209. And They Hoped to Live Happily Ever After

209. And They Hoped to Live Happily Ever After

November is the month when Uncle Richearth goes on holiday. Yes, he is always going on sprees, all year round. But officially, he doesn’t work in November. Harvests are over, and he doesn’t plant anything until the first three days of December, when he produces all kinds of evergreens that shoot up to  various sizes  and are to be used as Christmas decorations . So, so he could go on a honeymoon trip withhout being bothered, the wedding was to be held early in November.

And the big day came. And I hadn’t warned him that something was cooking, and that it was not  just in his kitchen. Alpin watched me like a hawk so I wouldn’t squeal on Mathilde. And I watched Mathilde like a hawk and saw no sign of her having made her intentions clear to Uncle Richearth.  

 And she knew I was watching her and so it was on the big day, early in the morning, that Mathilde came up to me with a sealed envelope and said I was to give this to Uncle Richearth a half hour before he and she were to meet at the dock to board the wedding barge. What is the wedding barge? Many fairies who marry formally like to get to where they are to say their vows sailing in a barge that floats from the sea up a river in Apple Island to one or another of the fairy rings, where many weddings are held.  Others marry in a small island in the centre of the Lake of Loving Swans, and reach this island also by barge. Uncle Richearth’s home is so grand that he meant to celebrate his wedding right there, but he would fetch the bride at his mother’s house, where she would go to be dressed by her mother and future mother-in-law and an assortment of aunts and cousins that included Cybela and the Bluebell twins. Then they would both float up a river, one of my brother Malrose’s,  that ran through grandma’s garden and also passed Rich’s  plantation. Richearth himself had  taken charge of the flowers for the wedding and had decorated his garden with all  kinds of white aromatic blossoms that would show well in the night. He grew different kinds of jasmine, arabian, nightblooming, crepe, sumbac and others. There were many kinds of white lilies too, such as ginger lilies, stargazer lilies,  spider lilies and lilies of the valley. White lilacs, angel’s trumpets, tuberose, nicotiana, autumn clematis, stocks, paperwhite narcissus, vanilla spice,  ylang-ylang, plumeria, magnolias and frangipani, white hyacinths and white violets,  orange blossoms and mock orange blossoms, daphne, viburnum, sweet osmanthus, candle flowers, gardenias, puakenikeni, he named it and there it was. He even invented new flowers for the occasion. The bride’s bouquet was a beauty,  and now it was lying at my feet, where Mathilde had let it drop.

As I was saying, before she left, Mathilde tried to give me this envelope and said that when everyone began to search for the bride so the couple could board the wedding barge, I was to give Uncle Richearth the letter.

“This is a Dear John letter isn’t it?” I asked her very seriously.

And when she said that yes, it was, I told her I didn’t want to do what she was asking me to. I thought she should go speak with Uncle Richearth in person that very morning.

“You should have done it at least before he planted all those flowers last night,” I said.

“Will you shut up and take the letter, Arley?” snapped Alpin.  “Here, Mathilde, give it to me. I’ll hand it to your Dear John. He may have been kind to you but, given his record, he deserves this and more. And you just go on keeping your trap shut up tight, Arley. I’m tired of telling you all will end well.”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked Alpin.  “Is it because you want to eat up all the extraordinary banquet food? That’s why you needed to let Uncle Richearth organize this huge and now meaningless party?”

“That too. But watch and wait,” said Alpin.

And I watched how Uncle Wildgale appeared in the distance and stood there expectantly, not daring to come towards us.

“Yes,” said Mathilde, handing Alpin the letter. “I’m not doing this to hurt your uncle, Arley. He’s been very sweet to me. But I have other plans. And you’ll see how he won’t mind. He’s been through situations like this one many times before. Believe me, Arley, by doing this, I will make him happier than he imagines. He was only marrying me to do me a favor, and that favor I am going to do myself.”

I thought she was being a bit ungrateful, but I held my peace, because it was what she wanted, and because I thought she was right about Uncle Richearth’s not going to be too upset because he was being jilted. And because I was happy for Uncle Wildgale, standing expectantly in the distance. And for Mathilde too. Why not? I was sure Rich  would find comfort in the arms of the  first woman available.

