315. The Law of Tit for Tat

 

315. The Law of Tit for Tat

“Do you know, young and enterprising  marauder, grandnephew and godson of mine whom I have always supported and am here to protect now, exactly whose ship you have seized?” the Lady Celestial asked Esmeraldo.

“Of course he doesn’t! What questions you do ask, Celestial!” protested the Lady Divina, “And don’t speak as if I weren’t here to do the same as you for my very own grandson!”

“There were these two nitwits on it! On the ship, I mean,” said Azuline when her brother remained silent while the ladies glared at each other ominously.

“And what has your brother done with them?” asked the Lady Divina.

“Reduced them and chained them up in the brig or something like that, I think,” explained the little blue fairy.

“Ah, the whole of this ship is a luxury, grand class brig!” sighed the Lady Celestial.

Esmeraldo pressed a note on his concertina and sang, “That confinement is temporary! I mean to sell them into slavery! To some panjandrum from Barbary! They deserve this for their knavery! Who are they to be defying me?”

“Oh, the overboiling noodles!” cried the Lady Celestial.

“Overcooked noodles and all, I don’t think it would be right to sell Bunglemore Bagpiper and Elucubrius Truism,” said the Lady Divina. “And who would have them anyway? They're a too obvious disaster. AEternus knows their dads don’t want them. They were pink pleased when they heard their sons had ended up stuck in a galley. Really relieved!”

“These people have names?” asked Esmeraldo.

“And hefty family names. Now, listen carefully, Azuline and Esmeraldo, my youngest grandchildren, because your poor old gran is about to give you a piece of sound advice. Speaking as we are of names, don’t let yourselves be frightened by big last ones. Yours is as good as anyone’s, and anyone else’s may be presumed to be as good as yours too. I won’t say not because it is neither nice nor wise to brag. But the advice I want to give you is that when you are adults, if you ever come across an unclaimed fay baby sitting in a tree or on a toadstool or lying in a bed of seaweeds or wherever, if the child tells you his name is Bunglemore, get out of there leaving it behind as fast as you can!”

“I must say I agree with that,” said the Lady Celestial, only a very little grudgingly. "It's better not to reap disastrous children. And then there's the fuss about changing them or not for a nice human kid. You can listen to your gran on this one.”

“What if his name is Elucubrius?”asked Azuline. “Do we run too?”

“That name is more misleading, but even for an intellectual parent like you would be, dear, it can’t be a convenient name for one’s baby to have alloted himself,” said the Lady Celestial.

“They are going to sue us,” said the Lady Divina glumly. “Unless…Did you give them beer  to drink and are they watching mortal TV, Esmeraldo, darling?”

“What?” said the Lady Celestial.”Why would he have to do that?”

“Because that is how Bunglemore and Elucubrius treated my boy Richie when they kidnapped him. And that is why Richie wanted to forgive them, because he felt they had been kind to their captive. So maybe these prats will think they have been treated right too if they get beer and TV, and will forgive us.”

“Daddy?” cried Azuline aghast. “Daddy was kidnapped?”

“By the two nitwits,” nodded the Lady Celestial, “which doesn’t say much for your papá, does it?”

“And now the scoundrels will want to apply the law of tit for tat!”

“What law is that?” asked Azuline.

“If somebody does something criminal to you, you can only hold them responsible for it until you do something equally criminal to them.”

“Ah, don’t you worry about your father, Azuline.  Richie is always being harassed by someone or another,” said the Lady Celestial. “And he has always risen above it, unscathed and gleaming brightly and smiling more charmingly than ever.”

“Yes, he does tend to find reasons to forgive every offender, my generous boy does. But AEternus doesn’t.”

“AEternus is a vengeful fussbudget,” sentenced the Lady Celestial.

“The galley was his idea. And you know how worked up he gets when his ideas don’t turn out the way he means them to,” said Divina.  

“Maybe if Esmeraldo does sell the nitwits to some barbarian AEternus will be content. He hates these fools. Seeing them suffer should make him happy,” suggested the Lady Celestial.

“But Richie won’t be content. He put all those jewels and delicacies aboard the  dubious ship Outrageous so the nitwits wouldn’t feel too bad being imprisoned there. And AEternus was enraged enough about that. And now Esmeraldo, with his violence, has made the nitwits free.”

“No, Granny Divina,” protested Azuline, “they’re chained up.”

“But they’ve been kidnapped by your brother just like they sequestered your father, and now they are no longer worse than we are. We will have to let them go. So that they won’t hold us responsible for their having been deprived of their relative liberty!”

“What your gran is trying to tell you,” explained the Lady Celestial, “is that your daddy won’t be upset about this, but your grandpa sure will. AEternus is going to blow his top!”

“I would like to see that,”said Esmeraldo, very cockily.

“Look, here, Esmeraldo, I saw at once you were full of promise when I first spotted you, which is why I chose you for Richearth’s lawful heir, but I don’t see how I will be able to protect you if you insist on following the path you are now on. Yes, I think you have made it clear you are a pirate of success, and very capable of causing all sorts of trouble to older and far more experienced men, but we don’t want anything like that sort of competition  in our family. So get on with selling off those two idiots and once that’s done, surrender your hoe and your hammer to me, and quit playing at being a pirate and we’ll find a more suitable game for you to play from now on. One that won’t make you enter into conflict with your grandpa.”

