138. In the Middle of the Minch

In a question of no time, I was in a field in the Hebrides, surrounded by splendid machair flowers, trying to persuade a giant yellow bumblebee to rent me a dinghy he owned so I could row to the heart of the Minch.

Shamus Yellowbee made me promise I would not frighten the ewes or the lambs in the Shiant Islands, or mess with the birds there even if they were obnoxious bonxies. I was also to refrain from provoking the basking sharks and from feeding the black rats. I promised I would leave no food or garbage about because I wasn’t taking any with me. Another thing I promised not to do was cause a conmotion falling off basalt cliffs, which was easy for me to promise, because I have wings. Last but not least, I gave Shamus my word that I would not raise a storm. I explained that I was not a weather spirit and only had a faint notion how that was done.

Shamus told me that aside from paying rent for the boat I would have to leave a deposit in case the Blue Men decided to drown me and sink the dinghy and I would therefore be unable to return it.

To all this and more I agreed without arguing. So I got my dinghy. I put on a pair of horrible, outdated sunglasses Shamus had thrown in when we made our deal and a lot of sunblock cream. The cream gave my skin a bluish tinge. That inspired me to turn my clothes into a blue T-shirt and blue jeans. This way I would not look too different from the Blue Men and that might favor me. And I started rowing. It was tougher than flying and it took me a while to get to the Shiant Islands.I did not make a stop at these isles, much as I would have liked to, for I had heard they were beautiful. But I had no time to lose. I tried to find the very middle of the Minch and when I thought I had, I stopped rowing. 

                        

I was, I believed, positioned at the point in the ocean supposed to be immediately above the main entrance to the palace of the Blue Men. I drew from a pocket a small lapis lazuli ball, trapped it in a cage-like net of gold and hung it from a long gold chain.These three things belong to me and they come to me when I ask them to. With them I had made something that looked like an angel caller.These callers are also apt for summoning demons if you raise a ruckus with them. But I lowered the ball gently into the ocean, hoping to attract the attention of the blue doorkeeper, and only his attention.

Three things did I know about the Blue Men.The first was that they were rowdy and ferocious and addicted to what they considered the sport of drowning folks during foul tempests. The second was that they always spared rhymers, for they felt the Earth needed more poets than it had and would not deprive it of any. And the third was that they also loved riddles and were grateful to learn new ones, the ruder the better.

I don’t much like riddles. I value clarity and simplicity and riddles make me nervous. But, though I do not consider myself a poet, I’m good at speaking in verse. And I can recite it like the best of Shakespearean actors. So I decided to let this work in my favor. I thought it would be wise to let the Blue Men know from the start that I too, loved the beauty of words. 

So, while I swung the blue jewel in the deep, I began to chant:

                       

“Oh, sapphire-eyed men who dwell in turquoise halls, I evoke you! Leave thy blue coral groves to heed my calls, for I invoke you! Oh, bearded men of cyan skin and indigo hair, rise up from your cerulean lair, above the murmuring waves to parley and exchange a word with the fairy prince Arley.”

Soon I felt my caller was knocking against something, and it was not long before my persistent, hypnotic knocks and chants were answered by one of the demons of the deep I sought to converse with.