80. The Trees Uprise

Two days after, my father, who always reads the press while he has breakfast, showed me a photo of a tree pulling part of its roots out of the ground so they looked like bare buttocks and the tree appeared to be mooning.

“This has to be happening at Alpin’s house,” he said. “I’ll bet that’s where it’s happening. Where else?” 

There was, along with the photo, a note that said a blight had fallen upon a neighbourhood that did happen to be that of the Dullahans.The trees there were making all kinds of brash and rude gestures. Some looked as if they were sticking out their tongues, others were giving the finger with their twigs and branches, and one was even mooning. It seemed they were reacting in this impolite and unprecedented way to an unceasing noise that came from a house there. The earplugs in the local pharmacy had sold out and the neighbors had asked the zoning committee to pay the owners of the noisy house a visit.   

“I think you should go see if  your friend is ok,” said Dad. “He’s your friend, isn’t he?”

“No,” I said sadly. “But I am his friend.”

And because I was Alpin’s friend, I went to see what was happening, afraid as I was that it might have to do with me and my gift.

   

And so it did. Alpin was yelling like a maniac with a megaphone that he wanted a blank check too. He had been screaming since I had left his house after telling him about mine.

                                     

“Oh, Arley!” whispered Mrs. Dullahan to me. “Thank goodness you are here! Let’s see if we can get Alpin to shut up between us. My husband is about to do something terrible.”

“I’ve had it!” Death’s Coachman suddenly blurted in his deep and cavernous voice. “I can’t put up with this screaming a second more! I haven’t heard anything as annoying since the trumpet felled Jericho! Alpin, I’m going to take you for a ride in my carriage!”                   

Only Miss Aislene’s desperation before a threat like that could have made me explain to this people why I had a blank check. As I spoke, I crossed my fingers hoping my mum would not hear about what I was having to say. 

“I thought you didn’t want to tell me what you would ask for because you were going to ask for something stupid like peace on earth or food for the starving, like a miss in a beauty contest,” said Alpin once I had told him the reason why I had received a blank check. “Things like that aren’t in the hands of the Magi, so it’s useless to ask for them. I underestimated you, Arley. You turned out to be a lot smarter than I thought, you conniving, ambitious, two-faced rat. Alright, you traitor. There’s a way you can redeem yourself. Give me that check.”

“Alpin, how can you say such dreadful things to Arley?” put in Mrs. Dullahan. “Don’t you see the poor thing has a serious illness and needs to get cured?”

                           

“The Magi and I have a gentlemen’s agreement,” I said. “They gave me the check because they know I am responsible. You can see Dr. Freud in my stead if you want to, but ceding you my appointment is the best I can do. I can’t give you the check.”

“Why would I want to see a doctor? I'm not unhappy, like you always are. Alright, I’m ready to bargain. All  I will ask for is that you share the check with me. Knowing psychiatrists, the doctor is likely to charge a tidy sum. Multiply that by three when you fill in the check and split the extra money with me. That’s the best I can do too.”

I shook my head in denial and Alpin began to rave again.

“The Wise Men have been stupid enough to trust you with their money. It’s nobody’s fault but theirs if you take advantage of this! They’re asking to be fleeced.They know as well as anyone else that everyone does these things. Are you going to be the only fool that doesn’t?”

“Yes,” I nodded, “the only one.”

 “You know why you don’t want to do this? Because you’re chicken! You think the Magi will break your legs if you cheat them. But they won’t. They are good people. All they’ll do is say they are disappointed in you. Maybe folks will gossip for a while and call you names, but that’s it. And when that is long over, you’ll still have the dough. Nothing cheek and patience can’t fix ever happens to breachers of faith around here.”

“Bah!” said Mr. Dullahan suddenly. We had all forgotten about him, but he was still there, standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring straight ahead of him into the void. A bicycle bell rang and Mr. Dullahan hulked to the door and opened it. He was so large his back blocked the sight of whoever it was he was letting in. He took his hat from a rack by the door and walked out without making another noise or greeting Joy Or Woe, the fairy postperson, unless it was with a nod we had not seen.

Joy Or Woe had a letter for Mrs. Dullahan.

Miss Aislene opened it at once and excitedly. Then she squealed and hugged and kissed Joy.

“Oh, Alpin,” she exclaimed, “I have something that will be better for you than any blank check! It will be good for you too, Arley! It will be good for all of us. But we have to go fetch it and the best time to do that is right this minute. We’re off  to see our favorite toymaker!”

That was when we all headed off for the North Pole to visit Finbar O’Toora.