when her brother remained silent while the ladies glared at each other ominously.

“And what has your brother done with them?” asked the Lady Divina.

“Reduced them and chained them up in the brig or something like that, I think,” explained the little blue fairy.

“Ah, the whole of this ship is a luxury, grand class brig!” sighed the Lady Celestial.

Esmeraldo pressed a note on his concertina and sang, “That confinement is temporary! I mean to sell them into slavery! To some panjandrum from Barbary! They deserve this for their knavery! Who are they to be defying me?”

“Oh, the overboiling noodles!” cried the Lady Celestial.

“Overcooked noodles and all, I don’t think it would be right to sell Bunglemore Bagpiper and Elucubrius Truism,” said the Lady Divina. “And who would have them anyway? They're a too obvious stinking lot. AEternus knows their dads don’t want them. They were pink pleased when they heard their wayward sons had ended up stuck in a galley. Really relieved!”

“These people have names?” asked Esmeraldo.

“And hefty family names. Now, listen carefully, Azuline and Esmeraldo, my youngest grandchildren, because your poor old gran is about to give you a piece of sound advice. Speaking as we are of names, don’t let yourselves be frightened by big last ones. Yours is as good as anyone’s, and anyone else’s may be presumed to be as good as yours too. I won’t say not because it is neither nice nor wise to brag. But the advice I want to give you is that when you are adults, if you ever come across an unclaimed fay baby sitting in a tree or on a toadstool or lying in a bed of seaweeds or wherever and whatever, if the child tells you his name is Bunglemore, get out of there leaving it behind you as fast as you can!”

“I must say I agree with that,” said the Lady Celestial, only a very little grudgingly. "It's better not to reap disastrous children. And then there's the fuss about changing them or not for a nice human kid. You can listen to your gran on this one. Run, bunnies, run. Run from the baby.”

“What if it says its name is Elucubrius?”asked Azuline. “Do we run too?”

“That name is more misleading, but even for an intellectual parent like you would be, dear, it can’t be a convenient name for one’s baby to have alloted himself,” said the Lady Celestial.

“They are going to sue us,” said the Lady Divina glumly. “Unless…Did you give them beer  to drink and are they watching mortal TV, Esmeraldo, darling?”

“What?” said the Lady Celestial.”Why would he have to do that?”

“Because that is how Bunglemore and Elucubrius treated my boy Richie when they kidnapped him. And that is why Richie wanted to forgive them, because he felt they had been kind to their captive. So maybe these prats will think they have been treated right too if they get beer and TV, and will forgive us.”

“Daddy?” cried Azuline aghast. “Daddy was kidnapped?”

“By the two nitwits,” nodded the Lady Celestial, “which doesn’t say much for your papá, does it?”

“And now the scoundrels will want to apply the law of tit for tat!”

“What law is that?” asked Azuline.

“If somebody does something criminal to you, you can only hold them responsible for it until you do something equally criminal to them.”

“Ah, don’t you worry about your father, Azuline.  Richie is always being harassed by someone or another,” said the Lady Celestial. “And he has always risen above it, unscathed and gleaming brightly and smiling more charmingly than ever.”

“Yes, he does tend to find reasons to forgive every offender, my generous boy does. But AEternus doesn’t.”

“AEternus is a vengeful fussbudget,” sentenced the Lady Celestial.

“The galley was his idea. And you know how worked up he gets when his ideas don’t turn out the way he means them to,” said Divina.  

“Maybe if Esmeraldo does sell the nitwits to some barbarian AEternus will be content. He hates these fools. Seeing them suffer should make him happy,” suggested the Lady Celestial.

“But Richie won’t be content. He put all those jewels and delicacies aboard the  dubious ship Outrageous so the nitwits wouldn’t feel too bad being imprisoned there. And AEternus was enraged enough about that. And now Esmeraldo, with his violence, has made the nitwits free.”

“No, Granny Divina,” protested Azuline, “they’re chained up.”

