227. The Mnemosinite Advises Antidotos

227. The Mnemosinite Advises Antidotos

“Arley! Are you okay?” shouted my uncle Gentlerain.

“I’m alive! But I’m in the wardrobe! Help!” I shouted back.

Uncle Evenfall told me to move away from the side where the lock was, because Uncle Brightfire was going to melt it.

“Fly upwards!” Uncle Even cried.

“Where is that scoundrel?” Uncle Wildgale asked me as soon as the door of the wardrobe was open.

“This was an accident,” I explained, before I could fly out of the wardrobe and crossing my fingers behind my back. “Don’t go after Botolph, he’s left forever. And he didn’t lock me in here. I bumped against the wardrobe when I was leaving and it sucked me in.” Once I started lying, it got easier and esasier.

 “Look at the wardrobe!” exclaimed Uncle Richearth. “Well, what can be expected of the wardrobe of a cracked nut?”

“Do you need a tranquilizer?” Henbedestyr asked me. He had come to my rescue too.

I shook my head.

“But thanks.”

“How is it that this piece of turd has left?” asked Uncle Brightfire. “Gone where to, Arley?”

“I will tell you if you all promise not to go after him. He will never return. I can guarantee that. He’s sworn he never would.”

“You persuaded him to leave?” Uncle Gen asked me.

“First promise you won’t try to find him.”

My uncles promised not to go after Botolph if it were true that he had no intention of returning.

“We spent a while speaking about Serpent Island,” I said.

“Queimada Grande,” nodded Uncle Gen. “In Brazil.”

“A horrible, horrible, most horrible place,” said Uncle Even, shuddering. It was the first time in years I had seen him without his armchair.

“Right. I told him he would live a richer, fuller life there, that he was wasting his time and his talent here.”

“Awesome!” guffawed Uncle Wild. “That easy. The gnome believed what Arley said and he left.”

“It’s only natural,” said Uncle Rich. “He was a bean-buying fool.”

“You must have sold him Queimada very neatly. How did you get him to listen to you?” asked Uncle Gen.

“First I had to tell him I had nothing to do with you all. I said I was Titania’s son and that she remembered him fondly. I told him she said he used to set little flower vases with tea roses and daisies on the table there is in the green pavillion when she and her friends had teaparties with their dollies.”

“I always told you he was a simpleton,” said Uncle Rich. “Very puerile. But you all insisted he was very wicked and very clever!”

“He said no one had ever spoken kindly of him before. Or to him.”

“Well, I always did,” said Uncle Rich. “But since he was a dummy he couldn’t tell.”

“You are the dummy who still can’t tell that he hated the sound of your voice,” said Uncle Wild, “no matter how sweet your tune. He wanted you dead!”

“This is unbelievable,” said Uncle Gen. “Teacups and dolls! But it is true that I never spoke directly with him. Only with Papa.”

“I told you you should have gone and threatened him so he would leave,” said Uncle Fi.

“Well, whatever. It looks like he’s gone and for good. Let’s all get ourselves out of here too,” said Uncle Even.

“How come you are all here, uncles?” I asked, to make it look as if I didn’t know.

“I searched for you in my crystal ball becasue Even and I wanted to accuse Botolph of having frightened all the fauna out of our garden. Your grandma gave me that idea when she said she didn’t want to be the Frog Queen. Remember, Arley? I told her there were no animals left here. Your uncle Even says he gathered the first animals poisoned here so he could cure them and asked them to warn the rest off the premises. We wanted you to testify as an impartial witness that there are no animals living here.”

“Ah. Well, that won’t be necessary now.”

“I saw you were locked inside the wardrobe and I thought the gnome had overstepped himself and kidnapped you. That would have drawn the line. Even and I called the rest and here we are.”

 “I thank you all for coming to the rescue. I felt I would never get out of there.”

“The case is I had the sensation something was going wrong. Well, in truth, things have gone right. But I felt something odd was happening. Earlier tonight, when I started to sleet, Papa appeared on the rooftop of his house. And he began to walk back and forth there, regally,  with an open umbrella resting elegantly on his shoulder. That was odd because he rarely lets himself be seen at night. Since Epon’s trumpet was sounding, I guessed it was his way of stating he didn’t give a hoot about the noise because he now had earplugs.”