“Do I get to keep the galley, Madam Great Aunt and Stupenduous Godmother Lady Celestial?”

“That will depend on how your Grandpa digests these overboiled noodles.”

“But how can you advise this child to sell people? As if things weren’t bad enough already without his embarking on the slave trade. Really, Celestial!” protested Divina.

“Well, yes, I know we don’t do that,and this wouldn’t be like us, but I only thought it might make AEternus find this mess amusing. He hates those two fools and thinks they are doing too well on that luxurious galley. Well, AEternus is your husband! You fix this, then. But I won’t allow anyone to blame Esmeraldo for this incident.”

While the two ladies were squabbling about how to handle their overboiled noodles, a third lady decided to join the teaparty. The Lady of Lake Jittery rose timidly from her watery home and… 

314. Esmeraldo's Song

 314. Esmeraldo’s Song

“Girl, don’t be scared of me, little fairy girl! I’m a happy ghost. I won’t harm you!” said Matheo to Azuline, when he saw her staring perplexed at the mess that digging out the rotting ship this boy had drowned after falling from had made of the bed of reeds  by Lake Jittery.  “I couldn’t help hearing you call for  Esmeraldo! I know who that is! Yes, he’s been here, and is responsible for this mess among the reeds.”

Matheo had barely spoken when, with a loud  thump, the rotting ship Esmeraldo had sailed off to the seas in fell back into the place it had been occupying for a number of years.

“Oh, gosh! I guess he doesn’t need it anymore?” said Matheo.

“Ow!” said Calamus, showing himself among the reeds. “Ow, ow and ow! Do I have a lump on the top of my head?”

The reeds were falling back into place, leaving  the bed just as it had looked before the boat was torn out of it. Carpos surfaced from the water and cried, “Who is doing this to Calamus? Hasn’t he  had enough having had this piece of junk torn out of him?”

“I thought he might want it back!” said Esmeraldo, showing himself. “Don’t be a crybaby and put up with a jerk or two more, Calamitus, and I’ll leave you as good as new, Reedboy. There you are! It’s over, now! Final touch! Don’t you look fine again, you sissy! Oh, hi, Sissy!” ended Esmeraldo, grinning at Azuline. “Aren’t you going to be proud of me, Sis!”

“How about if we start at the beginning?” said Azuline to the four boys.

“He stole my ship to sail the seas in and terrorize everybody!” Matheo accused Esmeraldo.

“Well, you’ve just  got it back! And that means I like you, because a pirate like me doesn’t  have that kind of consideration with everybody!” said Esmeraldo.

“He had this meeting with the Lady of this here lake, and he was generous with her too because he ceded her an aircraft carrier that barely fits down there  in exchange for a rusty hoe and sinister hammer and some information,” contributed Carpos.

“A hoe?” asked Azuline.

“And a sinister hammer. Both in a pitiful state. It was what she had. No Excalibur -like object down there. There wasn’t, no!”

“And the information? That must have been good! Back home we know very well that my brother never allows himself to be shortchanged.”

“The lady said that if he wanted something legendary, there was this rumour about an infamous ship filthily full of jewels and jams and Javan spices that was doomed to sail the seas, wandering  forever without a fixed course, and that only two  twats were there to defend it. And Esmeraldo decided to swipe it.”

“But if its defenders were truly wimpy twats, why hadn’t someone sharper seized this appetizing  prize ship already?”

“Obviously for some good reason. Though we didn't know what reason. But Esmeraldo is rash, so he  decided to try his luck anyway. Was it good?” Carpos ended his explanation with this question for the little seahorse fairy turned marauder.

“He looks happy, Esmeraldo does. So my guess is it went well!” ventured Calamus.

And the little seahorse fairy decided to answer him breaking into song. First he made a tiny concertina appear, and then as he played it he danced, tapping his feet and kicking his heels as if he were celebrating on the deck of a ship.

“Oh, I am the terror of the seas! I can bring any navy to its knees! When the choice is  between the devil and the deep blue sea,´tis better to drown than to deal with me! Between brunch and tea, I have gotten to be, the wealthiest pirate on the boundless sea!”

“What? Are you kidding me?” gasped Azuline.

“My ship has sails that are woven with gold!  Diamonds  and rubies weigh down its hold!  Bins full of pearls and coral and such,  to you my sister, may not mean much, but anyone can see, this excess is a sign of success for me!”

“But… how?” gasped Azuline.

“Yes, how did a shrimpy  little guy like you defeat the two wimpy  twats?” Carpos wanted to know.

“Ho, ho, I’m a hideous pirate! ´Tis all Professor  Whackwave’s  fault,” sang Esmeraldo, “for he wouldn’t teach me his trade, and now mine is to assault! But I’m a jolly  good fellow, a splendid sharer too! So before I leave for an island paradise, I’ll share  with you a bit of advice! Now, aspirant pirates, whoever you may be, if you want to rise to the top of  the tree like me,  take my advice for ´tis wise advice , you see, to strike before anyone kens what hit your enemy! Don’t act like a  fool,  follow this golden rule, and you’ll get to be a pirate of the  oldest school!”

“You knocked them out before they knew what hit them? With the hoe?” gasped Azuline.

Esmeraldo smiled.

“With the hammer!” cried Carpos.

