183. Adelphi

183. Adelphi

Every May Eve Mum and Dad drop by each of the four fairy rings in Apple Island and say hí to the fairies celebrating there. After these acts of presence, they headfor our Uncle Brightfire’s birthday party, which is always held in our Uncle Richearth’s ideal home. It is held there because Uncle Rich’s palace is surrounded by tremendous fields where he grows more crops than anyone else in Fairyland. He has this one field where he only grows spectacular wild flowers and that is where the caterers set up a fabulous  white gauze tent with no top so guests can have dinner under the stars.

Uncle Gentlerain said he was more scared of going to this party than of  a legion of raging pucas,  but he didn’t want to disappoint Heather and Thistle, who were determined to help him make a truly impressive show at a feast where everybody looks sensational. I have to admit they did a good job. When Uncle Gen came out of the rose petal bath they had prepared for him he didn’t look a day over twenty splendid springs. His hair had gone russet from the red petals, and his eyes were almost as violet as Mum’s. Though he insisted on wearing grey, my sisters forced him to at least don fairytale prince silks and satins.

“You’re beauteous!” cried Heather and Thistle, when he finally got into an outfit they approved. “You’re back! You’re a prince again! You’re like the portrait there is of you in the palace gallery, with a faint rainbow in the background! We always wondered who that was, and now we know it’s you.” And then they added, “You need a coronet.”

Uncle Gen laughed and a platinum circlet appeared round his head. It had two garnates and a large amethyst on it.

“Always wear an amethyst when you go to a place where they will make you drink,” he said. And he produced, for us, three lovely brooches shaped like a plant of  violets with amethysts for petals and jade for leaves. 

Heather and Thistle were delighted with these gifts and in gratitude they twined flowers round Uncle Gentlerain’s circlet with their own hands. As I pinned my brooch on the lace round my throat, I remembered how my sisters would do that to prepare me for a party when I was little. I guess I was like one of their dolls then, and Uncle Gen was their dolly today.  

When we were all washed and perfumed and silk clad and flower bedecked we went directly in Uncle Gen’s dragon drawn cart to Uncle Richearth’s. I hadn’t thought they would be, but Mum and Dad were already there. Later Mum would tell me she had reversed the usual order of the day and would drop by Rich’s first and later by the fairy rings because she had a feeling Gen would show up there early and she didn’t want him to have to deal with the boors there by himself.

When we entered and the master of ceremonies announced us, there was a great gasp followed by a sudden silence, broken only by the rustling of silk clothes as heads turned. And then there were indeed ooohs and aaahs. Dad shouted “Over here, Genti!” and we saw he was at a table loaded with appetizers, his chair so large that it looked like a throne., surrounded by several of his brothers, namely Uncle Bertram, Uncle Henry, Uncle Euric and Uncle Frederick and by some of his brothers-in-law, Richearth, Wildgale, Brightfire and Evenfall, all, of course, also our uncles.

“Don’t be scared, Uncle Gen,” said Heather. “Go speak with them. We won’t leave your side.”

Individually, our uncles are jolly  good fellows, kind to us, each in his own way. But as a group they are to be avoided. They have some kind of a need to outdo each other and each one acts crazier than the next. Except for Uncle Evenfall, whom I will tell you about later on, and who seemed to be dozing off in his seat, an enormous leather armchair he carries everywhere with him in case he feels like a nappy and which was now also at the table. I don’t know how Evenfall tolerates the pack of brothers, or why they allow him to hang out with them, because he has nothing to do with them. All the rest of these men and a few others not present, are collectively refererd to as The  Adelphi or The Cucanian Beasts, depending on the reputation they have left behind them in this place or that. They lose much of their good looks becoming quite vinegar-faced when they gather. Although most of the time all they do is share their dour boredom, they  tend to take stands violently and have been known to defend their opinions by bashing the furniture and each other with their always beautifully wrought canes or staffs, and even by drawing out their charged magic wands. They are also fond of trying out new spells on each other without previous warning.

“Happy birthday, Fi,” said Uncle Gen to Uncle Brightfire.

“¡Aha ha ha! The Nanny!” guffawed Uncle Brightfire, when he saw who Uncle Gen had come with. “Jenny the Nanny!”

“We’re over seven!” snapped Thistle at him crossly. “And you know it, dork!”

“Actually they have come to protect me,” said Uncle Gen mildly.

“We’ve offered like a thousand people a hundred to one you wouldn’t show, Genti. But nobody accepted,” said Uncle Wildgale.

“Druken Odin be thanked! We would be broke, ”said Uncle Bertram.

All the brothers except Dad, slumbering Evenfall and of course Gen, shouted, “Hear, hear!” and drank to Odin.

“Better to be talked about than not to be talked about, eh, Genti?” said Uncle Freddie. “So we are hearing you´re in the slave trade. Sold a bunch of pesky mortal mannekens of the kind that pester  you to the mountain goats.”

