“Aren’t we being shortchanged here?” practical Thistle
whispered back, counting on her fingers. “I thought the peas were worth six
hundred mortal euros. Oh, I see! The other two hundred are the profit the
restauranteur makes.”
When I next saw my sisters, Heather and Thistle were dragging themselves
to The Poultice. When I say dragging, I mean they could barely walk. And they
looked frightfully wan and haggard.I have never seen my sisters look uglier.
Actually, I had never ever seen them looking ugly at all. They took turns
carrying a little tray with four peas on it, and to see them do this you would
think they were transporting a sack full of rocks .
I
understood at once that the girls had been sleeping on peas for two nights in a
row and that this truly could kill genuine princesses.
Aghast at what I was seeing and afraid that
they might faint before they reached The Poultice, I made them let me carry the
tray for them and followed them there. That was when we saw the sign that said
the restaurant had been closed by Alpin.
“I’m sorry, your highnesses,” said Santichu
Semeurtzi, the Spanish Basque fairy who owned the restaurant, “I know I
promised to, but I can’t keep my promise to buy your peas.” He was a big,
strapping fellow who loved to joke and was always humming and smiling, and
whistling while he worked, but that day he looked as if he had been to a
funeral.“A changeling has folded up my business.”
Standing outside the restaurant with Santichu
were Michael and Fergus. Michael wanted to know why Santichu hadn’t
reserved the right to refuse admission.
“The boy came with Death’s Coachman, who told
me I was prejudiced for not allowing changelings in my restaurant. He added
that if I insulted his kid he would take me for a ride. So I thought it would
be prudent to let them in. But when they had finished half of what I had stored
in my cupboard I asked them politely to leave. Then Handsome Darcy appeared and
asked me very kindly to let his little brother finish having lunch. Since there
is no saying no to Handsome Darcy, well, the changeling finished his lunch and
everything I had in the restaurant, to the last grain of black rice. They even
got me to agree to be paid with one fairy pence, which, as you probably know,
is like toy money, and only an illusion of the prime minister’s. Here, up till
then, everybody had always paid in gems, gold ingots or mortal money.The boy
said it had been a peerless pleasure to eat here and he was sure to be back and
become my most faithful client. With a threat like that hanging like Damocles’
sword over me, I will never be able to open this place again. And now I will probably
have to go on welfare. Has Binky invented fairy welfare yet?”
And that is how Vinny did away with a gathering
place for darksiders. But Fergus felt sorry for Santichu, who was really full
of light himself, and decided to give him a chance to get on his feet again,
though more humbly.
“My son is giving a Halloween party. He leaves
everything for the last minute and to the date still hasn’t seen to providing
refreshments. Could you cater for him? Michael, be kind to this jobless cook
and hire him immediately.”
Michael said that if he left things for the
last minute it was in the hope of not having to give the Halloween party. But
since it looked as if he would have to, Santichu could consider himself hired.
And Santichu proved game. He was a vocational
cook and the idea of organizing a party thrilled him. He said he would go off to search for vittles that very minute. He
thought he would probably be able to get hold of a few pumpkins, but since it
hadn’t rained much there might not be enough mushrooms. And the squirrels had
probably gathered up all the nuts in Minced Forest by then. What he could guarantee
were the drinks. He had two cellars and Alpin, unaware of that, had only
visited one. Since he never sold alcohol to minors, Alpin had only left him out
of milk, pop and fruit juice. In the second cellar, the one that Alpin had no
knowledge of, Santichu had countless varieties of mead and whole barrels of
wheat grass juice well stored.
“But the party is at night!” cried Michael. “If
you serve wheat grass juice cocktails, Troy will burn! I see it coming!”
But Fergus and the Leafies all joined in one
big “Hooray!”
When I told my parents how Heather and Thistle
had tried to help with the bill, my parents were touched.
“So you’ve gone without sleep for nights and earned
nothing by it,” said my dad. “But I’m sure it’s for the best that Alpin put an
end to your A Princess Slept On Me Pea business. You look frightful with
those dark circles under your eyes. Titania, one would think they are
scarecrows.”
“We’ll keep the peas in the safe as if they
were emeralds,” said Mum. “Sooner or later someone will want them. I always thought that tale about peas causing
insomnia was pure nonsense. How wrong I was! But I’ll tell you something,
girls.All is not lost. You look so awful we can save on money for your
Halloween costumes. Just go as yourselves to Michael’s party. You’ll put the
zombies there to shame.”
“Oh, no!”
cried Dad.
“Aren’t you the one who looks on the bright
side of life, Obie? Well do that!” retorted Mum. “If you don’t like zombies and
you think they look like scarecrows, they’ll go as scarecrows.”
“And after that we can sleep all we want to and
grow pretty again?” asked Heather.
“After that you must sleep more than you might want to,” said Mum. “I don’t want
scraggy daughters a day after Halloween! There’s no excuse for having them!”
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