“First I hit one on a shin, and next  right on the chin.  Then I went to find the other with a fearsome grin. I looked him in the eye with my visage  grim, repeated the ploy and left him dim! If you are small in size, you’ve to be silver quick, if you want your foul adversaries to lick!”

“I warned you this kid was a demon!” whispered  Calamus to Carpos.

“I’ve brought some tea. Mama always packs a lot. It  might be enough for all five of us. I need a cup of tea to calm me down  and some scones to digest along with this story,” said Azuline. And she determinedly opened a hamper she carried and began to spread its contents out on a throw rug she had also brought with her.

And then…

“Oh, goodie!” said Granny Divina. “You wouldn’t happen to have some guava jelly to go with the scones, would you, Esmeraldo? From your marvellous cargo of exotic jams and Javan spices?”

“I’ve brought toast and buns and cakes and lemon tarts! What have you brought, Divina?” asked the Lady Celestial, popping out of nowhere too, just like her sister had. “Nothing, of course. Because you are never ready.”

“Well,” sighed  Divina, “I’m almost sure I can send for some tutti frutti ice cream.”

“Yes, you always have some of that stored in your fridge.”

“Sister, I imagine we are here for the same reason.”

“You imagine correctly. But first we eat!”

313. Boost U.

313. Boost U.

While her brother Esmeraldo was wheeling and dealing at Lake Jittery with the Lady of this lake’s Abysmals, Azuline was returning  the books she had found on naval architecture back to their places on the shelves of Gentle Manor’s library. She had read them all, studying them diligently, and felt she was now ready totry and  build a good little ship.

And then, when she had just left the last of these books in its place, her crystal ball rang.

“We’re calling from Boost U. Yes, Boost University,” said a voice. “We’ve heard you tried to enroll at Ful U’s faculty of Naval Architecture and Marine Engineering  and didn’t like what you found there. We want to offer you our services. We are sure you will be most happy here with us.”

Azuline explained to the caller that she had done some home schooling and probably no longer needed to go to a university to learn how to build a modest boat. The voice would not be dissuaded.

“You’ll need practical classes, blah, blah, blah! It’s best to have a diploma, blah blah blah!” went the voice from Boost U.

The voice was so kind and so insistent that Azuline, who hated having to say no to anybody who sounded friendly, finally gave in.

“Alright,” ceded Azuline. “I’ll drop by your faculty and see what you have to offer.”

And that is what she did.

Azuline was advised to attend  two or three  classes and see if she liked what she learned.

And that she also did.

The first class consisted of a lecture delivered by Professor Ramble. He was supposed to explain how to make a boat unsinkable. And he rambled on for an hour on how he almost drowned in the bathrub of his decrepit gran’s   even more decrepit home when he was two years old. She had left him  sitting there with the water running and gone off to check on some lentils she was boiling and then forgotten all about him. And since he didn’t know how to swim, it was lucky he managed to float and get rescued before drowning by his uncle who entered the bathroom to use the toilet. Professor Ramble then told his pupils that some people thought it was very necessary to learn to swim if you didn’t want to drown but how others thought that knowing how to swim often only prolonged the agony of fighting against bodies of water. These last people thought it was best to drown fast.Therefore they thought learning how to swim was a mistake. And after having given his pupils this valuable information, the professor  rang a bell himself and that was the end of his class.

The second class Azuline attended was supposed to be on materials used to make different sorts of ships. Professor Resentful spoke for about an hour on how mean port authorities can be and how prejudiced against foreigners and suspicious of ships that sailed under a foreign flag. Boy, was he mad at some of these authorities! He called them a lot of colourful names and ended  his class advising his pupils never to sail anywhere but in their homeland's . Then he asked if there were any foreigners among the pupils. Azuline was not sure if she was a foreigner or not, so she slunk down on her seat and tried to hide under the desk and go unnoticed.

The third teacher who walked into the class was Professor Resentful’s nephew. Azuline knew this because she had heard one of the pupils tell this to another. He walked in and asked if there was anyone present there who knew anything at all about ships and the sea. He said that should there be someone, that someone needn’t attend his class. They probably already knew more than they needed to learn. And there was no reason  for them to remain and make the rest of the class feel inferior. He then began take attendance, and as he called the roll he would pause before each student and smile at some and look away from others.  Because he had left the door open, Azuline  was able to crawl out of the classroom on all fours when the professor’s back was turned.

“But, honey,” said the man whose was the voice that had been on the crystal ball when Azuline told him, extremely politely, for she was a very polite girl, what she thought of the classes she had attended, “we don’t want experts and you want a diploma. I’m sure we can arrive at an understanding. Isn’t your daddy Richearth Goodfellow? We want you here.”

“The problem is I think by now I am an expert,” muttered Azuline to herself. She had entered the classroom feeling like an impostor but now she felt she had to persuade herself that she knew better.  It took her a while to break out of the persistent secretary’s office, but she managed to return home in time for tea.

As she buttered a scone and watched a lump of sugar melt and sink in her teacup, she sighed and mused, “Vivant bibliothecae! Once you have a book in your hands and you open it, it generously gives you all it has. It doesn’t keep its secrets and tell you you are a dummy if you don’t know beforehand what it is about. It doesn’t ask you who you are or where you are from. It doesn’t punish you for knowing too much or too little. All it asks of you is that you know how to read, and if you do, it gives you all its knowledge unconditionally. ¡Yes, indeed! ¡Long life to good libraries! ”

“What’s that you’ve said dear?” asked Mama Branna. But before Azuline could answer, her mother had another question for her. “Have you any idea where Esmeraldo is?”

