149. The Community of Friends of the Garbage Dumps

It was sunset when Alpin arrived at the mortals’ city dump. The last rays of the sun danced on the glittering garbage and Alpin felt he had reached heaven. There was no celestial music, but he was overwhelmed by smells more exquisite to him than the odor of sanctity, which is almost always of fresh cut roses. For a moment he remained rapt in the ecstasy of his olfactory sensations and when he recovered from this trance he wondered if it were still the same century that he was living in, even the same millenium for he felt he had tasted – or rather, sniffed - eternity.

Then it ocurred to Alpin that there was not only eternity but infinity too, lying right before him, for the dump was temendous and there seemed to be no end to the junk in it. Now his appetite for food returned and he began to search for the best thing to eat. First, and despite all there was to be had, he quarreled with a rat over a tantalizing half-eaten hotdog. The rat bit his right thumb, but he won the fight. And in a gesture of victory, he shook his  floating hair and the locusts flew out to feast too. Alpin, unlike his old self, ate delicately, slowly. But his locusts ravished, and that was what decided creatures more dangerous than the rat to wage war on him.

They did it with used syringes, bits of glass, thumb tacks and paper clips turned into lances. They were neither rats nor maggots, nor bugs nor doves, though some came flying on doves and winged bugs. They were a new kind of vermin, small but terrible and with the ability to speak his language.

            

“Get off our property!” they cried in voices that sounded like buzzing. “This dump is occupied! This garbage has owners! Us! You’ve invaded a Rubbishy reservation!”

“Are you...?” cried Alpin. “I can’t believe it. You’re fairy folk! What in the world of fay are you doing flittering like flies round the garbage?”

“Hey!” they cried in unison, joining their voices to be able to be heard loud and clear.

“Don’t you dare think you are better than we are! You’re scavenging through the garbage yourself. Have you come here to live? You can’t! We’re too many and we still have to receive the fairies from this year’s discarded Christmas trees. They have priority. Plus you’re too big and you eat too much! Leave! Yes, you and your pesty pets!”

Alpin called back his locusts afraid that they might be hurt. Then he sat down on a flat tyre to parley. It turned out these tiny fairies were the Community of Friends of the Garbage Dumps. They had gotten there when the plants they lived in or defended in gardens, parks and forests were cut or uprooted. Some had simply followed an autumn leaf that had been their bed when it was sucked up by a garbageman’s vacuum cleaner. Yes, they had followed their homes and businesses to the dump, and not knowing where to go from there, had made a new home for themselves in that unwholesome place.

“Haven’t you heard of Apple Island?” said Alpin. “Is it that you aren’t admitted there?”

“We are belligerent and full of hate. We want to destroy the mortals and anyone who defends them.The Apple Island fairies only want to dream of peace and plenty. You don’t look like a forest fairy. I’ll bet you are from one of those fancy houses in the island.”

“My home is not in the island. It is next to a forest that exists between our world and that of the mortals. Minced Forest is its name.”

It turned out some of the Rubbishies had relatives among the Leafies of Minced Forest. They got all carried away asking Alpin if he knew their kinsleaves, and since the world is no bigger than a hanky, it turned out he did.

“I’ve never been much interested in making friends with the little ones there, but I do have a friend who is well acquainted with them, especially a teensy, nosey, noisy one named Vincentius or Vinny, they call him.”

As he was speaking, I arrived at the dump. Awed by the smell, I hovered in the distance, having spotted the man that could be Alpin and wishing he would see me and come out of the dump to parley.

“Eh!” cried Alpin, noticing me. “What a coincidence! Look! That’s my friend I was talking about, flapping his wings there and staring at us. He can tell you more about the Leafies. I’ll bet he is searching for me. What else could he be doing here? Hey, Arls! You can’t recognize me, but yes, it’s me! Alpin! I’m under a pookish spell! Believe me, old chap, ‘tis me.

This is me now. Come here and tell these garbage dwelling fairy folk about your Leafy friends at Minced Forest.”

Once I got over the shock of seeing Alpin so transformed, I did tell the Rubbishies about the Leafies and it turned out there was a whole tribe of Malcolfus’ cousins there. Before I left the dump taking Alpin back home with me, I promised I would return with my wee friend Vinny to have a Post Christmas dinner there. The Post Christmas Season was the holiday Season at the dump, for that was when it was fullest of all kinds of trash, some of it very valuable to the Rubbishies.

Alpin had lost his sense of direction, but I took him by the arm and led him back to his parents’ home, where his poor mother swooned when she saw the adult version of him standing in her kitchen saying he would rather eat out of the trash can than sit at the beautiful table she had prepared for Christmas dinner with such loving care. 

Once Miss Aislene came to herself, it took all Mr. Ernest, Fiona, Branna and I could do to hold her down and keep her from flying off  with the largest of her kitchen knives to make mincemeat of her nephenw Garth, the Pookah.

“We don’t know where he celebrates Christmas,” said Mr. Ernest. “Or even if he does. You can’t fly out like crazy, going from door to door interrupting dinner after dinner to cause a gory incident tonight of all nights!”

 “He’s under his bridge!” shouted Mrs. Dullahan. “Where else would that ruffian be? Who would want him at their table?”

I knew he was having dinner with Michael and Fergus and the rest of the O’Tooras, but I bit my tongue and kept my mouth tight shut. It is very difficult not to give Miss Aislene what she wants, but it was in her own best interest not to have this information.

Handsome Darcy finally decided to use his gift and ask her not to go after the Pookah and serve her family Christmas dinner instead. Since no one can say no to Darcy, she did just that. Though she kept sniffling a little, all must be said.

So the Dullahans were able to have Christmas dinner in relative peace, though Alpin had to wait till they were done to eat the leftovers, because of his aversion to clean food. And I, I was finally free to go join my own family for dinner at my parents’ palace in Apple Island. As I flew there, I couldn’t help thinking how easy things were when people listened to the voice of reason. By reason, I meant voices like Darcy’s voice, but also like that of the Faun Brothers when they warned Alpin not to eat the November berries.