287. The Ninth Moonly Letter

287.  The Ninth Moonly Letter, parts the first and the second, where in the first part a quarrel among three of Heather’s four grandparents is recorded and in the second Beau’s simple but also convoluted solution to the problem of the Atshebies’ Name Day Party is revealed. This letter will be written by Heather during the misty silver moon.

Part the first:

Dear Arley,

“The good news is that he loves you,” said the Leafies, when they asked me if I had seen anything after having sipped water from Peek Creek and I asnwered that I had seen…no, been, Beau.

“If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t have allowed that. He would have blocked you. He probably wouldn't even have had to do that, because there is usually no connection when there is no love. No, no connection between the thoughts of two people. Love has to be mutual for the water to work.”

“But I had a horrid headache just before I stopped perceiveing…”

“No, no!  That happened because you aren´t used to spying… no, to observing your lover. It doesn’t mean he blocked you. The more you practice, the better you will get at this, for ´tis like any other skill. But we must warn you. Don’t go about telling people you have this ability. And don’t tell anyone what you learn spying. Not even us. We´ve only asked just now to see if the water was doing its job. From now on, you will always be able to read Leonado’s mind and he yours. You don´t need more water. So don´t you be silly and sit forever by the creek and let grass and snow cover you while you think of nothing but your  true love like foolish people do. That’s not convenient.”

“Understood,” I said.

And after thanking the Leafies for having helped me I went home to rest. And after resting a while I got up and prepared the lemon meringue pie that was to be Little Mauel’s eighth moonly birthday cake. And I gave it to him and he was so pleased, and then I sat down to write this letter, and then Beau appeared and said I wasn´t to scold him because of what I had seen for he wasn´t angry with me for spying on him either. Eventually I would understand why he had done what he had done. And I realized that we weren´t speaking, we were thinking, and listening to our minds. And that was good, because though in this island it is not legal to spy on people in their homes, it isn’t impossible. And of course Beau didn’t want anyone to know what he had been doing, or  that I could know his mind. Discretion was necessary because we had to protect the Atshebies. And also, because of the quantity of martial support we had garnered, something unpleasant could occur. So we decided to go for a stroll, and forget our problems for a while.

But as we were strolling round the neighbourhood, we ran into Pedubastis and the Atshebies. The kids were changing from cats to kids. And they wer very happy to see Tawny. And they get very excited when they see him for they know he is working on their party. But before they could flood him with questions about it, Grandma Divina appeared, standing before a dove tree grove with a brown paper bag in her hands.

Grandma smiled at us and greeted Pedubastis.

“Where are you going, darlings?” she asked her great grandkids.

The kids all began to shout that they were going to Minced Forest, to play in their dollhouse, that had once been their mother’s home.

“No, I don’t think so,” said Divina. And she opened the paper bag and drew out the dollhouse, shrunken to fit in the bag, of course.

The children began to protest and their great gran said, “Be quiet! And tell me where I should put this. What do you say, Pedubastis? These children cannot leave Apple Island. They won´t be safe outside. From now on, it is forbidden for  them to leave the island.”

The children protested even louder, yelling and jumping and trying to take the dollhouse from their great gran.

“Freeze!” shouted  Divina, and the Atshebies froze. They looked like strange little painted  statues, half cats and half kids, for they had interrupted their change from one state to another.

“Mrs. Virbonus,” said Pedubastis, “these children don´t walk alone yet. I am always with them. They are learning to defend themselves. The forest is a good place to learn.”

“I don’t doubt that. But precisely because it is, they will have to learn to survive away from it. Yes, right here. And I will place this house in a park if Atty doesn’t want it on his grounds. Better  yet, I will place it right in the middle of my husband’s golf club.”

“No way!” shouted Grandpa AEternus appearing among us. “I don’t even want it in Botoplph’s garden! That is, in the garden of our house. These kids bite and scratch. They are wilder even than the kids that harass Epon.”

“I am going to place this house in the very middle of your golf course and you aren’t going to dare to move it an inch, AEternus. And you will deserve this because it will remind you that you haven’t done a thing to see to it that these poor creatures have a Name Day Party just like everone else has. Anyone can have one and the grandkids of the great AEternus can´t.”

“He´s already done something about that, dear godmother,” said Beau rapidly. “Heather and I are preparing a party, but hush! We don’t want to be overheard. Just leave this in our hands. And if Atty won’t have the house, we’ll find a good spot for it here in the island.”

“It would fit in my garden,” I said. “It’s the sort of thing I have there. My style is quite eclectic. If Atty doesn’t want it, or the Atshebies want to play somewhere away from the grounds of their parents’ home, they can come to mine.”