“I’ll go for him now and take him some tea and scones,” answered Azuline. “Don’t worry. He’s just playing at being a pirate, though he does take the game a trifle too seriously.” 

312 The Abysmals

 

312. The Abysmals

“That boat is mine!” shouted a voice that seemed to be advancing through the bushes. And the ghost of a boy that looked to be about eleven years old materialized before Esmeraldo.

“And you think that matters to me?” said Esmeraldo with a defiant grin aimed at the boy that tripled his size. “I want this boat and I want it now!”

“Oh, drat, Matheo! You haven’t come anywhere near this boat in many a year! You suffer from hydrophobia!” intervened Calamus. “This kid is convinced that he is a ferocious pirate. He is going to challenge you, because he is out of his mind. And he is very tiny and delicate and if something goes wrong and he receives a mean blow, we’re going to have problems surely.”

“I’m strong, don’t think I am not!” insisted Esmeraldo, baring his teeth and raising his fists. “Bring it on!” he defied Matheo.

“Yeah, right!” said Carpos, getting himself in between the younger boys. “But a demonstration of strength is just what we want to avoid. Look, kid, it is becoming obvious that it isn’t a good idea to get hold of this boat. Calamus wants to help you obtain it, but you ought to know that Matheo has two friends, one of which is quite a brute. And that without counting on the higly possible intervention of Theophilus, who is the sort to be fed apart and who might decide to involve himself in this quarrel and kick you out of here, which he has every right to do because we are on his property. What about you? Haven’t you got friends or a family? What are you doing here at all? Play in your own garden, kid. Haven’t you got a fish pond with bright goldfish in it? Or a little swimming pool?”

“I have two enormous swimming pools, one covered and one not. And I also have several water holes in my dad’s home back in Apple Island. But I am a pirate, and will soon be the monarch of the seas.”

“What do you know? This kid is an Apple Islander!” exclaimed Calamus. “I’m thinking I heard you say your father was called Demetrius. He wouldn’t have anything to do with my good goddess of cereals, would he?”

“My daddy is Demeter’s godson.”

“Well, well, well! Well, you needn’t turn pirate to eat then, do you? That’s for sure.”

“Of course not! I’m turning pirate because I want to be free and feared! I already told you that! Should I give you a receipt?”

“What we want is for you to go back home before you cause a problem. So scat, kid!” said Carpos.

“You’re  not that much older than me. I’m sure you both aren’t at home either. You are Greek, aren’t you? Well, back to your homeland, boys!”

“Look here, baby boy,” intervened Carpos once more, “we are here because of a tragedy. If it weren’t for that, we surely would be back home. Calamus’ dad, Meander,  promised the gods he would sacrifice to them the first thing that approached him. He never thought that would be his own son. But it was, and Meander threw Calamus into a river there was right there behind him. And Calamus drowned. And Meander felt awful about this, so he leapt into the river himself. And also drowned. And the gods decided things had gone too far, so they turned Meander into the spirit of the river there and Calamus into the spirit of reedbeds. So there were there are reeds you can find Calamus, no matter where they grow. And where you can find Calamus you can find me, because I am his friend since early childhood and we have always been inseparable, and will always be so.”

“Most moving, your little story. But will you draw out the boat or shall I begin to tug at it myself?” asked Esmeraldo.

“I’m not done speaking! Matheo, who is this kid here who didn’t want his boat but now wants it back, drowned right here in this lake. And the demons of the deep don’t have him sequestered down below because two good fairies snatched him off before he could hit  rock bottom. He is now a ghost that wanders about the forest. Do listen to me and understand that this lake is not a safe place for a playground.”

“Either you free the boat like you said you would or I’ll rip it out of the reedbed!”

“But I’ve said it is mine!” shouted Matheo.

“You hush your mouth and don’t provoke the peepsqueak, Matheo! Can’t you see he isn’t normal?” said Calamus. “If that boat belongs to anybody, it belongs to me! I’ve spent years retaining it within my hair! If I hadn’t, it would long have become the property of the Abysmals that live at the bottom of the lake! As soon as I manage to let go of it, that tiny tot will haul it off to his island and back here we shall have peace and live in it like we almost always do!”

Carpos saw his friend was determined to let Esmeraldo have the boat, so he set himself to freeing it from his friend’s hair. It was not easy to undo the mess of roots and stems and leaves that twined all over it, and though Carpos' fingers moved as delicately as they could through the reeds, Calamus gave a shout of protest  or two.

“I only wanted to avoid anyone else’s being drowned!” mumbled Matheo. “That’s why I let that boat rot there!”

“Well, now it will rot in this little dwarf’s home,” said Calamus.

“I have something else to do here before I take the boat away,” said Esmeraldo. “I’m thinking that a pirate needs more than his fists to fight properly. I need pistols! And a mighty sword.”

“Yeah, right! Now he wants weapons. Didn’t I say this kid would cause problems, Matheo?” asked Calamus. And he turned to Esmeraldo and added, “I’m sure you can make for yourself a fine wooden sword back home in your garden.”

“A wooden sword can break more easily than a simple stake  if I try to plunge it into the heart of an enemy. I want a sword of solid steel or so.”