And he did.

Uncle Richearth  came  in the gloaming, floating down the river in the most beautiful wedding barge I have ever seen, followed by a fleet of similar barges that were to transport his guests to his home.  The barges were made of mahogany and gold, with sails of light green silk richly embroidered with diamond and gold beads, as were the garments the bargemen and the pages wore. They blazed in the light of the setting sun, and the second that was  gone, thousands of candles lit up on all the barges to welcome the moon.  And there was Uncle Rich, sitting on a solid gold swan-shaped throne beside a second throne just like it, with the necks of the swans twining as if they were about to kiss. And my heart sank when I thought that second seat would remain empty. The minute the fleet got to the dock, the people there began to cheer and Uncle Rich, all dressed in green to match his eyes leapt off the boat and stepped on shore bowing and saluting happily as Alpin approached him with the letter.

“Wow!” said Uncle Richearth after reading the letter before the crowd that had gathered to watch this spectacle. “Can you believe this? Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been jilted.”

Ula came quickly up to him, looking as if she was making an effort not faint. That had to mean she was really affected, because she’s not the vaporous kind.

“It’s not possible!” she cried. “She can’t have gone far off. We were with her a second ago.”

“Don’t bother looking for her,” said Uncle Rich smiling. “The wind has blown her away. She’s eloped with my brother. You know, Wildgale. The cheese crunchies eater.”

When Ula and the Batavian guards heard that, they began yelling and screaming, and it took all it could for Uncle Richearth to calm them down. Some. Because entirely was not possible.

“Please don’t make a fuss,” he kept saying. “In her letter, Mathilde asks me to keep you from going after her.Don’t make it tough for me to do that.”

“I am so ashamed!” Ula kept saying.

“No,” Uncle Rich assured her. “This happens all the time. I’ve never left a woman that hasn’t left me first. Sometimes we part friends and sometimes we don’t. But they all leave. Mathilde will be fine. My brother will treat her right. And he wails a lot, but he’s not entirely poor. There’s  black  gold in them thar marshes. That’s why I’ve never planted anything there. Of course, I doubt Wild will extract it. We fay don’t use petrol. Or think much of it. But it’s good to know it´s there.  And I suppose I deserve this. I did do worse by Wild.”

Grandma, Aunt Cybela, and all the other old ladies who had been helping dress Mathilde kept saying they were the ones who were embarassed by what unreliable bridegrooms they had provided.

“Choose your offensive adjectives well. I’m not unreliable!” protested Uncle Rich. “And neither is Wildie. I’m standing here, and he came for her, didn’t he? So we can both be relied on to marry anyone. Maybe we are unpresentable, but never unreliable. Though I’m present and so was he. So maybe there’s nothing wrong with us.”

“This is not the way it’s done!” snapped Sweetquill, to our surprise. “You are unfit and indeed unpresentable princes! A frog would do it better.”

He and Treadfaster were doing all they could to console the Bluebell twins, who were crying their eyes out, thinking this was another failure of theirs.

“For this!” suddenly thundered Grandfather AEternus Virbonus turning accusingly on my grandmother Divina. “You made me leave my house for this! I’m fed up with these needling idiots!”

“Who are you going to marry now?” Alpin asked Uncle Richearth, taking advantage of the distraction Grandpa was providing. “You can’t let all this display go to waste. And you have to make it worth your dad’s while to be here after all the trouble your mum has taken to bring him.”

“You’re right,” said Uncle Richearth. “I would be unconsolable if I couldn’t find someone to marry tonight.”

And he began to look around him.

Uncle Evenfall got up from his chair and was about to take Uncle Rich off before he did something stupid, but Alpin got hold of Rich’s arm first and said,  “Richie, I have a sister. And a very goodlooking one too.”

“The blonde with the cookie kid! I could fancy her, yes,” said Uncle Rich.

“That one is taken. This other one is just as pretty. And she’s smart too. Only she’s shy.”

“I like shy,” said Uncle Rich, “too.”

Alpin suddenly shoved Branna before Uncle Rich. She was in a state of shock. It was clear she hadn’t been in on this. But Rich…he was delighted with her.

