113. The Lush Leaf Tree Barbecue

“Summertime! And the living is easy!” sang the Lush Leaf Trees.

I had to wait till the Lush Leaf Trees’ Barbecue to meet Ibys. But meanwhile, at least one of the Fay drew benefit from the past month’s sad encounter with a chanceupon fairy and a bunch of mortals.

Prime Minister Binky would have liked to announce that he disposed of the money he needed to finance his school and present the donor with the Light of Understanding Award in the auditorium of the Royal Library of Saint Job. He had planned an event with a grand banquet included and all the glamour of the Oscars and the potential to raise even more money for the cause that fund-raisers for museums of contemporary art have. But he took too long to organize his fête and Queen Titania refused to participate in an event that should have been held during a month with an “r” in it and not in the middle of a heat wave.   

So the Light of Understanding Award was to be presented to the awardee during the Lush Leaf Barbecue.This strictly vegetarian barbecue lucheon was held every fourth of July by some easy-going trees that always gave lots of shade in the summer. They had chosen this date for their annual barbecue because they were related to the Liberty Tree and proud of it.

Mr. Binky, who liked to think people liked him better when he showed them that he had a sense of humor, went to this year’s barbecue in a historic uniform he had inherited from a thrice great uncle. Mr. Binky and his uncle were English fairies and the PM thought it would be cute and not offensive for him to turn up in the attire of a fay redcoat sympathizer. After all, hostilities had long ceased between the crown and the colony. Fortunately for him, the lush leaf trees were, as I said before, easygoing, though not much amused by his uniform.

                           
“And the tiny tragedy that has so recently occurred is but one more instance of the urgent need for a school that will teach humans and fairies to understand each other so that we can advance together in the path towards a much desired peace between our peoples.”

Mr. Binky then called for my baby sister to fly up to the branch on which he was delivering his speech. She was wearing  a straw hat on her head and he asked her to remove it for everyone to see how grave this incident could have been. He hoped they would feel moved and become sensitive to the unhappy results provoked by a lack of understanding between the mortals and the fairy people.

He smiled at Valentine and said “Don’t be ashamed to show the lump on your head, dear child. It is as honorable as any battle wound.”

               

Valentine started to giggle tee hee as she held her straw hat determinedly on with both hands, shaking her head vehemently.

                               

“The lump disappeared as soon as I cured it,” said Gregoria. She was wearing a straw cowboy hat studded with turquoise beads, jeans and a T-shirt that made her even more attractive than usual. “What Valentine wants is to look as pretty as she can because she’s with her boyfriend.”

“Her boyfriend?” said Mum to Dad. “Our baby has a boyfriend?”

“Now that you ask, I realize that it must be that little kid in shining armour she is with. Jeepers! Our little girl must be one of those fairies that are born with a mate in mind. That’s why she paid no attention whatsoever to any of us. That kind of fairy is only interested in his or her better half.”

“Well,” continued Mr. Binky, “our poor little princess had a lump the size of a melon. But a knight in shining armour has come to her rescue and that of all other little children exposed to becoming victims of sordid misunderstandings with the mortals.”

                        

“What is he saying?” said Alpin. “We rescued her. I and my Gregoria.”

“And it is my honour to introduce you  to our young benefactor – come up here, Ibys – this little knight in sweltering...erh...shining armour, no evil will ever distress this little damsel ever again because soon the light of understanding will shine on fairies and humans alike thanks to this generous boy’s magnificent donation we´ll have our school, and for that I award him this golden lantern, symbol of blah, blah, blah,” continued Mr. Binky.

  

Mrs Parry nudged Fiona and said, “We’ve done it, dear. From now on you and your son are do-gooders, fairyphiles and philantrophists. With the money left you by the pirate that ruined your already dubious reputation, I have bought you gratitude, respectability and a high place in good society. And we will be able to control what that witless descendant of my clan teaches in his ridiculous school because he owes us.”

Fiona had indeed been very worried about what people might say of her little biscuit boy. Ibys, always smiling, all sweetness and light, was all that was left of Salty Boogerbeard except for the gingerbreadman Fiona had kept in the once casino’s safe. The oven could not punish the little good that there was in Salty. It had had to turn the good into a flesh and blood fairy baby that had the golden colour of a cookie baked just right. Fiona had been worried her biscuit-like baby would not get any bigger. But since the child was pure love and love can grow, it was growing like a normal fairy child.

Mrs. Parry had a surprise for Fiona.

“Ibys is not just getting an award,” she whispered to Fi. “The Queen herself is going to make your little boy a knight of the Order of the Hook and Eye. And that though he isn’t even a year old yet. Nobody will dare to cut you from now on.”   

It was true nobody would dare to cut Fiona or Ibys. But nevertheless, the gossips who had once dressed as a string of garlic were already murmuring.

 

“Weeelll! We didn’t ask for no favors, but it looks like we’ll have to eat humble cookie.”

“We are going to be related to a biscuit?” Mum whispered to Dad.

  

“If it were only that! We will be related to the remains of the Pirate Boogerbeard. Valentine will insist on becoming Mrs. Boogerbeardie as soon as she is seven.”

“Isn’t Fiona with that Basque cook now? Can’t the biscuit boy say that this man is his real father and change his last name to his stepfather’s? It can’t be worse than Boogerbeard. Why doesn’t the cook adopt him or recognize him, whatever is necessary?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” nodded Dad, who was friends with Santichu Semeurtzi.

“Maybe he should change his first name too,” added Mum. “Why is he named after a pesticide?”

“A pesticide?” said Dad, surprised.

“The name of the Egyptian god of intelligence is written with an i. The name of  a famous  pesticide with a y.”

“Change his name when you knight him,” whispered Dad. “You’re always mixing up people’s names if you don´t like them, so it will look natural.”

“I’ll call him Ivan,” nodded Mum. "Or maybe Ivar."

  

When the ceremony of the knighting of Ibys-Ivan-Ivar began, Alpin asked me what the Order of the Hook and Eye was about and if they gave one anything worth having for being knighted.

“A couple of centuries back my mother was wearing a dress with a breathtaking neckline. It was held in place by three hooks and eyes that went from her waist to the hem of the neckline. The uppermost of these burst open and, well, a gentleman promptly offered her his cape so she could cover up. Mum created the Order of the Hook and Eye and made him its first member to thank him for this service to the queen. Members get a solid gold hook and eye that they can wear as a bow tie. Look, Mr. Binky is wearing his.”

So was Mr. Binky. And it favored him. He was so radiant that day that people were saying the red coat and the white wig and tricorn hat suited him so that he even looked handsome.

Only one person broke the harmony of the knighting ceremony. Fergus MacLob O’Toora noticed that Ibys was, indeed, in sizzling armour. And he was the only one to want to do something about it.

“Get that lad out of the suit of armour, you ninnies! It’s a sweltering summer’s day. He doesn’t need to be baked a second time!”

Fergus also had something to say about Mr. Binky’s red coat. He himself was wearing a straw Phrygian cap dyed an appropriate red.

“Don’t say you’re a citizen of the worlds, confounded Englishman! Today your clothes betray you.”

"This is a real nice barbecue! We're might glad we came!

The vittles we eat are good, you bet!  The company is the same!"

We kids sang to drown out the quarrels.There is a lot of singing done at the Lush Leaf Barbecue, and we had rehearsed beforehand, so we sounded good and the Lush Leaf Trees cheered and applauded.