221. The Catcher in the Garden

 221. The Catcher in the Garden

I was worried about Epon. On the one hand I knew that people who work for Grandpa adore him and that in exchange he makes them as happy as they can be. He doesn’t really have to do much, because these people truly adore him for being who he is. In brief, they understand and appreciate each other. So I felt he would treat Epon well. But on the other hand Epon, although he is mentally disturbed and causes people grief because of his way of being, does more harm to himself than to anyone else. I mean he isn’t bad, only annoying. But what could he not turn into in the polluted garden? Would he learn the evil arts of Locusta from Botolph? Was that what he would be useful for? Would my grandfather allow this? Because I would not be able to.

The very first day I had the time for it, as soon as Alpin went home to dine and call it a night, I went to my grandfather’s house to see how Epon was doing.

“Great!” cried Epon.

I found him sitting on a bench in the garden, wrapped in a sky blue tunic. The sun was setting and lit him up with a pink and gold light that made him look like an angel instead of a fairy. Only his wings betrayed him, for they had no feathers, but were of a violetish, almost transparent silk, something usual among us.

“And…what exactly do you do here?”

“I´m the catcher. I sleep by day in the bothy and I wake up new, and I come here to watch the garden during the night. I have to catch those who try to sneak into the garden before they do. The minute I see an intruder, I give the voice of alarm. I raise a row with my megaphone horn.”

He showed me a kind of trumpet of solid gold of which he seemed to be very proud.

“That has to make an atrocious lot of noise,” I said.

“A most atrocious lot of noise indeed! Listen, up in the mountains I heard terrible sounds, like deafening thunder and the witchlike hoots of owls, you can imagine. But this is much noisier.”

“And my grandfather gave you that?”

“Oh, no! It was given me by…I can’t tell you who. I promised not to. And now I keep my promises. Because I am happy.”

“And have you already gotten to use this trumpet?”

“With the megaphone and all, full blast!”

“And the intruder was?”

“That persistent pest Gentlerain Goodfellow. He comes here at some moment of every night, flying over the place. He warns  me to find cover because it is going to rain. But I don’t listen to him. He never gets to step on the ground because I begin to blow this horn to announce that there is an intruder and Mr. Botolphus comes yelling and screaming and cussing and Gentlerain gets annoyed and he shows it starting a fearful storm, the worst I’ve seen, with bolts of lightning and roaring thunder and I don’t know why one of those bolts hasn’t hit one of us yet.”

“Because he probably doesn’t want them to,” I said. “And grandpa? What does he do?”

“He appears up there in the balcony and he says to Gentlerain, “You can leave, son. You’ve made your point.”

“And he leaves?”

“Sometimes. Others he stays for the rest of the night, flooding the place. Other times he only casts snow. But even if he only makes it snow, I blow the horn all the while he is here so he won’t dare step on the ground. My job is to make sure no one gets poisoned.”

“Thank heavens!” I said. “Then Botolph doesn’t ask you to help him poison the garden?”

“Never. He says he’s man enough do that himself, no matter how many times Gentlerain foils him.”

“And what has he given you so you won’t get poisoned yourself being out here?”

That was the prize question.

“Nothing that I know of. I must be naturally immune.”

“Look here Epon, if I ask you to do me a favour, would you? I would owe you one. An important one.”

“I can’t let you step on the grass.”

“No, no. You can see how I am hovering over it.”

“And don’t you get tired of flying without advancing?”

“Very. Would you mind if we went to the gallery so I can rest?”

“That’s the favor?”

“That’s a small favor. The other is lots more important.”

We went to the gallery. Epon remained in the garden, just outside the gallery, watching the garden. I was able to step on the gallery’s floor.

“Listen, I’m going to ask you for a favor. But first you must promise you won’t tell anyone I have, or what I have asked from you. Can you find out why the poison doesn’t affect you?”

“The person who gave me the trumpet asked me that same favor.”

“And?”

“Well, I have no idea. I wish I did, because I was promised a crown like the one on the statue of liberty but with lights that would flash in all directions, lighting up spots in the garden, rotating and all, with blinding flashes of light. And I really want that crown. But I don’t know the answer.”

“But you can get to know it. Don’t you ask. That wouldn’t do. Just observe. Sooner or later you are bound to see something interesting. Then you call me, you tell me, and you get a crown. I´ll give you one too, and something even better too.”

“What?”

“Two lions. One red, one white, enourmous ones, that will help you watch this place.”

“Scary,” said Epon, shaking his head."Predators."

