“No,” said Uncle Gentlerain to the Immortal Barber
Athanasius, “we are not stepping into your backroom. There is no need for that.
The barbershop is empty. You have no clients here at this moment. There is no
one but you and us. And as for what I might see in your backroom, you will be
better off if I don’t see that.”
“You have no jurisdiction here,” smiled Athanasius
malevolently, “Prince of the Reappeared.”
“I don’t have jurisdiction anywhere. But, like you, I have
power. And also like you, I use it as I please. The difference is it pleases me
not to harm people, whereas you charge to do that. Answer my questions, Athanasius,
and we’re out of here. I’ve told you I don’t want to know what you are about
just now.”
“But I am sure you do know. They say you spy on everybody.”
“Be that as it may, today is not the day I will shut the
Cabinet of the Dark Horse. So blab, will you?”
Athanasius’ barbershop was absolutely not much to look at.
Four chairs, two of them plain everyday chairs and not that of a barber, the
other two, yes, being so. Two mirrors, a sink, and little else. Drops of blood in the
sink. It needed cleaning. The beauty parlour my grandparents went to was
something totally else, so spectacular. I must admit I was curious about the
backroom, which was bound to be more interesting to study, but I felt my uncle
must have his reasons for not wanting us to step in there.
“Whether you step in the backroom or not doesn’t change the
fact that this is like an apppointment. I charge for my services, even for
consultations, querent.”
“You are well served yourself with my not folding your
business up. Let’s get this over with.”
“At least give me a rain check. Owe me a fairy favor.”
“No way I am giving you anything, Athanasi. You might do
something awful with it. Understand that.”
“Look, I have no idea how cocoon curses work. I should and
wish I did, but I don’t. However, my time is valuable, and I’ve given you an
answer you’ve asked me for. It might not be useful to you, but I deserve
something in exchange for my time. And there’s the second question. That I can
answer. Will you at least give me tickets for the Rollicking Rampant Reindeer Race? It’s the
least you can do.”
“Why would you want to be there?”
“When I’m not up to my business, I enjoy some innocent fun
just like anyone else. I like to take my wife out once in a while.”
“What you want is to use the tickets to make trouble for
someone who will assist. I’m not giving you anything, Athanasi. Speak out or what
there will be next is threats. My brothers have short fuses. And they are
getting impatient. And you say your time is valuable, so you haven’t got all
day either.”
“Tell your rich brother to give me a little token then. So
I won’t feel humilliated and cheated.”
“How about two cases of champagne? Christmas is near,”
offered generous Uncle Richearth. “Just like two months away.”
“I’ll take that,” said Athanasius. “The person you are
looking for is Magatola Patola. She owed me a favor and was going to coalpea
Fancy Feverfew’s coke for Malina Badlight.”
“And for you, felon. We’re out of here,” said Gentlerain.
And the next thing we knew we were standing in front of a
charming little cottage, prettily surrounded by a very lovingly-tended orchard.
Tomatoes, cucumbers, eggplants, cabbages and carrots and, of course, pumpkins,
including the pointy kind called patolas and more veggies all growing at the
same magical time.
“What did you give that criminal anything for? We had him
cowed, us three,” Gentlerain scolded Richie. “Now he’ll use the champagne to
poison people. And people will say it was your champagne that did that.”
“I said I would give him champagne. What I produce is cava.
Dom Perignon should be enough for that ruffian.”
“Not good, but better,” said Gentie.
“No. My product is much better.”
“I meant the deal you made. Better than I thought.”
“Now I suppose we are standing before the home of this
Magatola the Maga person,” said Brightfire. “Cute place. Never thought she
would live somewhere this neat and tidy. She’s usually rather messy herself, with
earth all over her apron and under her nails.”
“I hope that is where we are. That was the idea,” said
Gentlerain.
Magatola was at home. She was a little old lady, so little
we hadn’t spotted her among the green and violet globe artichoke plants. And she
was chatter friendly.
“I’m here,” she said. And Gentie helped her get up from a garden pad she was kneeling on.