“But they’ve been kidnapped by your brother just like they sequestered your father, and now they are no longer worse than we are. We will have to let them go. So that they won’t hold us responsible for their having been deprived of their relative liberty!”

“What your gran is trying to tell you,” explained the Lady Celestial, “is that your daddy won’t be upset about this, but your grandpa sure will. AEternus is going to blow his top!”

“I would like to see that,”said Esmeraldo, very cockily.

“Look, here, Esmeraldo, I saw at once you were full of promise when I first spotted you, which is why I chose you for Richearth’s lawful heir, but I don’t see how I will be able to protect you if you insist on following the path you are now on. Yes, I think you have made it clear you are a pirate of success, and very capable of causing all sorts of trouble to older and far more experienced men, but we don’t want anything like that sort of competition  in our family. So get on with selling off those two idiots and once that’s done, surrender your hoe and your hammer to me, and quit playing at being a pirate and we’ll find a more suitable game for you to play from now on. One that won’t make you enter into conflict with your grandpa.”

“Do I get to keep the galley, Madam Great Aunt and Stupenduous Godmother Lady Celestial?” 

“That will depend on how your Grandpa digests these overboiled noodles, Gemmy.”

“But how can you advise this child to sell people? As if things weren’t bad enough already without his embarking on the slave trade. Really, Celestial!” protested Divina.

“Well, yes, I know we don’t do that,and this wouldn’t be like us, but I only thought it might make AEternus find this mess amusing. He hates those two fools and thinks they are doing too well on that luxurious galley. Well, AEternus is your husband! You fix this, then. But I won’t allow anyone to blame Esmeraldo for this incident.”

While the two ladies were squabbling about how to handle their overboiled noodles, a third lady decided to join the teaparty. The Lady of Lake Jittery rose timidly from her watery home and… 

314. Esmeraldo's Song

 314. Esmeraldo’s Song

“Girl, don’t be scared of me, little fairy girl! I’m a happy ghost. I won’t harm you!” said Matheo to Azuline, when he saw her staring perplexed at the mess that digging out the rotting ship this boy had drowned after falling from had made of the bed of reeds  by Lake Jittery.  “I couldn’t help hearing you call for  Esmeraldo! I know who that is! Yes, he’s been here, and is responsible for this mess among the reeds.”

Matheo had barely spoken when, with a loud  thump, the rotting ship Esmeraldo had sailed off to the seas in fell back into the place it had been occupying for a number of years.

“Oh, gosh! I guess he doesn’t need it anymore?” said Matheo.

“Ow!” said Calamus, showing himself among the reeds. “Ow, ow and ow! Do I have a lump on the top of my head?”

The reeds were falling back into place, leaving  the bed just as it had looked before the boat was torn out of it. Carpos surfaced from the water and cried, “Who is doing this to Calamus? Hasn’t he  had enough having had this piece of junk torn out of him?”

“I thought he might want it back!” said Esmeraldo, showing himself. “Don’t be a crybaby and put up with a jerk or two more, Calamitus, and I’ll leave you as good as new, Reedboy. There you are! It’s over, now! Final touch! Don’t you look fine again, you sissy! Oh, hi, Sissy!” ended Esmeraldo, grinning at Azuline. “Aren’t you going to be proud of me, Sis!”

“How about if we start at the beginning?” said Azuline to the four boys.

“He stole my ship to sail the seas in and terrorize everybody!” Matheo accused Esmeraldo.

“Well, you’ve just  got it back! And that means I like you, because a pirate like me doesn’t  have that kind of consideration with everybody!” said Esmeraldo.

“He had this meeting with the Lady of this here lake, and he was generous with her too because he ceded her an aircraft carrier that barely fits down there  in exchange for a rusty hoe and sinister hammer and some information,” contributed Carpos.

“A hoe?” asked Azuline.

“And a sinister hammer. Both in a pitiful state. It was what she had. No Excalibur -like object down there. There wasn’t, no!”

“And the information? That must have been good! Back home we know very well that my brother never allows himself to be shortchanged.”