“Well, there’s none of that here,” said Carpos. “Calamus and I are people of peace. All we do is swim and frolick enjoying nature at its best. And the Theos are feisty, but they don’t pick fights.”

“You are so wrong. I have heard that all lakes hide fine weapons, some of which are even magical. I’m sure the bottom of this pond holds something interesting.”

“So go drown trying to find that!” shouted Matheo.

“I’m not mortal! I’m a seahorse fairy!”

“A little seahorse fairy. Don’t be mad at me for reminding you of that, I do know that you are tiny but ferocious,” said Carpos.

Esmeraldo made no answer with words. He entered the lake without saying a single one.

“But…Go after him, Carpos!” exclaimed Calamus. “The spirits of this place are easily offended by any kind of nonsense. They will grind him to powder!”

In fact, the waters of Lake Jittery, also known as Peevish Pond, were already stirring ominously. And that though there wasn’t the least trace of a breeze on that extra warm summer’s day.

Carpos went off after Esmeraldo, just as his friend had asked him to do.

“So small and yet so difficult to protect! I’m finding it hard not to lose sight of you!”

And the waters were getting darker and darker…

When Carpos finally reached the little sea horse Esmeraldo had turned into, it was because he had stopped before two creatures from the very deep. They were quite phosphorescent and their appearance was most discouraging. Their extremities resembled those of an octopus but ended in long, strong fingers that looked as if they could grasp and choke anything easily. Their round heads had two black holes for eyes and their round mouths had teeth that surely were the envy of the fiercest of sharks.

“Don’t touch him!” shouted Carpos, and his voice spread weirdly about the heavy waters in which he floated. “He is very dangerous!”

“This twit is dangerous?” asked one of the creatures. He would have laughed, but laughing was not one of his abilities.

Esmeraldo had turned himself back into a fairy child and was about to open his mouth and deliver his speech about how he was a bloody pirate and demanded instant  and full respect but Carpos didn’t let him speak. Thinking he was bluffing, the youth said, “This kid is a wound up time bomb. You had better believe me. Don’t get near him!” And he whispered to Esmeraldo, “Let me do the talking. I know these guys.”

“What the devil are you doing here, Greek boy? You and your friend never descend. You are surface creatures!”

“I come chasing after this child. And to warn you that if you contradict him, something awful is sure to happen. All he wants is to know if you keep any weapon below that is worthy of becoming legendary.”

“What?” said the Abysmals.

And then a third creature joined the other two. This was a female with a mist around her head that looked like greenish hair and with teeth like pearls, but sharpened atrociously. This lady wore a crown on her head.

“This is of interest to me,” she said. “I will have a word with them. I know the father of the teenager. He is one of the Greek winds. Not precisely my favorite wind, but an okay fellow.”

And the queen said to Carpos, never removing an eye from Esmeraldo, “I may have what you are looking for. But what will you offer me in exchange?”

“I can only offer fruit,” said Carpos. “But it is most delicious. Of the best quality.”

“You have no idea what we eat, do you, pretty boy? The fruits of the earth are of no use to us. All they can do here is rot. Perhaps a ravenous fish will take a bite or two. No more.”

 “But I can bring you fruit from the garden of the Hesperides.”

“You mean oranges. Us eat oranges? You think we can suffer from scurvy? Do you know what our favorite food is? It is the air we tear from the lungs of those we drown. Bring me the ghost of the lad Matheo, who was stolen from us, and then we can start to talk.”

And then Esmeraldo, without saying a word, drew from his pocket a tiny model of an aircraft carrier. And he made it grow back to its authentic size, knocking the abysmals to a side with the movement the waters made to accomodate this ship.

Carpos lost his speech. He had been humoring Esmeraldo, pretending to believe the tot was a fiend. And he thougt he himself had been bluffing when he advised the Abysmals to beware of the fairy babe. And now this!

“Show me what you have for me, lady, for I have just showm you what I have for you!” Esmeraldo very cockily spat at the queen of the abyss.

311. Occult Neath a Reedbed

311. Occult Neath a Reedbed

No one steals in Apple Island. It is not just that there is no need to. It is that no one there thinks of doing this. And should someone do so, this someone will leave the island before doing that, disgusted by the excessive goodness that abounds there. And outside, it is much easier to steal. So the pirate in project Esmeraldo Greengem knew he would have to leave the island to steal a ship, an action he was determined to carry out to start off his criminal  career. A fay child less than seven years old is not allowed to leave the island on his own, but pirates break rules and it is best to do that away from the blessed isle.

Esmeraldo transfomed himself into a little sea horse and crossed the puddle  swimming till he reached  Minced Forest, specifically the part of it that was known as Owlwood. There he turned himself back into the fay child he was and stopped to read a sign that read:

  PEREGRINE,

CUM REVERENTIA PROCEDE

NAM MOX INGRESSURUS

ES

DOMUM

SILVA BUBORUM!

“Might there be something in this wood that could serve my purposes?” Esmeraldo asked himslef. And something told him there might be. Perhaps this was because he had spotted a body of water. And that body was Lake Jittery, also known as Peevish Pond.

He walked to its banks and once there he noticed a wooden object that was almost totally concealed in a bed of reeds. He approached it, parting the reeds as he moved, and as he did, he heard the penetrating, reedy sound of an oboe.

