48. One of Michael’s Halloween Parties: The Annual Speech

I don’t like having to call my parents. It’s not that it makes me feel immature. It’s that more often than not they make matters even worse for me than they already are before they intervene. But this was one of those times when it was necessary. So I tried very hard to concentrate and reach them wherever they were. And that wherever was Michael O’Toora’s annual Halloween party.

From Don Alonso I learned later how the party had gone. He was not sure if it had gone better or worse than usual. But it had started off like it usually did.

First, Michael’s sister-in-law, the jealous merrow called, saying she would arrive late because she had to bid in an auction. This lady’s dark-haired, blue-eyed beauty is much appreciated by Don Alonso, but he is also afraid of her because she has a voice that can shatter glass when she decides to raise it. Her husband, Michael’s brother Finbar the toymaker, arrived a minute after she called and all by himself. He was able for once to enjoy the party in peace.  

Even more fortunately for Finbar, Handsome Darcy, the Dark Man, decided to grace the party with his presence that year and the girls there only had eyes for him and spent the night dancing jigs around him, so Miss Lira couldn’t have later accused anybody of trying to steal her husband, which the girls sometimes do just to tease her.

Poor Groggie, the Grogoch, always filthy and unkempt, sent word that he couldn’t come to the party because three of his cows were calving that night, so Michael’s house only smelt of rosemary and cinnamon instead of stinking like a crowded barn.

Garth the Pookah, whose presence always means trouble, had become so bored sitting beneath his bridge waiting for lonely passersby to scare that he decided to kill time learning how to knit. Engrossed in his new hobby  it looked as if all he would do that Halloween was sit at Michael’s table knitting a cloak of lovely merino yarn called purple broccoli with a stunning green fringe for Uncle Niall, the Grey Man, Lord of the Mists.

Unfortunately purple and green are the colors of the Ye Fay Football Club, one of the two best in the fairy world. The colours of the cloak reminded the football fans present of the last match held the past season. The Ye Fay F.C. had beaten the Sidhe Band F.C. two to one, thanks to the Roman ghost Artemius, Lord of the Forest. The Minced Forest Leafies are all rabid supporters of the Ye Fay, and it was they who had persuaded Artemius to join their club. He  turned out to be a spectacular player and all the Ye Fayers were singing his praises when Uncle Niall, who is a supporter of the Sidhe Band F.C., began to shout that he would not wear a traitorous cloak for all he appreciated his nephew’s  work. He asked the Pookah to knit him another cloak in yellow and gold instead, for those were his club’s colours. 

Garth replied that he already had an hour’s worth of knitting done and he would sooner take Brian Boru for a ride than start afresh. In case you don’t know about the Pookah and Brian Boru, I will say that Brian was an Irish king who tried to stop the Pookahs from frightening people. When one of these sprites turned into a wild horse, Brian bravely rode it until it became exhausted from trying to throw the king to the ground and trample him.    

One of the Leafies then said that yellow was the colour of cowardice and gold the colour of greed. The Grey Man should be ashamed to wear them.

The Grey Man retorted that yellow was the colour of light and gold the colour of nobility. His team was as grandiose as the Sun in all its splendour, wheras green was the colour of envy and purple the colour of ire.

The guests of one team began to fling first insults and crudités at the guests who were supporters of the other. When somebody flung the first dish of Michael’s lovely Belleek dinnerware, Michael saw it was much less dangerous for his guests to be discussing politics than football. He decided it was the right moment to ask Prime Minister Mungo J. Binky to clink his recycled glass goblet with a silver spoon and begin to make his first annual speech to the audience.

Mr. Binky had noticed that most mortal leaders of nations give a speech on an important night, such as Christmas or New Year’s Eve. In it, they tell their people all about what they have done that year to serve them and what they hope to do the next. Hence, he had decided to follow their example and give a speech on the 31^st of October, the last day of the fairy year.

Because this was a Halloween party, Mr. Binky had come in costume. He was dressed to look like his idea of an infernal civil servant. He thought the other guests would find this a humorous gesture on his part and admire his tolerance. Don Alonso, who mistrusted infernal creatures, said he feared Michael’s combative guests would tar and feather Mr. Binky. But to his surprise everyone followed Fergus MacLob O’Toora’s advice and gave the Prime Minister a chance to speak.

                                  

Mr. Binky spoke masterfully. Even beautifully. His English vowels were impeccable, he vocalized splendidly and argued passionately, like a matchless demagogue. To Don Alonso’s surprise, even the Leafies began to cheer and applaud. Michael then turned to Don Alonso and whispered that his party was going so well that there had to be something very wrong going on.

Michael and Don Alonso looked around them trying to find a reason why even the Leafies were pleased with Binky. And they found it. There was food all over the place. It was evident that the guests had eaten their fill.  They looked really satisfied and contented. And there were tons of leftovers. This could only mean one thing. Alpin was not at the party.

That was how it was discovered that we were missing. I am very independent and have chosen to live on my own since the age of seven, so it was not strange that my parents should not have missed me at once. Alpin’s case is different, for his parents baby him a lot. But I have to say that as much as Mrs. Dullahan fusses over her youngest child, when he is out of her way she breathes freely and engages in other pursuits.

Now that she realized she hadn’t seen him in far too much time, she gave out a bloodcurling scream. For once, my mum did not keep a stiff upper lip. She echoed Mrs. Dullahan’s cry and then they hugged each other and  clung together and screamed even louder. Their screams put that of  Munch’s painting to shame.

                          

            

Mr. Dullahan and my father rushed to tranquilize their wives. And fortunately for everyone,  Puck tried to reach me by mental telepathy and as I was trying to reach him too, we got connected.