255. Blasted

 255. Blasted  

“And who is that?” Alpin asked me.

“Prester John is a priest who is also the ruler of a marvellous land.”

“And why would I want to meet him?”

“He once fed forty British seamen and they said he did them proud. It has occurred to me he might be able to feed you to some satisfaction.”

“Where those seamen exigent?” asked Alpin. “Maybe they were hick starvelings who thought a dish of bubble and squeak was a treat. The food isn’t good in the navy is it? Meat with maggots and no citrus fruits scruvy are rife.”

“I’ll stroll along with you for a while if you don’t mind,” said Atty. “Shebie is lazing up in a cloud and she’ll be there for an hour or two. She’s safe here.”

“Just a second,” said Alpin, and he grabbed the bowl of sweet mice and salty fish-shaped crackers. “For the road,” he said.

“I’m sorry, kits,” about to tear the bowl from Alpin, Atty apologized to the cats.

“No, let him have it,” said Pedubastis. “It’s always interesting to meet new people and learn what there is out there.”

“Just don’t bring this same one back here again, will you, Ati darling?” said Neferlily.

Once we had started walking, I turned to Atty and asked, “What did you mean when you said Shebie was safe at the temple? Does she have enemies or anything like that?”

“Well,” sighed Atty, “that’s what Shebie and I quarrel about. I think she should move to my home in Apple Island. It’s one of the grandest there. We would have every comfort. She hasn’t claimed her house there, for she left before Mum began to build them, but who wouldn’t like mine? I’ve never met anyone who isn’t impressed by it. Largest castle in the place, and with every modern luxury.”

“Why won’t she move there?” I continued to question my brother.

“I have no idea. Nonsense that twirls in her brain. Her little house makes me feel like we have shacked up. Like I am not gentlemanly enough to marry her. And I don’t want her wandering about Minced Forest. It’s not safe. Much less for a poor cat.”

“How long has she been doing that?” I asked.

“Who knows? Maybe ages,”Atty shrugged.

“Why does she want t to live in Minced Forest? Have you asked her?”

“She hisses and spits something about not wanting to live in the island because that’s where her mother and her mother’s friends live. Then she yowls and howls and says she can’t stand the sight of these people. And she ends up snarling and growling, often at me, for insisting. But I’ve told her a thousand times they would never dare cross the gates of my grounds. All she has to do is stay at home and she’ll never see these people ever again.”

“At home? Without ever going out?”

“It’s the best way never to see other people. Especially the ones you would  hate to coincide with. And what home could be better for a cat than a castle? You know the view I have from the turrets? And we have every comfort. We wouldn’t have to swim in a small waterlily pond, full of that  green slime that makes me feel like I’ve been turned into a frog when I think of washing it off. It’s not the moat we would swim in. I have  huge swimming pools and jacuzzis. Though even the moat is fit to dunk in. It’s got the cleanest salt water available. And we wouldn’t live on coconut mice or fish-shaped crackers. What am I supposed to do for food in that forest? Forage for nuts and berries? She doesn’t like them.”

“You are asking your sweetheart who has been living like a feral cat for ages  to turn into a house cat?”

“I certainly am. She would lack for nothing in my house and nobody would dare to disturb her while she is with me. In fact, that’s why nobody disturbs her now. Because they are afraid of me.”

“You chase after her night and day out in the forest?”

“Yes,” sighed Atty, “and I’m sick of doing that. We could be so comfortable at home.”

“You know what?” I suddenly found myself saying to Atty, “When a man decides to love a woman who has mental problems, he should know what he is in for. He has to put up with her delirious ideas and not think of his own comfort. I think she has made it clear to you she can’t find it in her best interest to live in Apple Island, where something awful has probably already happened to her that she feels she is safe from out here and you are being selfish tryng to coerce her into doing what you want her to.”

“Why, Arley!” exclaimed my brother. “Why do you think that? I’m just pressing for what I know is best for both of us.”    

“I had a girlfriend I only got to see for like fifteen minutes once a month. I’m not sure if she was all there, or simply didn’t care enough for me. One day she left her home, or whatever you could call her hiding place, den, lair, whatever,  to recycle garbage. You heard right, garbage. She came out into the open as often as she pleased, day after day even.  Something she had never done for me. And I never reproached her for this. Because I wasn’t selfish, and because I loved her. And you, where is your patience? As soon as you see you have an advantage, because Shebie allows you into her space, you prefer to risk quarreling  with her than doing what you have to do to make her happy in her home, which is hold your tongue.”