“Why have you left your island to stand on the outer side
of my fence staring at my garden, Goodfellow boys?”
“We-” began Uncle Gentlerain, but she cut him off.
“Is it my much envied idol, Richearth, is in need of
children? I thought that was all over now? You know, I used to dream he would
come to me for help. But he never did.”
“You grow children?” said Richie. “I had no idea. Of course
I would have come had I known. I was pretty desperate, but now I have half a
dozen toddlers. Really cute ones too.”
“I don’t exactly grow babies. I think I tempt them to
appear among my radishes. Children are the toughest of all crops to grow. In my
long life, I’ve never managed to harvest more than seven. Still, I’ve a
reputation for it. That’s because it is so difficult to lure them. Fifty years
can go by without a single child materializing in this orchard. I’ve never kept
any. All gone to good parents. I make sure of that.”
“I know you do,” said Gentlerain, “but we’re not here
because of that.”
And he asked her about the coal pea affair.
“Ah, that! I’m an irascible person, you know. I get into a
lot of quarrels with my neighbours and such. Especially about the roots of the
trees in the back of my garden. Very fine fruit trees I have there. That’s why I work so much in my orchard, to
calm down and temper my temper. So I owed Athanasius for helping me counter a
bad spell placed on my best cherry tree. It had been given a very evil eye. In
exchange for his help, he gave me a little vial with coal pea potion and said I
had to drop that into a coke a girl would be drinking at the Violet Lovers
Society February Show. He showed me the girl in a crystal ball so I would
recognize her and make no mistake. That he did. And I wasn’t too happy about
having to do what he wanted me to, even if he never told me what the potion
would do. The liar said it wouldn’t do much, just give her indigestion. She’d
pass a bad night and be fine by morning. I knew he was fibbing to get me to
cooperate, but I went, for the sake of my cherry tree that was dying a
miserable death until he told me how to cure it.”
Magatola paused a little. She cleared her throat and then her
eyes began to look as if her thoughts were wandering.
“We won’t judge you for something that happened centuries
ago. Just tell us what happened, please.”
“When I saw the girl I was to coalpea in person, I found
she looked very familiar, though I couldn’t place her. So I decided to speak to
her, though I was cautioned not to, not to allow her to notice me at all. I
broke that rule and asked her why she looked as if I knew her. And then I
realized she was once one of Eulalie Bloodstone’s little ones. `You are Granny
Eulalie’s friend. Her best friend in all the world,’ said Fancy to me. I had
done all I could to get that poor Bloodstone woman a child, but there was no
way. And that decided it. I wasn’t going
to harm one of my friend’s darlings. Why, it was I who recommended Eulalie she
turn her cheating husband and his paramour into peas instead of stabbing them multiple times openly. I took her to Athanasius
and he gave her what she needed to jinx them. So I invited Fancy, poor thing,
to a coke, but I didn’t drop the coalpea juice into her drink.”
“What did you do with it?”
“What had to be done. Chatting with Fancy I learned all
about this heartbreaker Umbrian and I went to see that spiteful creature Malina
Badlight and we went to a bar and I invited her to a Bloody Mary, more like a
dozen, and she croaked out that I was right, it was she who had ordered Fancy
be turned into a pea and thus I learned it wouldn’t be just an indigestion whoever
took the potion would have, so I turned her into the pea. She was dangerous,
young man. She wouldn’t have stopped until she’d harmed Fancy.”
“I agree. And what did you do with that pea? You ate it?
Like Granny Grimface ate her husband?”
“No! Not that. But frankly, I don’t remember what I did
with it. Lost it somewhere, maybe. It might even have fallen to the ground
right there where we were, at the bar. This was so long ago. I think I was a
little worried about losing it for a while, but then…time passed. I haven’t
thought about the pea since back then. Not till you brought the subject up.”
“Just one more question. You wouldn’t know how to lift a
cocoon curse, would you?”
“What is that?”
And then Azuline tugged at our uncle’s sleeve.
“You needn’t ask anyone that. I already know the answer.”
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