“Sweet and pleasant music to delight the lonely passerby,” he thought. “I didn’t expect to hear such music away from the island. It doesn’t seem to be the thing one would find here.”

Somewhat abstracted, Esmeraldo breathed deeply and began to speak to the reeds.

“You smell like cake dough,” he said to them as he stirred them. And it was true that they did smell like cinnamon and ginger and something sugary.

“I’m sorry,” answered a boy’s voice. “I can’t help that. I advise you not to eat me. I could prove toxic, though some use me to make candies with. Perfectly safely edible ones. Is that why you mean to uproot me?”

“Oh, sorry,” answered Esmeraldo, “I meant no harm. No, I don’t want candy. I want to see what you are hiding. It looks like a boat that is upside down.”

The spirit of the reed bed showed himself. He looked about fifteen years old. His skin was a light green and his hair a darker green. Little drops of water slid from his skin and dropped from his hair.

“That is what it is,” said the spirit of the reedbed.

“If we are going to have to deal with each other, we had better introduce ourselves. My name is Esmeraldo Greengem and I am the son of Demetrius Richearth. And since yesterday afternoon I am a fearsome pirate. Well, not generally feared yet, but if intentions count for anything, I shall be very much feared soon. I warn you that I mean to make your boat mine. If you resist and try not to let me have it…I’ll uproot you at one tug!”

“Oh, gosh!” said the boy, trying not to laugh. “That will be if you can. That ship has been lying there for years and is probably partially rotten. It won’t be easy for you to extract it and refloat it. Don’t try to uproot me to do that, because that ship isn’t even mine. I will do what I can to release it peacefully. But it is…no, was. It belonged to some kids who drowned here. Or something like that. Be careful if you don’t want to drown too.”

“I’m a seahorse fairy. Don’t you see that I am as green as you are? Nothing like what you are suggesting will happen to me.”

“Ah. I am aware that you are green like I am, but I thought you might be the spirit of some plant. Of course, one plant does not pull out another…”

“But plants can push each other. Push each other aside, out of their ways. Don’t deny that! You plants aren’t as saintly as they say you are.”

And then another spirit appeared, also very young in appearance. This youth came swimming up to the reedbed.

“You! Are you Dionysus?” Esmeraldo asked the newcomer. He asked because the boy had clusters of dark grapes twined in his hair.

“Dionysos always wears grapes, and sometimes serpents in his hair. I wear the fruit of the day. Today, grapes. Tomorrow, figs. And it will be pears the day after tomorrow. My name is Carpos, and it means fruit. Now you can tell us apart. Why is my best friend speaking with a tiny fay child like you? You are practically a babe in diapers.”

“Don’t fool yourself. I’m a ferocious pirate. I’m telling your friend my plans for this boat.”

“A baby with plans. Look, if you promise to get yourself out of here, I will help you draw that boat away from the reeds. Because if you try to do it on your own, you will only give poor Calamus a headache.”

310. FUL U

310. FUL U

“So you want to be a naval architect?” little lizard fairy Azuline asked her brother Esmeraldo, the tiny seahorse sprite.

“A what?” 

“That’s what people who build boats are called. Naval architects. You have ever so many boats Daddy bought for you, but you say you want to build one yourself.”

“Right. A naval architect then. That’s what I want to be.”

Azuline consulted her crystal ball and said, “The person who can teach you the trade is a certain Professor Whackwave. He is head of the faculty of Naval Architecture and Marine Engineering at the University of Fulyu, known too as FUL U whatever that is, and he can grant you a master’s degree. Shall we go for it? Fulyu University is off our island. Maybe we shouldn’t go there.”

“I’m a go-getter. I’m going for it.”

“Well, I’m a go-protect-your-brother, so I’ll go with you.”

Now as anyone with a two fingers’ width of forehead can tell you, fairies don’t go to universities unless they are losing it and about to end up being darksiders. But Esmeraldo and Azuline, enterprising as they were, were not even  two years old, so they didn’t know much about the dark side and all it entailed. They only knew some bogey might eat you, that was all they had been told about it. And they only dreamt of the pride and joy of building one’s own ship their very selves. So they broke the rules for minors and left Apple Island on their own and went for the knowledge and the degree to Ful U, a place on the brink of an entrance to the underworld that was right between the devil and the deep blue sea.

“Now, where have you wise kids come from?”  yawned Tansy Mandrakecott. Our old acquaintance, the shady artist, was falsifying Turners before that deep blue sea. There was an excellent view of the ocean right before Ful U’s  shipyard, which was where the kids were now at.

“We are two of Demetrius Extraricus’s children.”

“Ahhhhhhhh!” exclaimed  Tansy softly, but impressed. “Then you are the grandcildren of AEternus Virbonus! And therefore there is no denying you entry.  Let them in your class  if you know what’s good for you, Whackwave.”

Professor Whackwave was a very tall man, tall as a professional surfer´s longed for wave. A veritable giant among fay darksider men he thought himself. Or so he liked folks to think he did. And he didn’t give a tinker’s cuss what was good for him. He was a combative fellow who thrived on quarrels, always wanting to see who would be left standing.

“You know those teachers everyone says are really good?” he asked Mandrakecott. “They’re nothing but sentimental crumbling cupcakes. A real teacher never teaches. He waits for you to learn by yourself.”

“I…see…,” drawled Tansy. “That could take forever, but, well...okay.”

