11. Arithmomania

The first move Alpin made to overthrow the King of the Woods was to set his mum against his majesty. The once Demon Bride is not someone in whose bad books you want to be. That she is now Mrs. Dullahan only makes matters much worse.

The evening of the day after the coronation Alpin sat in front of his dinner despondently. He was not touching it. He was sighing. This lack of appetite could not fail to attract attention. His mum was immediately all over him, wanting to know what ailed her little boy.

“He’s fine, Mum! He’ll eat up everything just as usual if you pay no attention to him,” said Branna, who suspected what this was about.

“It´s that man,” whispered Alpin looking over his shoulder as if he were afraid of being overheard. “He’s scary!”

“He’s nothing of the kind! Not if you know how to behave properly!”

Alpin shivered a little, just enough for effect.

Earlier that day Alpin had entered Minced Forest with fifty bags of marshmallows. His purpose was clear. He would attempt to roast them there. That would draw Artemius out and they would have the chance to size each other up.

“Of course Artemius ordered him out of the forest, Mum,” said Fiona. “You’re not allowed to make fires there any longer.”

“Whyever not? Little boys love to roast marshmallows. They always have. Why shouldn´t Alpin enjoy some?”

“With adult supervision. And not anymore, anyway. It´s been strictly forbidden to light fires there, since Alpin almost burnt the place down.”

“You do so love to exaggerate!” cried the Demon Bride. “Barely some branches! I’m going to have a word with that thug. He can’t treat little children the way he does.”

“The girls are counting garlic again, Mum!” tattled Alpin in revenge. He knew his mum hated how his sisters became entranced whenever they saw garlic.Like many vampires, they suffered from arithmomania. The minute they saw a garlic bulb they would stop whatever they were doing to peel it and count its cloves.Obsessively and compulsively. That’s what arithmomania is about.

“It’s a sick obsession, Mum! Make them stop!”

It was a sick obsession. The twins could spend hours on end counting garlic cloves over and over, oblivious to everything else. Which is why people use garlic to keep themselves safe from vampires.

“We’re not counting garlic!” cried Branna defensively. She was a little ashamed of her weakness. “We’re dividing the cloves into three piles.”

“I don’t know why I bring garlic into this house!” shouted Aislene.”Do I? No, it´s your father who wants me to cook with that!”

So her mum would not be upset, Branna took the opportunity to teach Alpin how to divide the way kids did in Spain. It is a little different from the way English-speaking kids are taught to divide at their schools.

“Michael taught us this. His pupil, Don Alonso, taught him.”

“If the result is the same, why is the process different? Never mind! I don’t need to know. I don’t like to divide,”said Alpin. “I want all those cloves for myself.”

And, to prove what he had said, Alpin popped all the garlic there was to be had into his mouth.After that, to get rid of the taste, he ate all his dinner as well as that of his sisters, proving he was himself again.