“Unsuspecting girl,” AEternus said to me, “these little monsters will scratch your trees and uproot your flowers. They may also attack your  birds and butter flies.”

“Don’t be silly, AEternus,” scolded Grandma. “They are only children. Here, Beau, take this house to Heather’s place. And you, AEternus, allow these kids to spend a while with you. Take them to Rhabarbarum’s bar and have him prepare tots’ tea for them. They are your great grandkids. Do something nice for them!”

 And Divina snapped her fingers and the kids unfroze and shouted that they didn’t eat birds or butterflies.

“Me neither,”said their great gran.

“What do you eat, Gigi?” the children asked her, for that was what they called her.

“The only thing your Gigi eats is tutti frutti ice cream,” said AEternus accusingly.

“What is that?” asked the children.

“An old flavour of ice cream,” responded AEternus.

“Why does she eat old ice cream?”

“Because she is old. If you come to have tea at the golf club you will only get antiquated, old food. So I suggest you don’t bother to come.”

“Fat lie! I don’t just eat tutti frutti ice cream,” protested Divina.

“Oh, yes! Yes you do! You eat that because you are old and because you were a spoilt child that only ate tutti frutti ice cream and now you are a capricious and infantile old woman that still eats that. You eat that when you eat by yourself and when you eat with just me. Which is why I know. I bear witness,” insisted AEternus.

“Eating with you is the same thing as eating by one’s self,” replied Grandma. “You’re no company, old grouch.”

 “We want to eat tutti frutti ice cream too!” hollered the Kittykids. “We want to eat old grouch food!”

“There’s a lot of that at your great grandpa’s club. We´re going to invade the joint and eat your great grandpa out of house, home and club. We´re going to sack Rhabarbarum’s bar and attack the green and uproot all the grass. And that is how you will get your party, because this is the only way to deal with selfish people who don’t give!”

“Hooray!” shouted the Kittykids. And between cheers they would ask, “Who is Ruebarbara? Who is she?”

 And AEternus glowered at Grandma, but said nothing.

And Neferhari, who is very brave, dared to ask, “Will you be very angry with us if we wreck your gold club, Great Grandpa?”

“If you destroy my club, you will gain by it a disastrous reputation. They will say you are vandals, that your parents are no good at bringing you up and that your family is plain smelly trash. You want that said of you?”

“Ohhhh…,” said Neferhari, his little jaw dropping, so impressed was he by Grandpa’s warning.

“Don’t be ridiculous, AEternus. It will take Vertumnus less than ten seconds to leave your green as green as it was before.”

“But word will get around. And the evil tongues will wag,” insisted Grandpa, his blue eyes giving off a weird, green glow when he said the word evil.

“Ohhhh!” exclaimed the Atshebies, fascinated by the greenish glow. “What are the evil tongues? Are they very evil?”

“Yes!” said AEternus, briefly but solidly.

“Listen, children,” said Divina, “the evil tongues are only something no sensible person pays the least attention to. Just that.”

But the Atshebies didn’t know which of their great grandparents to believe. The existence of evil beings is not easy to take lightly.

And while Divina and AEternus glared at each other, Beau and I exchanged a look, asking ourselves if we would be like them one day. But we shook our heads because we knew we wouldn’t. And we tried to slip away from that confrontation unnnoticed. But we had barely given a step or  two when Grandma shouted at Beau, “Beaurenard! Go fetch my effective sister! Tell her she has to organize a Name Day Party for these children. She is their great gran too!”

Before Beau could repeat that he and I were already working on that, Madam Lady Celestial appeared bursting out of one of the flowers on a dove tree. She smacked some pollen off her nose and AEternus immediately turned his back on her so as not to see her.

 “Ultimatum!” she yelled at Beau. “You have seven days to do your job your way and name a day for  this party to be held or I will take matters into my own hands, pretty boy.”

“I’ve already set a date, for it, Grand Lady Celestial,” said Beau. “And the party will be in seven days, precisely.”

“And why haven’t I been invited?”

“Because I will be sending the invitations tomorrow!”

“Tomorrow, tomorrow!” scoffed Lady Celestial. “Where are the invitations? I’ll send them myself right now.”

“You know I never fail, Great Lady. Do go home and just think what gifts you will give your great grandchildren. They are six, and that’s plenty to consider.”

“What you have just said had better be true, laddie,” Madam Grandma Lady Celestial threatened Beau wagging her magic wand at him. And then she turned to Divina and AEternus and said, “We’ll see our faces in seven days! To the minute!”