“That he swiped from me!” cried Henny. “Have I ever told you how I was tempted to poison Botolph myself the other day? If it weren’t for the apothecary’s oath, I just might have.”

“Hush, Henny. You wouldn’t do that. Come, let’s all leave. If what our nephew says is true, Botolph has hit the road and won’t come back no more,” said Uncle Even. “It makes sense. If I were him, I would be happier living in Snake Island myself. Although there he will only be one more serpent. Nothing to do with the notoriety he had here. I’ll take you home, Arley, you are probably still in shock.”

“A bit,” I said.

We left the cottage and I saw there were three ambulances parked outside and two helicopters too, all with the logo of the PSP. Epon was sitting on a bench in the garden. He didn’t look happy. They had taken his trumpet from him and wrapped a blanket round his back and shoulders. And the dragon Taffy was drying his hair, wet from sleet and rain and dew, with a towel.

Uncle Even insisted on taking me home in an ambulance. He said we had to justify the fuss that Uncle Gen had raised. And it would be nice of us to make the hysterical siblings of the PHP look as if they were good for something. I even had to lie down on the stretcher. The whole works.

Grandpa wa right. I got home at dawn and slept for the whole day and the night and when I woke up in the morning of the day after the following day, I had become the man of the moment. All the world, and specially the wicked tongues, said my uncles were next to stupid, because they had spent centuries trying to do what I had done in half an hour. They also said my grandfather was definitely made of stone for never having solved this problem himself. And I was suddenly good and wise. They didn’t know this, but good and wise or not, I was horrified because of the attention I was getting.  All the senior citizens were delighted with me and gave me all sorts of  touching little gifts. Mothers made their kids kiss me for making the world a safer place. I couldn’t have been more embarassed. But that only made me look modest. The thrilled people of the press -we never have much news here, it is always about the mortals closing in on us- wanted to interview me and waited for me to come out of the palace and be accosted. I couldn’t go anywhere without someone crying “Look! The boy who booted the poisoner! Poor thing! He even got locked up in a closet!” Grandma said she couldn’t be more proud and wanted to take me everywhere with her. And Grandpa…Grandpa would wink at me whenever there was no one watching. And he would say to my uncles, “You see? Speaking properly to people is all it takes.”

“But dat don’t work with you, do it, Daddy-o?” Uncle Fi would retort. “Gen always spoke nicely to you, but you never budged, buddy.” Mercifully, he would add, “Don’t you worry, Arley. We're not going to hate you for this. By the way, my wife, Pearl, Granny Milksops’ favorite granddaughter, wants you to have dinner with us and our kids one of these days.” 

Mum and my uncles asked me how it had occurred to me to go speak with the gnome, and I would answer I had thought it might be convenient. Only Dad took me aside and asked me cautiously if my grandfather had asked me to do this. “Dad, I thought it could be convenient,” I said to him too. “Leave Grandpa out of this.”

“Yes, maybe I had better,” whispered Dad. “Because Aeternus is one tough nut to crack. He looks meaner than ever himself, but he likes that, and he’s made all his sons look ridiculous.”

In brief, I was desperate. And then it was Saturday, and I went to work at Gen and Mabel’s, chased there by the press. Gen wasn’t home when I got there, but Mabel surprised me by being of enormous help to me.

“Follow me, Arley,” she said as soon as I arrived. “There’s something I want to show you.”

And we trailed down a very long corridor that took us to the opposite end of the house. And then she opened the spyhole in a door on the wall and said, “Look out there, Arley. That’s where my father lives.”

I peered outside and saw nothing but grass and sand and rocks and the sea.

“Your father lives in the sea?”