“Tomorrow before dawn, at exactly a quarter past three a. m., when the night is darkest,  I will examine aspirants. Right there in that cave next to this shipyard,” said Whackwave grinning  cruelly at  the children.

“An entrance exam?” asked Tansy.

“Certainly not. A kick-you-out-of-here exam. If you know the trade, you get booted out of here with a piece of paper that says yes, you do. It certifies that. And if you don’t, you leave empty-handed.”

“Ah, I see,” said Tansy.

But Azuline saw too. Nothing to do with bullies, she thought. So she didn’t go register herself or Esmeraldo for the exam and didn’t spend a faypence on its fees. She did see enough to know that she didn’t like Whackwave and didn’t need the approval of a tormentor. So she took Esmeraldo by the hand and led him to her Aunt Mabel’s library at Gentle Manor.

“Aunt Mabel says there is nothing one can’t learn in the right  library,” she said to her brother. “We’re not playing Whackwave’s game and we are not entering his cave.He might eat us or something just as bad. I don’t like the way he looked at me. Or you. It wasn’t just supercilious, his look. It was sinister. If we have to do this on our own, we´ll do it on our truly own. We´ll start by seeing what information we have right here.”

The kids were in luck. Since Mabel’s father, the Memorion, was a sea fairy and lived in a boat, there was good material on naval architecture in the library. In half an hour of browsing, Azuline had piled up two dozen useful  books and discarded the three unintelligible ones there were there that were written  by Whackwave himself. But  Esmeraldo had nodded off while she was at it. When he awoke, he said he wasn’t reading all those books. If he couldn’t learn how to  be a naval architect in a practical way, he would be a pirate. That is what dealing with Whackwave had done to him. Turned him into a delinquent.

“First thing I’m going to do is I’m going off to steal a ship,” he said.

“Why? You own dozens of ships. Why would you need to steal one?”

“No self-respecting pirate marauds on a ship his daddy has given him for Christmas,” said Esmeraldo, and he left to look for trouble.

Azuline would have gone after him, but she figured she would be able to help him better if she read all the books she had gathered on naval architecture  first. So she stayed to read them, thinking Esmeraldo wouldn’t have time to get into a mess before she was done. She was not only a voracious reader. She was also a very fast one.   

309. Ghosts of the Old Manse

309. Ghosts of the Old Manse

I, Little Dolphus, the intellectual Leafy, have been asked about the ghosts that haunt Owlwood Manse. So I  went to visit the little cemetery there is on the grounds of that house. I went up to the wall that surrounds the manse and asked for permission to slip in through a crack and the wall wrote “Do so! Pass!” on itself and I did. The grass there was so tall I had to climb up a purple clematis vine wrapped round a rusty iron structure to see where I was. As if high on the crow’s nest of the mast of a ship, I looked around me and saw a swimming pool with light green water close to me, a log cabin to my right, hidden among large, leafy trees still at their youngest green, and then the old manse in the distance, and to its left, the cemetery plot I sought for. 

There was a breeze, and I took advantage of it, fluttering my wings and allowing it to carry me to where I wished to go, landing lightly on the mossy headstone of  a grave that belonged to a certain Juno. The cemetery was rife with little offerings that had been left there on the graves for ages and others that were new. They were gifts from grateful animals, such as a few acorns from squirrels and two or three cherries from birds who been attended by Lonefellow. Two little statues of angels there were, but mostly it was simple headstones, rounded or squared, that marked the graves. A cat and a dog rested before two of these, loyal, perhaps, to their once owners. There were fresh cut flowers, especially lilies and pansies, probably brought there by Tyrone and Felina,  and there were  flowers that were growing there beneath the late spring sun. Plenty of pink dog roses, white peace lilies, blue bacopa blooms, lavender zinnias and lavender itself grew there, once carefully planted, now wild.

I drew out the notebook where I jot down information and was about to write down the names on the headstones when Theophilus Shyboy, the boy who would have been heir to the manse, appeared leaning on one of the angels. His green-eyes  were squinting at the setting sun and his longish brown hair shook a little with the wind. There he stood, looking not a day over thirteen, and I wondered how long it had been since he had moved away from mortal life. He had reduced his size to match mine. My natural size, that is. So the stone angel looked like a giant behind him, instead of a dwarf at his knee.

“Which one is yours?” I asked, pointing at the graves.

“I haven’t got one,” he asnwered. “I’m supposed to have disappeared. I never got to die. I was saved at the last second. Turned into one of you. That’s what I am now. One of us.”

“Ah, yes, of course!” I said.

“People do tend to think I am a ghost. I’m not surprised you thought so. Why are you here? Not that I mind. I’m only curious, if I may be.”

“Of course I’ll give you an explanation. I’m on your property.”

I told him I had been asked who haunted Owlwood Manse and that I had thought browsing through the cemetery might give me an idea.

“They aren’t all here. At least not till December. Some show up at different times. Some do spend the summer here. My Uncle Lonefellow and his wife Juno are here all year lately. They live in their part of the manse, just as they did when they were living. At first my uncle was very upset with my little brother Tyrone for having sold the manse, but that is over now, because Oberon has returned it to us. He’s a nice fellow, and a fair one most times. So he told Ty two limos can’t really pay for a bit of earth. Earth is far more valuable. Priceless, he said it was. He let Ty keep the limos when he returned the manse to him. He said Ty had been generous and he would be too. And he was. I was present when this happened.”