And she vanished. And Divina and AEternus went off to have tutti frutti ice cream at the golf club with the kids and Pedubastis, Grandpa being now too busy vituperating against Celestial and her having invaded his space to bother to rid himself of the children´s company.

And Beau and I were left standing there near the dove tree grove with Cathsehba’s house waiting at our feet to be transported to my garden.

“Anywhere but near Peek Creek,” I whispered to Beau.

“I don’t want it next to the Prime Minister’s grave or whatever that urn thing is,” he said. “The kids might crack the glass and cut themselves, or  their noise might wake that man and he might get up suddenly and frighten them.” And looking about the grounds for the right spot, he suggested, “Among the oleanders? Will it fit there when it is its real size again?”

“That is the perfect place for it,” I said, and he put it there and we saw that this was indeed the right spot and then we began to think about the Atshebies’ party.

“Seven days is very little time,” I said.

“I know. I have no time to spare.”

“And how can I be of help? Should I ask Henny Parry to check his store of bandages and disinfectants? Because there will be knocks, won’t there? I could organize an emergency unit. I’ve done that before, like during the Battle of the Pipnoshers.”

Beau shook his head. And he thought that he had already spoken to Henny.

And I thought, “You will block the entrance, no? Just one entrance and an impenetrable shield all over the party grounds," I thought.

“The entrance will be a tunnel the size of a mole hole,” thought Beau to me. “A pinch uncomfortable, but we’ll have to shrink and unshrink when we´ve passed the security guards.”

“Your  bulletproof men will be waiting at the other end of the tunnel with Uncle Fi’s shotguns and scythes? They don’t know how to use magic wands, do they?”

“The truth is I hope there will be no need to employ sticks or stones or any weapons. But there will be surveillance.”

And then, thinking he asked me if I could organize the party itself just like I would any normal party. Everything except the invitations and the security. He would take care of that.

And I will continue this letter in eight days, because by then the party will have been over and I will be able to tell you how it went.

Part the Second:

Once again, Dear Arley,

If, my dear brother, you are expecting a story of winds blowing fierce war, fortunately I have nothing of the kind to offer. Hard work instead of violence is what I will sing. Patience and persistence. Beau reasoned that there would be no way of controlling jokers and avengers if AEternus didn’t intervene. Because even if we managed to celebrate in peace, there would be an aftermath. People might wait till after the party to attack the children whenever  they could and wherever that might be, for we would have attracted too much attention. So either AEternus intervened or a contemporary power had to be appealed to. And that power…

“I bought the army to mislead Apolinaris and everyone else. You see, what I really needed wasn’t soldiers. It was the comission or compensation Apolinaris would give me for having brought such good business to him. I didn’t want anyone to pay any attention to what I would ask him for for myself.”

“And what was that?”

I had no idea. When Beau was about to choose a gift from Apolinaris, my head had started to ache and I had stopped spying on him.

“One of the carrousel horses. Only that.”

“But why? I hired a carrousel for the party. But what can be done with just one horse?”

“First allow me to return to you something that is yours and when I have, I will tell you everything,” thought Beau. And he gave me three hundred and seven garnets. “This is your half plus the extra one. We’re not splitting that one. These are from the pomegranate AEternus gave us.” And then Beau gave me another two hundred and ninety seven garnets, thinking, “This is what is left of my half after having solved our problem. I want you to have all these stones. You can make for yourself a better necklace than Betabel’s, if you care to compete with her. After all, no garnets can equal those from AEternus primordial pomegranate tree.”  

“But you paid Apolinaris with these stones. Have you returned the soldiers to him?”

“No, no. Not even I would dare to ask that fiend for a refund. Listen, I paid for the soldiers with garnets from a fruit from the ancestral tree. That much is true. But I didn’t pay with garnets from the pomegranate AEternus gave us. Not even with a pomegranate plucked by me. I am allowed to visit AEternus’s orchards. And to take what I want from them. Of course, I am prudent and only take what I really need. And there is this universal rule about fruit, Heathie. It recommends us never to eat fruit that has fallen from the tree and touched the ground. Only fruit one plucks one’s self. Well, the garnets I paid Apolinaris with were from a pomegranate I found lying on the ground near the great tree. Apolinaris will never know this, but though his garnets are magnificent, theu aren’t as wonderful as those from the fruit AEternus plucked for us.”

“And where exactly is the difference?”

“There are many differences. But the main one is that the fruit you pluck from that tree gives life, while fallen fruit gives sleep. I didn’t cheat Apolinaris. I said the garnets were from the famous tree and they are. Even such fallen fruit has more properties than any pomegranate from Ascalaphus’ orchard at Hades.”