 “Arley, who are you?” my brother asked me, looking astounded. “You sound just like Grandpa. You even look like him just now.”

“If he has said these things to you I must be right! He has to know more about you and about Shebie than you both do about yourselves, never doubt that,” I began, but then, suddenly, I had doubts. Who was I to criticize Atty? And why was I doing that? It was not like me.  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t have said any of that. I’m not one to give advice on dealing with women. I lost my girlfriend anyway. I did all that I could, but even I had to admit it was over when it was.”

“Grandpa says I have to either go live in her hut or forget her. I always thought he said that only because he wanted to kick me out of the island for not being docile to his foibles. I never thought anyone else would think like he does. He also said that you said about Shebie being mentally unstable. He said if I wasn’t delighted to live on coconut mice and fish crackers I – I didn’t love that poor deranged woman. That’s what he calls her. Normally, I would be angry with you, just like I am with  him, but... I don’t think I am.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like Grandpa.”

“Forget it, he says much worse things. Of course, you’ve cut your ranting short. But he doesn’t and he says things like ask me what I will do when I get Shebie to enter my castle. Will I cut off her head and stuff it and nail it over the fireplace in the great hall among other hunting trophies? He says awful things like that to me. I don’t collect any hunting trophies, Arley.”

Atty hunts. Noody even thinks of hunting in Apple Island, but out in Minced Forest, things are different. I know Atty hunts because when I was little he once took me with him. He caught everything there was to trap without the least hesitation or effort. He did let everything go afterwards. I don’t remember him taking anything home with him except for a lame doe and he said it was to have her nursed. But that may have been because I was with him and little, and he didn’t want to frighten me.

“You return everything to the forest, don’t you?” I asked, hoping his answer would be yes. 

“No,” said Atty, “not anymore. Because I no longer chase anything except Shebie. Grandpa said I was scaring the shit out of the forest animals, who would have a heart attack and drop dead and that would make me a murderer. He made me feel awful about hunting and persuaded me to play golf with him instead. What a bore! But all that is over too, because my one concern is to keep Shebie from being hunted.” 

 “Ah,” I said. “What do Mum and Dad have to say?”

“Mum understands and agrees Shebie should come live with me, and not the other way around.”

“Of course. She built that castle for you. She wants her work to be appreciated.”

Atty nodded.

“Dad says Grandpa nags me because he is angry at himself. He says Grandpa thinks he should have done something about Shebie and didn’t. When she was little. Dad says Shebie was an ordered child. Jocosa wanted a kid and never found one. That was because most pop up kids are smart and know who to show themselves to. They avoided Jocosa, so she ordered a baby and got Cathsheba. Dad says Grandpa didn’t notice in time that Cathy was in the wrong hands. Cathy was secretive, and she never let on how unhappy she was living with her mother and the Jocose Gang. Until one day she left home, never to return, and obviously raddled.”

“What happened?”

“Even I don’t know. Shebie doesn’t speak about this. She just goes ffffuuuuu when I mention those people. I mean to make rivers of blood flow  if I get to know, Arley. ”

And then something went BANG!   

“Holy smoke!” cried Atty. “What was that?”

“I don’t know.”

I looked about me.We were near a river bank in a pine tree part of Minced forest. There was smoke floating above the pines. Alpin was nowhere in sight.

“Where is Alpin?” I shouted, but Atty was already behind the pines. When I immediately crossed them too, he held me back as soon as he saw me.

There was a small buiding I could see through the smoke. But before I could ask what it was,  I began coughing. Because of the smoke, I thought. But there was also something else in the air.

“Unholy smoke,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Don’t make a sound. We have to get out of here.”

“But Alpin…” I began. Atty covered my mouth and signalled for me to hold still and be quiet. He darted into the smoke and reappeared with something in his hand. He grabbed me by the collar and rushed me off. And we were somewhere else.

“Alpin!” I gasped again.

Atty nodded.

“I don’t know how to say this. So I just will. Here he is.”

Atty showed me what he had in his left hand. It was a square glass box full of what looked like dust. Or ashes.

“Alpin,” he nodded.

“What? No!” I cried. “What is the meaning of this?”

“He got slugged by the Hag of the Rag. You see how this forest is dangerous? Maybe I will be taken seriously now.”