“The lady said that if he wanted something legendary, there was this rumour about an infamous ship filthily full of jewels and jams and Javan spices that was doomed to sail the seas, wandering  forever without a fixed course, and that only two  twats were there to defend it. And Esmeraldo decided to swipe it.”

“But if its defenders were truly wimpy twats, why hadn’t someone sharper seized this appetizing  prize ship already?”

“Obviously for some good reason. Though we didn't know what reason. But Esmeraldo is rash, so he  decided to try his luck anyway. Was it good?” Carpos ended his explanation with this question for the little seahorse fairy turned marauder.

“He looks happy, Esmeraldo does. So my guess is it went well!” ventured Calamus.

And the little seahorse fairy decided to answer him breaking into song. First he made a tiny concertina appear, and then as he played it he danced, tapping his feet and kicking his heels as if he were celebrating on the deck of a ship.

“Oh, I am the terror of the seas! I can bring any navy to its knees! When the choice is  between the devil and the deep blue sea,´tis better to drown than to deal with me! Between brunch and tea, I have gotten to be, the wealthiest pirate on the boundless sea!”

“What? Are you kidding me?” gasped Azuline.

“My ship has sails that are woven with gold!  Diamonds  and rubies weigh down its hold!  Bins full of pearls and coral and such,  to you my sister, may not mean much, but anyone can see, this excess is a sign of success for me!”

“But… how?” gasped Azuline.

“Yes, how did a shrimpy  little guy like you defeat the two wimpy  twats?” Carpos wanted to know.

“Ho, ho, I’m a hideous pirate! ´Tis all Professor  Whackwave’s  fault,” sang Esmeraldo, “for he wouldn’t teach me his trade, and now mine is to assault! But I’m a jolly  good fellow, a splendid sharer too! So before I leave for an island paradise, I’ll share  with you a bit of advice! Now, aspirant pirates, whoever you may be, if you want to rise to the top of  the tree like me,  take my advice for ´tis wise advice , you see, to strike before anyone kens what hit your enemy! Don’t act like a  fool,  follow this golden rule, and you’ll get to be a pirate of the  oldest school!”

“You knocked them out before they knew what hit them? With the hoe?” gasped Azuline.

Esmeraldo smiled.

“With the hammer!” cried Carpos.

“First I hit one on a shin, and next  right on the chin.  Then I went to find the other with a fearsome grin. I looked him in the eye with my visage  grim, repeated the ploy and left him dim! If you are small in size, you’ve to be silver quick, if you want your foul adversaries to lick!”

“I warned you this kid was a demon!” whispered  Calamus to Carpos.

“I’ve brought some tea. Mama always packs a lot. It  might be enough for all five of us. I need a cup of tea to calm me down  and some scones to digest along with this story,” said Azuline. And she determinedly opened a hamper she carried and began to spread its contents out on a throw rug she had also brought with her.

And then…

“Oh, goodie!” said Granny Divina. “You wouldn’t happen to have some guava jelly to go with the scones, would you, Esmeraldo? From your marvellous cargo of exotic jams and Javan spices?”

“I’ve brought toast and buns and cakes and lemon tarts! What have you brought, Divina?” asked the Lady Celestial, popping out of nowhere too, just like her sister had. “Nothing, of course. Because you are never ready.”

“Well,” sighed  Divina, “I’m almost sure I can send for some tutti frutti ice cream.”

“Yes, you always have some of that stored in your fridge.”

“Sister, I imagine we are here for the same reason.”

“You imagine correctly. But first we eat!”

313. Boost U.

313. Boost U.

While her brother Esmeraldo was wheeling and dealing at Lake Jittery with the Lady of this lake’s Abysmals, Azuline was returning  the books she had found on naval architecture back to their places on the shelves of Gentle Manor’s library. She had read them all, studying them diligently, and felt she was now ready totry and  build a good little ship.

And then, when she had just left the last of these books in its place, her crystal ball rang.