“Yes!” he cried. “I do! Yes! I will marry this woman!”

“No way!” shouted my grandfather. “There is no way you are going to marry into this abominable child’s family!”

“Look here, exalted AEternus,” said Alpin. “Your son has taken a lot of responsibility off your hands. He has taken your lands, that’s true. But he works them. And lands are for those that work them. Not for loafers like you. And you know it isn’t easy to do your work or you’d be doing it yourself. And he hasn’t taken your wife from you because she’s his mother. But where will he find a woman who will be willing to love him even if he gets his head cut off with a scythe? This poor man lives under a threat like that. My sister loves my dad, who has a similar problem, and she will love your son even if he gets to have to go about with his head in his hand. Where else will he find that?”

“Wow!” said Uncle Rich. “That does have me worried. I love this woman! More than ever. More every minute!”

“Show some gratitude for all your son does for us, AEternus. Give him your support!” yelled Alpin at my grandfather.

“Don’t worry dear,” said Grandma Divina, trying to lead Grandpa away. “This alliance may not last long. They never do.”

“This match has my support!” suddenly announced Mrs. Parry, doyenne of fay society and a great friend of Fiona’s. It was she who had made everyone forget the Dullahan girls’  vampire pasts.

“Darling,” said Aunt Cybela, stepping to the fore and taking hold of Branna’s arm, “do you want to marry Richie? Say you do, dear. You won’t find a grander husband.”

“She’ll never find anyone else. All she does is stay at home fiddling with numbers and gazing at the stars at night.”

“That’s what Iwant to be doing!” shouted my grandpa.

“You know, what you just said makes me think your sister reminds me of my sister-in-law Mabel,” said Uncle Rich to Alpin. “I adore Mabel. And I adore this woman too! Where did you find this delicate girl, Alpin?”

“Like I said, she’s my sister. That’s her only defect.”

“Ask her if she’ll have you,” the twins prompted Uncle Rich.

“On bended knee,” instructed Sweetquill. And Treadfaster nodded.

“Somebody put something clean on the ground so I can do that,” said Uncle Rich. “It wouldn’t do to marry such a dainty girl with dirt and mashed grass on a mucked up knee, would it?”

“I like him,” said Branna to the ladies who surrounded her. “I always thought he was cute. Funny. But I’m scared.”

“You’re scared of me?” said Uncle Rich, very surprised. “Nobody is scared of me. Nobody takes me seriously.”

“I’m scared of not pleasing you.”

Uncle Rich broke into laughter and so did everyone else.

Aunt Cybela found Branna a wedding dress. It seems she always has some replacements at hand to avoid problems. Uncle Rich said he would buy Branna new jewels because he wanted Mathilde to keep the ones he had bought for her. For Mathilde he had bought mostly sapphires, because her eyes were blue-gray, but he insisted on emeralds and peridots for Branna. Grandma said there was no time to go buy anything, so she gave Branna a set of emeralds of her own. And I…I handed Branna the beautiful bouquet Mathilde had dropped at my feet and that I had been carrying around all this while. And I wished her luck.

And Branna got to marry Richearth with the fanciest wedding ever seen. And she kept crying throughout it, nervous and sentimental, and Uncle Richearth laughed and laughed and said he would buy her rubies too, to wear on her red-eyed  days. And she said she hoped all her tears would be of joy, like these ones.

And, sipping Uncle Rich’s best sparkly after having made a toast to the groom, Alpin toasted himself. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “Don’t I have a stupendous brother-in-law? I wanted this connection, Arley. This is the sort of relative I need. You see how you did well to shut up all this while? Now everyone is happier for it. This should teach you to trust me.”

“When did you come up with this idea, Alpin?” I asked.

“Rich gave me the idea himself,” said Alpin. “One wedding brings another. Remember how he said, when we rode on Finisterre’s wedding bus, that the youngest child needs to be spoiled and how your grumpy grandpa said it was the weakest child that had to be spoiled and protected? I´m the youngest, but Branna is the weakest  in my family. So I’ve found her someone who will spoil her. And me. Because if they don’t, my fairy godmothering will go sour on the happy couple.”

“We're going to have to hire this boy,” I heard Aunt Cybela murmur to the twins.