“Only Dr. Lonefellw and Miss Juno dwell here as ghosts?”

“I’ll start at the beginning. The Reverend Doubting Thomas Shyboy built this manse, as you may know. He retired here when he began to have doubts about the Bible after having read Darwin’s On the Origin of Species. Now he knows what it´s all about, he returned to the authentic old manse he once lived in and had abandoned to come to this one. His wife, Isabel Ruth, dwells back there with him. 

They do come here for Christmas. Their sons…they had two, Marius and Hermeticus. These two don’t look alike at all, but their character is similar. Both secretive and reserved. But they say hi when they see me, though not much else.  

Marius and his wife Melissa were much into gardening, and they still drop by about once a week and look after the orchard and the greenhouse here, but they don’t cut the grass because it would make their presence too obvious. But they talk to possible pests and dissuade them from visiting themselves on the grounds, and they water the place at night, surreptitiously, when needed.

Some nights you can hear music over at the Manse. It´s not fay music. It’s Hermeticus and his wife Lorna Pineaway. They drop by and play their old instruments. Now and again one hears his violin or her harp. This place is especially noisy at Christmas. Carols and all, you know.Ty and Felina are unaware of this because they visit her parents during the holiday season. 

Marius had a son, Tristan Edward. He married a mysterious lady who said her name wa Elaine Elfa right after the Second World War. She is very beautiful and a great cook. Both of them are great cooks. They opened a place called the Elfa Café in some city I forget, maybe in Paris. They come here and prepare the Christmas dinner and lunch, cluttering up the kitchen. But the result is wonderful. Of course, the ghosts only feed on memories of what they have eaten in life, unless one burns their food for them and they take in the essence with the smoke. But Elfa’s food helps them remember. I and any fay folk present eat to our fill and delight. They had no children that I know of, Eddy and Elfie. Hermeticus and Lorna had two sons. It took them a while, for they married late. He went to the West Indies to fetch her. One of their sons you are acquainted with.

Yes, the veterinarian Lonefellow Shyboy. His wife Juno was a very friendly, very funny and happy woman who died rather young. He never got over the loss. I think I said they are the only non-mortals ones who live here permanently, aside from me. They are happy again now. Together again. 

Lonefellow’s brother, Fred, was my father, and, of course, also Tyrone’s. Our mother was Alice. She kept bees and he was an insectologist, an expert in butterflies and ladybugs. They often spend the summer here. And we still have good honey because she sees to that yet. If there is anyone else haunting the place, well, I wouldn’t know." 

Theo seemed to have finished, but suddenly he added, "Ah, yes! Just the ghost Matheo, a kid who drowned in Lake Jittery and lives in that cabin there with his friends Dorotheo and Timotheo, two voluntary abductees, and fay now, almost as much as myself. We need a name for that. Changelings won’t do, because though of course they have suffered a change, that name is sort of reserved for exchangedlings, those mortals who were exchanged for bad fairies when they were babes. I let them live there, the other three Theos. They like life in the woods even more than I did. Do. I offered them rooms in the manse, but they prefer the cabin. I sleep in mine still. Up in what is almost an attic. I have that all to myself. I don’t make noise so as not to scare Felina. She looks like a ghost herself when she comes out here to play ball with the forest cats at midnight, but she doesn’t feel too comfortable among spectres. She makes Tyrone come out with her at night and she avoids this part of the manse at any time!" Theo pointed at the grave when he said that.  

 "The Theos do come over on Christmas Eve and Day too. By now you are probably aware that Christmas is the most ghost-active time of the year here at the manse.”

And then I got an invitation. Theophilus gave me a big smile and he added, “You can come have Christmas dinner with us, or lunch on Christmas Day, if you want to. And you can come wander all over this place whenever you wish. Leafies always have freedom of way here.”

And then he turned towards the graves and probably noticed the wee headstones on those of the pets, for he added, “Mustn’t forget the pets. Some live here all year. Others drop by with their former owners. That dog and that cat lounging on the graves are fay. I made them so. The dog is Barney, and he belonged to Uncle Lonefellow and I fayed him when Unk died, becaus he was distraught and beginning to look like a goner himself. And the cat is one of Felina’s, her eldest cat, and her name is Rebecca. She began to show wear at the age of twenty and I acted before she passed away.  The animals buried here, well they were Pinky Meow, a strawberry blonde cat that belonged to my mom, Alicia. Lulu was my mom’s black cat and Luna  was a grey cat that belonged to my Aunt Juno. Fluffy was her dog, Bitsy her fish and Itsy a mouse she adopted. Ralph was half-wolf, half-dog, Darling was a red fox. Tootsie was a snail and Pearl Uncle Eddy’s dog. I think that’s it.”                 

The sun had set and I looked up at the sky.

“There are a lot of angels hovering over the cemetery, aren’t there?” I said, looking up at the sky. “I can see them among the stars.”

“They’ve been picking flowers. About to wilt. Flowers can also be saved. The angels take them to the celestial gardens, where they bloom agan. There always are angels here. Because people said this was a sort of manse, I suppose. But you should see the sky on Christmas Eve. Do come over. I’ll introduce you to everyone.”  

"Don't leave me out. I´m a house cat ghost. Specially when it rains."