159. Plain Jane's Plea

 

 159. Plain Jane’s Plea

“We promised! You know we did!” said Alpin.

There he was. Staring at me with his could-be-evil-looking magic eye.  

“I don’t exactly remember that  I did,” I said. “I´ll have to look it up in my diary. I remember I gave her a couple of recipes for chestnuts. But I think that was it. I did do something I shouldn’t have. I turned her into a slightly magical person when I taught her how to enter our side of that territory. So she could pick fine chestnuts instead of having to steal frozen bananas.”

“Don’t try to back out. I’m sure you said for her to call if she needed you.”

“As I remember  it,  you said all she had to do was cackle like a hen and you would come to her rescue,”  I said, “if she ever needed you.”

“Well, she does and she has. She’s cackled!”

 “What is the matter with her?”

I think Alpin knew but didn’t want to tell me. Not the whole story, no. He was afraid I might not cooperate if I knew too much.

“I heard cackling,” was all he said. “It didn’t sound like Feathers. You remember my pet hen Feathers?”

I nodded.

“Your Mom gave her to my sisters Heather and Thistle because she was afraid your hen might eat you.”

“That’s right. Or peck my eye out. It sounds ungrateful of Feathers, doesn’t it? But it’s not easy to recognize me in this apple guise, is it? Or to warm up to me. I didn’t use to smell like an apple, did I? Did I smell awful when I was a garbage eater?”

“I agree. The hen can’t be blamed.”

I felt that Alpin was trying to get me to feel sorry for him so I would cooperate with whatever he had in mind. I had to be on guard so he wouldn’t have his way if it wasn’t right for him to have it.

“I had a vision of Jane.I saw her with my eye. She was standing with her kids in the middle of what looked looked like Greek theatre masks. These were on columns that were sort of classic too. Yes, they were large columns, somwehat Greekish, topped by heads that wore the masks of Greek tragedy. All but one. It was red-lipped and laughing.”

“Like a Greek comedy mask?” I asked.

“Yes. The only laughing one. The others all had downcast mouths and were totally a greyish white. And you know what else?”

“No. What?”

“The ground was covered with piles of sunflower seed husks.”

“Not banana peels or chestnut shells and their annoying skin?”

“No. No once blue banana peels then turned black. Or any other colour. And no trace of chestnuts.”

“What is going on back there?”

“That’s what you’ll have to inquire,” said Alpin.

“You know and you’re not telling me! That’s how bad it is. I am sure you are well aware of  all the trouble we’ve had since we last messed with humans. Look at you, Alpin! Messing with humans brings bad luck. You should know this better than anyone.”

“But this is because I ate, out of season, foul blackberries that had nothing to do with humans. The pookah isn’t human, and he’s the one that did this to me. The humans aren’t the authors, only part of the consequences.”

“The pookah hates humans. He befouls the berries because of them. Fairies don’t eat post third harvest berries. Only you do.”

 “Did. I never was a cannibal, you know. I never ate my own species.  I still  don’t. I wouldn’t eat fruits of any kind now. I was a peculiar child, wasn’t I?”

“And an even more peculiar young man, or whatever  it was you were when you took to devouring garbage.”

“Well, I’m a helpless, ageless apple now that doesn’t eat a thing. So helpless that’s preciseley why it’s you that has got to help Jane, even if you didn’t promise to and only I did. Someone has to do this for me, Arley, and only you can be counted on to help in a pinch.”

“You’re saying I’m the only one stupid enough to get into a mess on account of some human you had dealings with.”

“No! Kind, not stupid. You are kind, Arls.”

“I’m not as nice as I used to be. I lost my girlfriend. I saw you turned into an apple. I can’t stand seeing people quarrel and I’ve had to. I’m not too happy about anything that has been happening lately. I’m…I’m resentful!” I chose that word remembering how the teddies had used it. “Yes, that’s it. I’m sour and bitter! I feel sorrier for myself than for anyone else and I don’t remember being happy since we returned from our sojourn among those humans. Everyone says it brings bad luck to deal with them, and now I say it too! The humans, their malice and everything else that has to do with them and their self-provoked problems, all that brings bad luck!”

“You sound like the Pookah, don’t you? Garth says the only good humans are dead humans… and maybe not even.”

“He’s not entirely wrong. Once they become spirits, humans are more like us. Of course, there are still good and bad spirits, but we can be friends with most human ghosts without inviting trouble. Nauta, for instance, or Artemius. They were human once. And both violent men. But there’s nothing wrong with them now.”

“Capital fellows,” nodded Alpin. “Mr. Lonefellow’s ghost too. Don’t forget him. He hasn’t forgotten me.You know, he drops by to visit me once in a while and even tried to break the spell I’m under with his Shyboy Oil. Unsuccessfully, as you can see. But he did try. And I’ll tell you a secret. I was beginning to wizen and shrink, and it’s that oil that keeps me plump and juicy. And Ty Shyboy, why, sometimes he visits and shows me photos of the graffiti he does. He´s in magazines. Making a name for himself. An anonymous one, of course.”

“The Parafairies,” I sighed. “Yes, those are nice humans. They respect us. They never try to enslave and exploit or abuse us. But it’s not the case here, Alpin. It’s not what we saw when we went to that Bananawood place.”

I didn’t want to mention the repulsive Greed King or his horrible death and I was glad that Alpin didn’t mention him either.   

“But you’ll help Jane anyway. Because I know you won’t be able not to, Arley.”

I was afraid he was right. I didn’t think I would be able to keep from trying to help someone I knew who was in trouble right under my nose, much as I might want to and even if it was a human. But I didn’t want to give in easily.

“I’ll tell you what,” I said. “I’ll check in my diary. If it says I promised to help Jane, I …I might keep my promise. But only if I made one.”

“You’ll help her,” said Apple Alpin wisely. “No matter what your diary says. Don’t bother reading it, Arley. You couldn’t keep from doing good. You’re  a compulsive good deed doer. Just like I couldn’t help eating and there are people who can’t help doing bad things no matter how much they would rather not do them. It’s the other side of the coin.” 

“I shouldn’t have come here,” I said.

“But you have,” said Alpin. “I bet you didn’t really want to. You just couldn’t keep from being nice to me. Now go ask my mum for a piece of her black tea cake and say you will think about this. I know that you will, and if you do, you’ll be back tomorrow saying you’re willing to help Jane. How I wish I could have some of that cake myself!”

I didn’t ask Mrs. Dullahan for a piece of her best cake because I was afraid that if I ate it I would never be able to say no to Alpin. If she got to ask me to help Alpin, I would not be able to say no. And I wanted to say no. Deep inside, I didn’t blame Alpin for all the trouble that had been caused. Alpin had always done things like eat forbidden fruit and we never had been the worst for it for long. I blamed myself for having had dealings with humans. And I didn’t want to have them again. It was true this brought bad luck. Should I decide to help Jane, it would be without her knowing it. I would do it secretly and as far away from her and other humans as possible. But what was I thinking? Help Jane indeed! I didn’t want to get involved in a mess like this a second time. So I left the house through the dining room window, without daring to say goodbye to Mrs. Dullahan and feeling bad about being rude. But there it was. Alpin had only mentioned humans and I was already feeling twice as terrible.

“You’ll be back!” I heard the little apple cry after me with Alpin’s so familiar voice. “See if you won’t!”