“What did you do with the nine seeds that are missing?”

“I placed them within the carrousel horse Apolinaris gave me.”

“And why?”

“Because when I did that, I gave the wooden horse nine good hearts. And now he is nine times faster, stronger and kínder than any other horse in Fayland.”

“I understand that the seeds made the horse special. But why did he have to be so?”

“Ah, the answer to that question also answers the one that asks how the Atshebies got their safe party. AEternus wasn’t going to cooperate. He had done all he was willing to do when he gave us the pomegranate. So I had to turn to a contemporary power.”

“Apolinaris? Not Tansy!”

“No, no. I would never attract the attention of those two to the Atshebies.”

“But you yourself…”

I recalled how Apolinaris had looked at Beau when he said anything that belonged to AEternus interested him.

“I work for AEternus, but he doesn’t own me,” said Beau, “though I doubt the devils would know the difference. If they could manage to captivate me and make me their slave, I would only be one more thing they had stolen from AEternus. But I am not the grand prize. That is Demetrius. Yes, your Uncle Richearth. But forget Richie. He has nothing to do with this.”

Darcy, Arley. It was Darcy who had to do with this. Beau bribed him with the nine-hearted horse. The moment Darcy saw it, he  wanted it so badly for his collection that he ordered each and every member of the Jocose Gang to never be able to realize the Atshebies existed. If they already knew the Kittykids did, they were to forget. And never remember or learn anew. He also asked them never to remember the conversation they had had with him, though they had to keep their word. Darcy also spoke with the vengeful people who hated Jocosa and asked them never to harm her grandchildren. And to make security tighter, he spoke to everyone who was invited to the party and asked them what gifts they would give the kids and made them promise to give them nothing but what they had said they would. It was a Chinese job, speaking to all those people was. Like I said, a story of patience and perseverance.

“It took us every second of our seven days to speak with all those people. The first person we spoke with was Jocosa. She confirmed all of the names on the Preventers’ list, identified every member of her gang  and told us of a few more people who might want to harm her grandkids. Well, it’s over now. You and Thistle did a great job organizing that party, like all the guests said. And now Darcy has his horse and the children their gifts. And I am bushed and will have to hit the sack.”

Beau slept for seven days, tossing and turning and even snoring sometimes, but never once waking. On the seventh day I was about to bite my nails, for it didn’t look like he would ever wake again, but he did, to my great relief.

“And what has become of the soldiers?” I asked him.

“What has become of them? I stashed them in the basement of the colossal spread my gran has up n the mountains. And she will make me get them out of there as soon as she gets wind of this.”

“What would happen if we gave them a heart? Like the horse, but just one each?”

“I suppose they would be better judges and know when to fight and when not to,” said Beau. “Soldiers created by a devil but gifted with a good heart.”

“Then I would rather they have a heart than I a necklace. But we haven’t got seeds for all of them. And they can’t share, for half-hearted soldiers won’t do.”

Beau smiled. He thought he would pluck two pomegranates from the grand old tree himself, because we deserved a prize for having helped Grandpa’s great grandkids. And once he had doctored the soldiers and given them a heart, he would cede the army to the Siblinghood of Preventers for having been of help to us. And I could have my necklace too, though minus the nine seeds in Eudaimon’s heart. Eudaimon is the name of the carrousel horse. And minus another four  stones that I chose to give Beau’s wooden lackeys, so they would have hearts too.

To my surprise, Arley, the Atshebies must have been much impressed by the old-fashioned food they had at Rhubarb’s bar, because when I asked them what sort of cake they wanted to have for their party, expecting to have to make six different kinds of cupcakes, they all yelled in one voice, “Pineapple Upsidedown Cake!” I think they believe this cake to be truly elegant. Very grown up. So, to practice, I made a regular  pineapple cake for Little Mauel’s ninth moonly birthday, and he was pleased because it turned out right, and then I made a gigantic version for the Kittykids’ party. And so we had a feast for kids with classic food for oldies. Rhabarbarum did the catering.

I am sending you the recipe Rhubarb gave me for children’s piña colada, because that is what the Kittykids chose to drink with their cake. No rum in this one, of course. Put a cup and a half of frozen pineapple chunks and ¼ th cup of ice in a blender and add ¾ cup of unsweetened pineapple juice and another ¾ cup of coconut milk. Also add two tablespoons of brown sugar. And you can add a scoop of coconut ice cream if you like. Blend all this till smooth. Serve in pre-cooled glasses and decorate with maraschino cherries.

Love, love, love from Heather.