“Well…a horse! So you can patrol the garden on horseback.”

That he liked.

“That I do want,” he said, clapping his hands. “What colour?”

“Any colour you want it. But you mustn’t breathe a word about this to anybody. Not even to the person who gave you the trumpet.”

At that moment Grandpa appeared. He was back from the golf course and he had probably played to his satisfaction because he looked happy. Epon saluted him effusively. I only smiled.

“What? Ready for some action tonight? We’re goint to protect the garden, eh?” Grandpa said to Epon.

“And the intruders,” said Epon.

“That’s it. Quite right.So they won't get poisoned.  You are my grandson, Arley,” he added turning to me. “I can tell you from the rest. Have you come to see how your cousin is doing? Yes. Well, now stay and have dinner with your grandfather."

I couldn’t say no. So I ended up having dinner with Grandpa AEternus.

“You’ve been of great help to Epon,” he said, when we were having dessert. Before that we had made small talk. “Would you now help your grandpa with a problem he has? This is only for your ears, between us, eh? Can you keep secrets and do something for an old man who can’t do a certain something for himself and has no one to turn to?”

Grandpa doesn’t look old. If you see him among his sons, you take him for one of them. But when he wants to provoke pity, he does start to look like an older person. Normally, fairies who are very old like to look a little older than others to inspire respect. We fairies can be any colour we choose to. In tuth we are rather transparent, but we can fill ourselves with colours. I, for instance, sometimes turn very red or green when having a fit of allergy. And when I want to acquire colour, I turn green or brown or golden, like the tree I was born under. And when among humans I usually take the same colour the humans I am with have, so as not to stand out too much. Older fairies favour white, grey or silver. My grandparents usually have platinum hair. Her eyes are the colour of milk chocolate and his are very blue.

I now saw those blue eyes of Grandpa’s swell a little, and grow bags under them. I thought that he was either trying to get me to pity him, or that he was feeling bad. One of those reasons had to answer for the change.

“I won’t tell anyone about this and if it is about something I can do, I’ll do it,” I answered. “What do you need, Grandpa?”

“Plugs.”

“For?”

“For the ears. You have no idea the trouble they are giving me, between Epon and Gentlerain. Botolph cursing, to boot. Night after night, screams, thunder, the blasting of a horn! The only solution is earplugs.”

 “Why don’t you make your bedroom soundproof?”

“Because no one would hear me if I shouted to them.”

“But you can’t want to let them hear you shout. It would be a sign that they had managed to upset you.”

“Which is why I need earplugs. So they won’t know they have.”

“I suppose the plugs you need are not just any earplugs. You could get those anywhere.”

“These would be perfectly ordinary ear plugs. But only Henbedestyr the apothercary sells them. The tough part is to get them without his knowing I have. If he knew that, he would tell your uncles. They are fast friends. Since childhood. You see, the apothecary is also against me.”

“But if I go buy them, they will also suspect I want them for you.”

“You have to get hold of them without their noticing.”

“You want me to shoplift at Henbeddestyr’s?”

“No! You would be buying the plugs. You would leave money in the cash register. You only have to buy them without anyone’s noticing.”

“But if they find there is extra money in the till, and that they are short on earplugs, they will know it is about you, Grandpa.”

“Have you ever been in the backroom of Henny’s shop? The outside, purity and light. The backroom, messier than a Persian market.”

“I can’t leave money,” I said. I couldn’t believe I was already studying how to do this. “Henny doesn’t charge anyone. He might not even have a cash register.”

“Well, leave something else in place of what you take,” said Grandpa. “Here, leave this.”

Grandpa gave me a little pouch that had a monocle in it. I put it in my pocket because I didn’t know what else to do.

“Don’t worry about leaving fingerprints, we never leave any.”

“What is this boy doing here?” shouted Grandma Divina, who at this moment appeared at the door. “Ah, it’s you, Arley. I thought you were going to stick another insane person in the garden, AEternus. I don’t know if you are aware of this, Arley,” said Grandma, turning to me, “but you can’t begin to imagine the frightful nights that are being visited on us here by the youth with the horn. Do you know who I mean?”

“Yes, he does. I was just telling him about this.”

While he spoke, Grandpa was making signs to me so I would be quiet about the earplugs.

“And why are you telling Arley about this? You’re not trying to push this child into the War of the Poisoned Garden, are you? Don’t you dare try to enlist him, Aeternus. Listen to me, Arley. Do not take sides. You be neutral, like me. You have no idea the mess you would be getting into.”