243. Candle and Son

243. Candle and Son

Two days after Candle's return, I went to Grandpa's golf course to ask when I could use the  green to teach Feeseepkee how to play this game. When I crossed the front gate, Uncle Gentlerain suddenly appeared by the fountain there is right next to the bar. 

“There you are. May I offer you some advice?” he  asked me. “Don’t teach Feeseepkee to play here. If you do, you’ll never know when to. You won’t want to coincide with AEternus, and your grandfather doesn’t have a fixed schedule, nor will he allow you to ask him for one. It would condition him, and limit his liberty and he doesn't like that. He will pop up at different and unexpected times and be most upset if he finds Feeseepkee here. It won’t be easy to keep track of when AEternus will want to play or not, unless you come at night. And even  when he is only dawdling at the bar, he won’t  stoically stand  the sight of Feeseepkee frolicking in his green. Know for sure that he will throw a fit if he notices  a single blade of grass has been uprooted or other such trivial nonsense.”

“Another golf course?” I asked.

“At my father-in-law’s,” nodded Uncle Gen. "He gets along well with everybody, including AEternus. So it’s not a trap I’m setting up for you just to spite my father . Please don’t think that.”

“I don’t, Uncle Gen. I know you wouldn’t use me to quarrel with Grandpa. But will your father-in-law have us?”

“Any time, any day. He never uses his course. The Peach Boy Five look after it for him. I have already spoken to them and they will be of help to you. I might drop by once in a while too, if I find the time for it.”

“Our uncle is a mean old man, Arley. Meaner than AEternus. Don’t listen to him,” said Candle, suddenly popping into sight and greeting Uncle Gen by giving him something called the finger. Lagging behind her was her disgruntled little friend Spikey, looking like he had few friends.  

“Ah, the pesky mannequins!” sighed Uncle Gen softly. “I thought this was over. Haven’t I made myself clear, Candle?”

“No wonder you have no kids. None would even think of coming near you so you could ask them to be your children. You are sure to be infamous among the yet unborn. But get out of my way. I’m not speaking to you.”

“What is this about?” I asked.

Candle’s angry face suddenly softened. She looked at me and batted her lashes, very golden against her lasting Hawaiian tan.

“Arley, ask Spikey to be your son.”

I took an instinctive step back.

“What? No, I don’t think so. Why would he want that, anyway? He’s a prickly kid, isn’t he? They don’t want parents.”

Spikey certainly didn’t look as if he wanted me for a dad. He seemed to be looking daggers at Uncle Gen and me, and I was frankly glad about that.

“Leave your cousin be, Candle,” said Uncle Gen. “He has more trouble than he needs to kill a Sunday.”

“Spikey doesn’t want you to be his father, Arley,” explained my little cousin. “He wants me to be his mother. But these mean old men won’t allow it because I’m two little years old, not a great big seven. You must be like an aged eleven, cousin. If you take Spikey for a son, you can delegate custody and allow me to be his mother. And we will have foiled these mean old men.”

“Let me get this right. You want me to be Spikey’s father so you can be his mum?”

“You’ve understood this perfectly. He’s clever, Spikey, the daddy I’ve chosen for you is. You would do well to accept the offer he will make you, because he will do nicely for our purposes. Look here, Arley, this is just a formality. It´s not like you’ll have to care for Spikey or pass him maintenance money or  anything. I’ll take care of all that.”

I took a look at Spikey just to make sure he still disliked me. He looked pretty much like an ill-tempered little dog ready to bite. Only he still wasn’t growling.

“I have just foisted a kid on my parents,” I said. “A nicer one than your uncongenial friend too. I don’t think it would be right for me to ask my mum and dad to take charge of another kid just now. And him reluctant, yet.”

“What do you know, Spikey? Your future dad wants to turn into a mean old man too,” said Candle to Spikey. And to me, she added, “Don’t give me problems, Arley, and I won’t give you any. I’m better than you at causing them and neither of us has a need of any. All you have to do is ask Spikey if he wants you for a parent. Then you put me in charge of him and forget about him forever.”

“Why don’t you ask your folks to just turn Spikey into one more of your brothers?” I said.

“Because I’m his mum. Only no one recognizes that. You are not that smart after all. You aren’t understanding this.”

“I’m not sharing a kid with somebody like you, Candle,” I said. “You’re too bossy. And you have crazy ideas. Plus you are two years old, for heaven’s sake! You should be playing with a doll, not acquiring a prickly kid. Go home and give your folks a break! Does your dad even know you went to Hawaii?”

 “Are you threatening to squeal on me? Because if you are, I am going to tell your mum something awful about you. Everybody has dark secrets. I will find and pierce  your weak heel. Do you want to upset your mum?”

“Go home, Candy,” intervened Uncle Gen. “Take that kid with you if he likes. Your mum will feed him and let him hang around your home forever should he please to without his having to call her mummy. All you have to do is threaten her with telling your dad about Hawaii. She’ll accept your friend.”

 “I know my mum is a pushover,” cried Candle, “but Spikey is my son, not my friend! I want this to be legal!” shouted Candle. “I want my son Spikey to be accepted in good society.”

“And what is that?” asked Uncle Gen.

“The fastidious ladies and their ridiculous husands. AEternus has to tell them I am Spikey’s mum! So everyone will accept this. Even you.”

“But, Candy, you don’t ever give a hoot what anyone has to say. Why this fuss about society? Your grandpa already told you to go do as you please. That’s the closest anyone gets  to having his blessing, believe me.”

“What he said was more like I should go **** ***.”

“Now you are speaking like your father. That won’t do in polite society, dear.”

“I want Spikey to have a name day party and lots of great gifts from all the big shots. Don’t mothers want what is best for their kids? Well, so do I for mine. This poor kid has never had anything.”

“Aha! Now we´re talking! Well, he’s had a trip to Hawaii,” said Uncle Gen. “Not everyone has. I doubt any of the Pricklies even know Hawaii exists.”

“I granted him that wish,” said Candle proudly. “And now I want to do more for him.”

“There is something you must understand, Candle,” said Uncle Gen. “Name day gifts are not for free. They are part of a give and take contract. One gets gifts when one accepts to belong to a group. Once you are a part of this group, you are expected to behave in certain ways and do certain things for the other members, as well as for the good of the group. This is bonding, my dear, and ties are ties. When you spoke your name during your own party, you were accepting Pearl and Fi as parents, and when you accepted the guests’ gifts you were promising to be like them.”

“I only accepted Pearl and Fi because I thought it would be fun to have all those fiery kids of theirs for brothers and sisters. But it’s not. They’ve never paid any attention to me.”

“She means they haven’t let her dominate them,” I said, still scared that this formidale pipsqueak might find some vile way of  blackmailing me. “You should be playing with a doll,” I insisted,  “not with that hostile kid.”

“Don’t provoke Spikey unless you want him to spit at you, Arley,” said Candle, quite unruffled.

“I’ll tell you what, my darling niece,” said Uncle Gen. “You let Arley go do the things he has to and come with me to visit Mr. and Mrs. Generous.  And I will see what can be done to get that  scowling pet of yours a free gift or two. Maybe more. Something good they will give us.”

“Who are these Generous people?” asked Candle.

“Are you going to do this to your fairy godparents, Gen?” Aunt Mabel asked her husband, suddenly appearing in his crystal ball.

“Today, yes,” said Uncle Gen.

“Well, at least come home and have lunch first, all four of you.”

“Ah, they’ll give us something to eat there. No doubt. They will insist.”

“Your niece is right. You are a bad man, Gentlerain,” said Aunt Mabel, and she vanished from the crystal ball.