“In an invisible ship that sails the sky as easily as the sea. At night he lands out there. And sometimes he comes to have dinner with us or just me. He is our Eye, Arley. The All Seeing Seer. He knows more than the sun and the moon. He visits the four outlooks of Apple Island daily and he gathers and records in his mind everything that has happened in the fay and mortal worlds in each of the four directions. He is the historian that remembers all. The prophet that predicts all. He sees and he tells Aeternus what he sees. Or he doesn’t tell. He sees more than Aeternus, because Aeternus does other things aside from looking out. Aeternus only looks into a matter when it is of interest to him. But my father is like a sponge, he absorbs everything that is going on. When Aeternus has missed something of importance, my father tells him about it. Or not. But he tells me all that worries him. He can’t trust anyone else. And he, Belvedere the Mnemosinite, has just said to me, “Mabel, tell that kid to take a vacation.”

“Go on a holiday? Me?”

“He says you don’t like to receive this much attention. You are reserved, like he and I are. He says you should take a couple of weeks off and not tell anyone where you are going and when you get back, the worse will be over. Of course you will always be the Poison Shooer, you’ve earned that byname, Arley Antidotos. But you won’t be pestered much when you are no longer fresh news.”

“I can’t go on a holiday. I’m working. And Alpin is acting up dreadfully. He says I owe him days for having slept to recover from all that has happened.”

“Take him with you. Go see your other grandfather, up north. AEternus won’t mind. He is sure to understand. He owes you this.”

“Can I ask you something? If your father sees everything, he must know why Botolph really left. Isn’t that so?”

Mabel nodded.

“Your grandfather bought him a farm in Brazil. But what you are really asking me is if I know about the many moons in the garden pact they made. Isn’t it?”

“I didn’t quite dare to ask.”

“We know all about the trap AEternus fell into. A bunch of nonsense, all of it. But pride is pride. And the strong have to look strong. Don’t be angry with him for not having told you about all this. He can’t, he’s made himself forget this event too. He couldn’t bear to think of it. He only remembers enough to know he had to keep Botolph in the garden and now away from here. And this is another of the reasons why my father never speaks with anyone. He has to be discreet. And so must you. Please don’t you tell Gen about all this when he comes in. He’s back, I hear him out there offering the press coffee, tea and sandwiches in the great hall. It’s so cold out there. Never ever tell him about the trap and the pact and the rock, the paper and the scissors. Should he learn I have been keeping this from him all these centuries, he might divorce me. At least for three or four days. His tantrums never last longer. I’ve been telling him to forget the gnome, that his father would get rid of Botolph in his own good time, but he wouldn’t listen. “A danger!” he kept repeating. Of course, he was right. It was a danger, but AEternus believed he was controlling the situation. You have no idea how glad I am this is practically over. Now Gen won't get up in the dark to go wash the poison off that garden.”

Mabel was right. Gen had arrived. I perked my ears sharp to hear him. He was telling the people of the press that yes, two helicopters turned out to be too much. But that the concerned senior members of the PSP felt that if Botolph hadn’t left voluntarily, there could have been casualties. It was always better to prevent than to cure, he was saying, better an excess than a shortage. And, courtesy of the endearing Primrose Seed Planters, he gave out cashmere scarves so the people of the press wouldn't catch a cold.  

And suddenly I burst into tears.

“A vacation!” nodded Aunt Mabel, hugging me tightly, with tears of sympathy in her own eyes too. 

Before I left the island, I solved the problem of Epon. Grandpa AEternus asked me what should be done with his garden. He said I had won the right to decide that. I told him I thought it would be best to let his grandkids and great-grandkids play in it at least a couple of times a week, if he could put up with the noise. He said he could, because he meant to be forever at the golf course. I thought the kids in the garden would make Grandma Divina happy. And also to give family parties and such there on special occasions. I asked Grandpa not to fire Epon. He could go on being guardian of the park without upsetting others now that it wasn’t likely anyone would invade it at night. He would have no cause to blow his horn.  Grandpa said Uncle Fi could modulate the sound of the trumpet, and so Epon wouldn’t be bored, he could play the blasted trumpet thrice every evening, when the sun set. To say goodbye to the sun, to welcome the moon and to tell the kids that played there it was time to go have dinner. But I would have to learn how to play golf when I got back from wherever I was going.