302. Battle of Flowers

 

302. Battle of Flowers  

And then the beauty parlour door opened and who should step in but August Gentlerain. And he said, “Mummy, I’m here to help. What exactly do you need?”

And AEternus looked away rolling his eyes.

“I’m not sure,” Divina said to Gentlerain. And she turned to AEternus and said, “What is this about, dear? Why so upset?”

And Gentlerain proved his spies are quite professional by saying, “It’s about Bigwig, isn’t it? Henny doesn’t know what to do with him.”

“You are not to banish Bigwig from this island!” AEternus yelled.  But not directly at his son. He pretended to be saying this to his wife. “I don’t want that!”

“Now, now!  We´re not going to get excited, are we?” said Divina. “It´s not good for us!”

“I understand perfectly that you don’t want Bigwig out of your way,” said Gentlerain to his father. “But you can’t expect him not to give you a bit of  barmy trouble once in a while if you keep him in here.”

“I repeat, Divna, Brushland stays put!”

“He’s at Henny’s," said Divina. "Probably. I sent him there. That is, I asked Henny to take care of him because he was in a dreadful state. What is it with this wig? Why is it something to rave over?”

“Actually, it’s something to help Brushland not rave. Bigwig has this delusion that he is the State,” explained Gentlerain to his mother. “It’s not uncommon. There are a lot of people out there who think they are Napoleon, or Louis XIV, or crazily important in some exceedingly essential way.”

“He stays put!” hollered AEternus.

“So he could stay put, Papá gave Bigwig a big wig,” explained Gentlerain to his mother. “You see, unlike other whackos, Brushland knows he is out of his mind. He is tormented by all sorts of ideas about  how he should dominate everyone, being as he is the State. But since he is aware that he is crazy, Papá thinks it would be unfair to boot him out of the island. He can’t be kicked out, because he is desperately trying not to subjugate anyone. And he won’t leave voluntarily, because he knows how crude things are out there. So to help him control his mad notions, Papá told him to wear a wig over his head so his ideas wouldn’t  spread out of his head and wreak havoc and  this seems to work for him. Bigwig is suggestible, and he thinks the wig helps him control himself. And now that he doesn’t have it on, he thinks he can’t keep from giving everyone orders, which is, of course, unacceptable on this island, where we all do as we please.  Well, not all of us. Some choose to leave.”

“Bigwig stays put!” shouted AEternus.                    

“I think we already are aware of that,” said Gentlerain.

“Poor man!” sympathized Divina. “What a fate!”

“Exactly!” snapped AEternus.

“Why are you always interfering with everyone’s headwear, dear? You have a fixation with hair?  There has to be an easier way to influence people than messing with their hair.”

“I don’t interfere with anything. I suggested  Brushland wear the wig beause he was driving me nuts. It was the first thing that occurred to me. I only wanted to be left in peace. ”

“I’m going home now, Great Gran,” said Azuline suddenly. And she tore the reptilian flower from  her hair and set it on the table in front of her mirror. “I don’t want a hairdo anymore. I’m going home to read a book!”

“Look what you’ve done!” cried Divina to AEternus.  “You’ve disillusioned this poor little girl. Now she doesn’t want to look pretty.”

“I only said she would look less intimidating wearing lilies or lilacs. I have a right to an opinion don’t I? Or am I to be the only one not to have one? You are probably better off reading a book, dear,” said AEternus to Azuline, “but you aren’t going anywhere until your brother has done your hair again, so you will look even more fetching  than you did, because if not your great gran will never let me hear the last of this.”

“But I don’t want my hair done anymore,” said Azuline.

“Why did you want it done anyway?”

“I wanted to deliver a May basket…”

“Ah! But no one is supposed to see you when you do that. When one delivers May baskets, one leaves them on a doorstep, knocks on the door and runs to hide. Or turns invisble. No one is supposed to see you.”

“But I hoped they might.”

“Hmm. You wanted to look pretty for someone. Rosendo, take your sister to pick some flowers. Select friendly ones. Sweet peas, for instance, might do nicely. And do her hair over. Now, pinks! Pinks might be a good idea. Not that gigantic, menacing  flower.”

 “You see? You are interfering with people’s hair again,” scolded Divina. But she couldn’t help adding, “I would try saxifrage or hepatica.”

“I am only trying to help! I don’t know why I bother to speak. No one understands me when I do. And when I don’t speak, they say I am being disdainful! There is no way one can win!” 

“It happens to the best of us, Papá,” said Gentlerain.

“I don’t want this gigantic, menacing  flower either!” blurted out  tiny Anemone, tearing her own over-sized anemone from her hair and breaking into tears. No one had noticed she had been sniffling for a while there.

“Oh, no!” cried Grandma. “Now this one thinks she’s been ignored. You are going to have your hair done again, dear, just like Azuline. And you can pick your own flowers too , but my advice is to listen to Rosendo’s advice, because believe me, he knows what he is doing.”

“I don’t want to have my hair done again. I see now it was a mistake!” said Azuline, about to break into tears too.

“No, no, no, no! You are both getting your hair done. We aren’t going to offend Rosendo, are we?” insisted Divina.

“Or me!” cried Malvinio, who was also probably feeling left out. "Nobody walks out of this parlour with bad hair!"

“I-” began Rosendo, but his wee voice was drowned before he could speak because everyone else started to shout.

And this went on  until Gentlerain yelled the loudest, “Does anyone have any idea where the big wig is? Or could be, so I can start searching for it once and for all!”