“We’re calling from Boost U. Yes, Boost University,” said a voice. “We’ve heard you tried to enroll at Ful U’s faculty of Naval Architecture and Marine Engineering  and didn’t like what you found there. We want to offer you our services. We are sure you will be most happy here with us.”

Azuline explained to the caller that she had done some home schooling and probably no longer needed to go to a university to learn how to build a modest boat. The voice would not be dissuaded.

“You’ll need practical classes, blah, blah, blah! It’s best to have a diploma, blah blah blah!” went the voice from Boost U.

The voice was so kind and so insistent that Azuline, who hated having to say no to anybody who sounded friendly, finally gave in.

“Alright,” ceded Azuline. “I’ll drop by your faculty and see what you have to offer.”

And that is what she did.

Azuline was advised to attend  two or three  classes and see if she liked what she learned.

And that she also did.

The first class consisted of a lecture delivered by Professor Ramble. He was supposed to explain how to make a boat unsinkable. And he rambled on for an hour on how he almost drowned in the bathrub of his decrepit gran’s   even more decrepit home when he was two years old. She had left him  sitting there with the water running and gone off to check on some lentils she was boiling and then forgotten all about him. And since he didn’t know how to swim, it was lucky he managed to float and get rescued before drowning by his uncle who entered the bathroom to use the toilet. Professor Ramble then told his pupils that some people thought it was very necessary to learn to swim if you didn’t want to drown but how others thought that knowing how to swim often only prolonged the agony of fighting against bodies of water. These last people thought it was best to drown fast.Therefore they thought learning how to swim was a mistake. And after having given his pupils this valuable information, the professor  rang a bell himself and that was the end of his class.

The second class Azuline attended was supposed to be on materials used to make different sorts of ships. Professor Resentful spoke for about an hour on how mean port authorities can be and how prejudiced against foreigners and suspicious of ships that sailed under a foreign flag. Boy, was he mad at some of these authorities! He called them a lot of colourful names and ended  his class advising his pupils never to sail anywhere but in their homeland's . Then he asked if there were any foreigners among the pupils. Azuline was not sure if she was a foreigner or not, so she slunk down on her seat and tried to hide under the desk and go unnoticed.

The third teacher who walked into the class was Professor Resentful’s nephew. Azuline knew this because she had heard one of the pupils tell this to another. He walked in and asked if there was anyone present there who knew anything at all about ships and the sea. He said that should there be someone, that someone needn’t attend his class. They probably already knew more than they needed to learn. And there was no reason  for them to remain and make the rest of the class feel inferior. He then began take attendance, and as he called the roll he would pause before each student and smile at some and look away from others.  Because he had left the door open, Azuline  was able to crawl out of the classroom on all fours when the professor’s back was turned.

“But, honey,” said the man whose was the voice that had been on the crystal ball when Azuline told him, extremely politely, for she was a very polite girl, what she thought of the classes she had attended, “we don’t want experts and you want a diploma. I’m sure we can arrive at an understanding. Isn’t your daddy Richearth Goodfellow? We want you here.”

“The problem is I think by now I am an expert,” muttered Azuline to herself. She had entered the classroom feeling like an impostor but now she felt she had to persuade herself that she knew better.  It took her a while to break out of the persistent secretary’s office, but she managed to return home in time for tea.

As she buttered a scone and watched a lump of sugar melt and sink in her teacup, she sighed and mused, “Vivant bibliothecae! Once you have a book in your hands and you open it, it generously gives you all it has. It doesn’t keep its secrets and tell you you are a dummy if you don’t know beforehand what it is about. It doesn’t ask you who you are or where you are from. It doesn’t punish you for knowing too much or too little. All it asks of you is that you know how to read, and if you do, it gives you all its knowledge unconditionally. ¡Yes, indeed! ¡Long life to good libraries! ”

“What’s that you’ve said dear?” asked Mama Branna. But before Azuline could answer, her mother had another question for her. “Have you any idea where Esmeraldo is?”

“I’ll go for him now and take him some tea and scones,” answered Azuline. “Don’t worry. He’s just playing at being a pirate, though he does take the game a trifle too seriously.”