“No, he didn’t!” shouted Heather and Thistle in unison. “They went willingly! And who are you calling goats? You’re lucky the Fauns aren’t here to hear you.”

“A  cheap labour provider then?” asked Uncle Rich. “You’ve had something to do with that before haven’t you? Now that I think of it.  And now that I think of it, it might come in useful harvestime. Give me a call.”

“Asylum-seekers,” I said stepping bravely up to the front. I felt I had to say something because those kids were in our world on account of the Sherbananian war.

“Hmm,” said Uncle Rich, a little taken aback by my vehemence.

“What do you know? The felon is popular with the babies of the house!” interrupted Uncle Henry.

“What’s Gen been here?” asked Uncle Fred. “Three days? Mungo Johnny, may he rest for peaceful eons, was going to destroy our world, but ´tis Gen who´ll finish it off. Three days and he’s imported savage mortals and released  a bunch of criminals. What was that? An amnesty to celebrate your return to power?”

“He’s returned infractors home,” I said. “The puca Garth was holding them captive in a kind of private jail he had in his dominions. That’s not right.”

“He has every right to do that! It’s perfectly legal to hex offenders and place them were they won’t give any more trouble. That puca  does things like they’ve always been done here! To hex and to hold! Don’t you know what conventions are, silly boy?” yelled Uncle Euric at me. Uncle Euric has an interest in law and  is the only fairy aside from Mr. Binky to even consider considering a written code.

“l know about conventions, Uncle,” I said, trying to sound as calm as Uncle Gen when he negotiated with the puca. “You really want to hoard delinquents here? No, you don’t, Uncle Euric. Not you. The convention is to send them where they belong.  Back the way they came and Home and exile! Home for offending mortals, exile for wicked fays.”

“Who’s this wise chit?” asked Uncle Euric.

“He’s the kid who wanted to fumigate a banana grove and his uncle woke Homer so he would sing about the lad's wrath,” said Uncle Henry.

“Cute war, kid,” said Uncle Bertram. “Eighteen cannons to one fart. How much did it cost?”

The uncles began to close in on me. Uncle Gen put a hand on my shoulder signalling that he would take over from there. I glanced at Dad. But Dad did nothing. I lie. He did  do something. He winked an eye at me. Before Uncle Gen could speak, Uncle Evenfall yawned tumultously, probably pretending he was waking up.

“Ahhhmm  aaah haaappy to seeeee yoooooll, oll fohhhh!” drawled Uncle Evenfall as loud as he could. “Yoll ah really nice to look at. You best, Geeentiii. Welcome hooome.”

Uncle Evenfall is a very nice brother of Mum’s. He is always smiling, perhaps a trifle too wistfully, and he sometimes slurs his words a little as if he were about to fall asleep. Being in his drowsy but tender company makes you feel a little sad, though very relaxed. And he not only always wishes you sweet dreams when he says goodbye, he actually makes you have them when you get back home and go to bed. I wish I knew how he does that. A confirmed eccentric, when we were little, he was the only one of our uncles who was actually fun. He brought bats to the nursery to tell us battime stories. These were worse than “bat” jokes but we found them hilarious. We would get hiper amd jump on the beds and pillow fight and then be so tuckered out we would sleep till noon the next day, all the while having sweet dreams.On moonless nights he would  take us out to hunt for deaf cats. He has a vast collection of deaf cats in his ideal home. He says most white cats are deaf and stand less of a chance of survival than others in this miserable world and that is why he takes every white cat he sees that is out on its own on moonless nights home with him. It was a sight to see him squat and then spring from rooftop  to rooftop chasing after them and real fun to do as he did. How proud we were when we did catch a cat! And how we quarrled over naming it. Needless to say, we kids took every stray cat we could catch, regardless of colour or deafness, back home with us because once we´d caught them Uncle Even said we had to feed them. Uncle Evenfall did a lot of other crazy things too. I am sure he was only pretending to be drowsing off when we arrived, and truly well aware of all that was going on. And now he was about to stage a drama. 

“Loooook at hiiiiiiiiim!”he hollered at the whole assembly. He rose from his seat with impressive tears literally springing from his eyes and shouted “Look at my brotheeeer! My long-lost brotheeer! Returned from among the loooooowest of the deeeeeeeead!” He hugged Uncle Gen hysterically and continued hollering. “Bless hiiiiiiiiim! Blessed are the eyes that behold yoooooooou! Thank heaveeeens! Blessed be the skyyyyyyyyy! Blessed, blessed be the dayyyyyyy! WELCOOOOOOOME!” And then he whispered into Uncle Gen’s ear, “These people don’t know how to welcome anyone. They need to be taught.” And gave him another strangling bear hug.

Uncle Gen began to laugh and there were tears in his eyes too, not only of laughter, I think. He hugged Uncle Evenfall right back and said well met and thanked him for the effusive welcome. When he broke away, he told Evenfall he would be right back but had to go greet a certain person. When we turned away, it was much worse. The women were waiting for Gen. Which is why he made a straight beeline for Mrs. Parry’s table seeking protection.