“Are
you positive you want to come with me?” I asked her.
“Of course I am,” she replied enthusiastically.
“It was my idea, not yours. This way we will kill several birds with one stone.
You have managed to draw me out of my lab. You know what a recluse I am and how
I never go anywhere at all nor want to. But we are going to have dinner
together and in a place where I can try out my new toximeter. It measures
everything noxious. Germs, lead, mites, the chances of catching
trichinosis...you name it, this measures it.”
Yes, it was a peculiar sweetheart I had. When I
told her how I felt about having promised the Leafies I would dine with them, I
had expected sympathy, but not company. And I knew chocolates and flowers might
not mean much to her, but I had never imagined she would want a toximeter for a
Valentine’s Day gift.
“I’m not sure about this,” I said. “I don’t
know if examining food you are being offered to see if you might get poisoned
if you eat it is quite right, This could offend our hosts.”
“Nonsense!” she cried. “It’s not as if we were
employing a mortal taster to find out if our food is poisoned like kings and
emperors did. With this gadget, there is no need for anyone to drop dead. And
as for our hosts, why should they be offended? They would have to be pretty
stupid not to appreciate the use of what I have got here. I will explain what
it is for to them in such a way that even the least brilliant of the lot will
understand its worth. You have no idea how happy you have made me inspiring me
to think of assisting to such a dinner. This will be the most interesting and
productive of all the Valentine’s Day celebrations in my life. ”
“Well, if you are happy, I am content,” I said,
shrugging with a smile. After all, making your true love happy is what
celebrating Valentine’s Day is about.
I suppose I should have been happy too. I
didn’t have to eat anything at all. So excited were Rosina and the Rubbishies
about measuring the toxicity of the stuff they had in the dump that they forgot
all about me. It was love at first sight between her and the garbage fairies. I
sat there on a discarded toilet seat and felt I had to be happy for I had made
everyone else so, though never in my wildest dreams – or should I say
nightmares? – had I imagined a Valentine’s Day party like this one. Or the
consequences it would have.
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